UCW's Johnny Deep vs. Eli Black: Update

“THROUGH me you pass into the city of woe:   
Through me you pass into eternal pain:   
Through me among the people lost for aye.   
Justice the founder of my fabric moved:   
To rear me was the task of Power divine,
Supremest Wisdom, and primeval Love.
Before me things create were none, save things   
Eternal, and eternal I endure.   
All hope abandon, ye who enter here.”

-- Dante Alighieri

    "The Divine Comedy"

     In my last post, I mentioned that I still hadn't viewed the final three minutes of this UCW match (#336 -- available at http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/). I was hoping for some faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Instead this video concludes with a finale similar to that of a horror film in which the leading man is slowly murdered, and then his lifeless body is desecrated by a rabid psychopath.

     By this point, I was grasping at straws. Just seeing Johnny able to rise from the mat and walk away on his own volition would have mitigated the overwhelming sense of defeat. This was not to be.

     Leading up to the bout's finish, Johnny had been rendered helpless and was unable to defend himself for an extended period. Eli Black was pummeling Johnny's newly muscular physique, paying particular attention to the groin area. Time and time again, a low blow would find its mark, causing Johnny to repeatedly cry out, "Oh, God!" Clearly, the jealous thug was targeting the source of the teen hunk's sex appeal. After a while, Johnny resorted to shielding that portion of his anatomy, not even attempting to deflect blows to other areas of his body. 

     It should be noted that UCW wrestlers are required to display feistiness, even in the face of overwhelming odds (for example, competitors often succumb to sleeper holds rather than tapping out). Johnny seemed to know what was expected of him and, incredibly, he defiantly flipped off Eli in the middle of a beating. This, of course, further enraged his tormentor and Johnny gamely endured retribution for such audacity.

     During one point in the proceedings, Eli unexpectedly procured a referee's shirt and dressed a limp, dazed Johnny in it, saying, "This is for your next gig." This is an allusion to the previously released UCW offering, video #332 "Eli Black vs Michael Hannigan w/Johnny as Ref" (proving that this video was shot out of sequence). By the way, Johnny was attacked by Eli in #332 also, prompting UCW Champion Michael Hannigan to post a video on his Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/michael.hannigan.92351) concerning the incident. Obviously, there are some crazy UCW fans (http://www.blogger.com/profile/03931398523674902390) who might have been inclined to think Johnny deserved that beating, too -- since he retaliated after being punched while officiating. Hannigan had to publicly issue a statement in support of Johnny to set the record straight.
     At first I was puzzled about the referee's shirt. Granted, it was designed to be sexy (sleeveless with an open front) but a shirtless Johnny (especially with that ripped physique) would probably boost video sales. Then I realized that Johnny spent many of the final minutes of this bout prone on the canvas. Why is this a factor?
     Well, Johnny -- if you're reading this -- I want you to know I'm mad at you, son. As a matter of fact, I'm as angry as I could possibly be with you -- that's not much, but still...
     ...you see, gentle reader, Johnny made a very foolish decision a while ago. I can just imagine how it all happened. Most likely, Johnny was in the company of some "friends" shortly after his eighteenth birthday. They probably told him, "Hey Johnny, you're a man now. You should get some ink." Johnny probably responded with, "Um, gee, okay." Thus Johnny's associates were able to deface one of humankind's few examples of perfection. Johnny agreed to a huge, unattractive tattoo that covers his back. Realizing this would undercut Johnny's wholesome image, UCW avoids featuring the tattoo prominently in all of their materials (videos and photos). In this context, the procurement of the referee's shirt made sense.

     At any rate, Johnny eventually was knocked out cold by a diabolically imaginative Eli Black finishing maneuver, but the abuse didn't end there. Eli chose to execute the maneuver a second time on his still unconscious rival. Sure, it was overkill but that's Eli's style.
     Circumstances appeared to be as dire as they could possibly be. How could they get any worse?
     This is how:
     Eli Black looked directly into the camera, addressed Johnny's fans, and made the obscene gesture known as a bras d'honneur. Then, with Johnny's still motionless body only inches away, Eli promised to do the same to my first UCW love, Ethan Axel Andrews. With that threat, the video ends.

"The horror! The horror! ... Exterminate all the brutes!”

-- Joseph Conrad

    "Heart of Darkness"