UCW Wrestling's Isaiah "Ice" Burg Publicly Threatens Me & Pedro Espada Talks Gut Punching

     That's a photo of a hapless Isaiah "Ice" Burg on the receiving end of seemingly endless punishment during Underground Championship Wrestling (UCW) match #337, a match I've already reviewed. Originally, the blog entry bore the title, "UCW's Michael Hannigan: Not A 'Paper Champion'" and it was intended as recognition of the often under-appreciated talents of the former champ ("Ringside At Skull Island" blogger Joe immediately comes to mind -- how anyone could praise a cheap-shot artist like Eli Black and malign a skilled athlete like Hannigan is beyond me).
     As for Michael's opponent, Isaiah "Ice" Burg -- he was essentially irrelevant to the story. I felt neither fondness nor animosity toward Isaiah. I politely noted the wrestling skills that he'd displayed during his earlier match against Ethan Axel Andrews. The fact that Michael Hannigan absolutely and totally dominated Isaiah during match #337 was presented as testimony to Michael's incredible skill, not to any ineptitude on Isaiah's part.

     Make no mistake about it -- match #337 was one of the rarest phenomenon in pro wrestling. This was a unique example of a "face" squashing a "heel." It's not often that a brutally aggressive villain plays the role of jobber, but it happened here.

     From day one, "Ice" (a nickname seemingly chosen to denote ice water in the veins, a cold-blooded nature, a cold heart -- flattery in the mind of this particular wrestler) made no pretense at sportsmanship or even common, human decency. During his initial "Inside Scoop" appearance, "Ice" saw fit to joke about killing potential UCW opponents. Ethan Axel Andrews (who was conducting the interview) made some regrettable quip about there being no rules in UCW except a prohibition on murder. "Ice" then devised a loophole -- injuring UCW competitors so badly that they died in the hospital days later.

     Michael Hannigan (who, along with Ethan Axel Andrews, is one of only two "legitimate" All Star Champions in UCW history) was obviously unintimidated by "Ice's" bluster. Throughout match #337, Michael racks up pinfall after pinfall, submission after submission from "Ice," who seems to be experiencing a humiliating meltdown.

     What makes this defeat of "Ice" by Hannigan so devastatingly thorough is the fact that the referee for this title match, Quinn Harper, harbored a grudge against the former champion. Harper's officiating during match #337 is blatantly, unapologetically biased against Michael. Time and time again, Harper refuses to count when "Ice's" shoulders are pinned, refuses to acknowledge "Ice's" attempts to tap out.

     Hannigan literally walks all over "Ice" during match #337. "Ice" frequently resembles a doormat, and any "killer instincts" that this once-feared grappler possesses are probably turned inward by the time the bout concludes.

     Out of empathy for "Ice" after viewing this emotionally crippling (for him) beatdown, I didn't really go into detail about the multitudinous indignities he suffered during match #337. Clearly, "Ice" was outclassed by a far superior technical wrestler in Michael Hannigan, but I saw no point in rubbing salt in "Ice's" wounds.

     Yes, I tried to be diplomatic...until I saw the most recent "Inside Scoop" video at UCW's website. Incredibly, there is "Ice" Burg calling me out by name, cursing me, and threatening me in terms generally uttered by homicidal psychopaths. Why? Well, in my previous review of match #337, I simply mentioned that "Ice" was "able to mount virtually no offense" in that encounter.

     That was all I said during my review of one of the most one-sided mismatches in the history of modern sports. A mild observation like that caused "Ice" to go ballistic? I never knew that the dear boy was so sensitive.

     In direct response to "Ice's" videotaped tirade, let me say the following. In no way will you EVER prevent me from exercising my first amendment rights, at this or any other forum. Your challenge to fight me in a UCW match is ludicrous (Google it -- it's not a misspelled reference to the rapper). You probably are impressed by rhyming rhetoric so...I'm a writer, not a fighter. A fitting analogy would be me challenging you to create your own blog and gain a larger audience than mine. (It's actually unlikely that you could even remember your intended topic throughout the course of composing a single paragraph. As the blurb at the end of your pathetic display of mic skills suggested, you wrestled former UCW Champion Michael Hannigan -- not current UCW Champion Eli Black. Poor thing, I know it gets confusing.)

     Moving right along...on a strangely related note, UCW wrestler Pedro Espada visited me at my Connecticut home yesterday. Despite audio problems, I managed to salvage this fascinating footage during which Pedro discusses his membership in "the gut punching community" and tells us how this proclivity has played into his matches against Michael Hannigan and Ethan Axel Andrews. Pedro mentions experiences during his middle school  and high school years in East Hartford, CT during which his ability to take a punch was constantly being tested (East Hartford is a different world from many other parts of the state). Pedro acknowledges that he never had clearly defined abs "like Private Jack Marino or Hiro" (sorry, Eli). During his early adolescence, Pedro didn't really have a name for his gut-punching fetish, but he always considered the abs to be "the most attractive body part on a man." Pedro's friends were always trying to catch him off-guard with a gut punch, but he literally can count the number of times they were successful. Pedro has successfully withstood gut punching from a pro boxer and a two-on-one confrontation. Part of the appeal for Pedro is the challenge, but there's an added dimension that he can't explain. Here -- listen for yourself (and once again, sorry about the audio quality).

     I really wanted to have FAITH (remind me to discuss Pedro's shoulder tat at a later date) that Pedro was one of the good guys in UCW. However, after our taped interview concluded and we were chatting informally, Pedro admitted that he is being groomed as one of the federation's "heels." Pedro also mentioned that UCW founder Michael "Bodyslam" had been aware of our scheduled meeting -- a complete surprise to me, since Bodyslam had been playing coy about this matter during Facebook messages we'd exchanged. Bodyslam is, of course, mainly responsible for the anarchic, no-rules approach in UCW. Now he most certainly knows my home address via online interaction with Pedro. On top of all that, Bodyslam posted a sinister reminder to me via Facebook just this morning: "Pedro isn't that nice in the ring. He did tie up UCW Michael Hannigan and take some cheap shots at him." Yes, that's true...
     However, what really troubles me is the fact that Pedro unexpectedly brought up "Ice's" name -- he said that they were part of a UCW alliance and a friendship in real life. I didn't think much of it at the time. Then, a few hours later, that threatening "Inside Scoop" was posted.
     Ah, well...it's my problem. I won't trouble you with it. I know you come here for discussions about UCW wrestling, and I intend to keep right on blogging.
     Oh, by the way, the "Ice" vs. Hannigan match (#337) is available for purchase at the UCW website. Buy it and have fun counting the number of minutes (maybe seconds) that "Ice" is displaying any offensive skills whatsoever.

UCW Oil Wrestling: Johnny Deep vs. Eli Black -- Tear Down This Wall!

     Michael Bodyslam, tear down this wall...
     ...or at least pad it.

     In the new UCW Wrestling offering (match #354), Johnny gets hurt, for real. Using his feet, Eli Black sends Johnny hurtling head-first toward the cinder block wall surrounding the slippery, oil-coated mat.

     There's an immediate edit in the videotape at that point. We don't know what happens during the break in filming. The next scene we see is Johnny holding his head and whispering, "Ow...ow..."
     "Hey, you need a count-back from five?" Eli asks.
     Johnny rolls around on the mat in agony and murmurs, "Oh, God!"

     "I call that the Pinball Machine move," Eli explains. "You got jolted."
     The show must go on, and Johnny gamely goes through the motions, showing very little aggression during this stage of the bout. Regardless of what the action is, regardless of what maneuvers are being displayed, Johnny frequently holds his head, at times checking his fingertips for traces of blood. For the remainder of the match, you can see the oily spot on the wall where Johnny's skull made contact.
     Eli wraps his hands around Johnny's throat and plays sadistic games, preventing Johnny from breathing for extended periods, letting go, then resuming the strangulation. It's all very reminiscent of how Eli stole won the UCW All Star championship belt from Hunter Day. Johnny is reduced to kicking his feet and gasping.
     In a fit of pique over Johnny's status as a UCW hero, the villainous Black says, "I thought you were supposed to be some nice 'face.' Well, how about if I put that face in some oil? Huh? Yeah. I'll push you around, clean the mat with your head." With his foot on Johnny's neck, Eli literally mops the canvas with the kid's cracked cranium.

     Then Eli reaches a new low. "What's this?" Eli asks, examining the scalp under Johnny's newly cropped hair. "Oh, look at that! Hold on. Camera, zoom back in. As you can see, the wound that I inflicted on him when I kicked him into the wall over there -- see that? Yeah! That's real and I did it!"

     Okay. Enough. I don't think I even have to continue. When Ethan Axel Andrews visited me last December, he told me that if a wrestler has a grudge against another wrestler and sets out to deliberately injure him during a match, UCW wants no part of it. This was presented to me as an articulation of company policy.
     Speaking of Ethan, he himself suffered the only injury of his long underground wrestling career during a UCW match -- chipping a tooth after being hurled into that same cinder block wall. Was it really wise to promote a match between two Taurus guys (that in itself should probably be prohibited) on a mat surrounded by cinder blocks and coated with a thick oil slick? These two bulls (a Philadelphia slang term, ironically) were charging each other, locking horns like true Taurans, on a surface that was as slippery as ice.
     As for Eli -- do you really want this thug representing your business? I don't care how many videos he sells to morons who care more about abs than character -- Eli's presence in UCW will prove detrimental to your bottom line in the long term.
     After Johnny's injury, Eli predicted on camera, "By the time I'm done with you, you're going to want to be done wrestling in UCW." Perhaps not coincidentally, Johnny has since announced (abruptly and unexpectedly) an indefinite hiatus from UCW's mat wars. (The current video #355, featuring Johnny with his longer hairstyle and no shoulder tats, was obviously shot out of sequence. It was probably filmed right after match #345, which served as a set-up for the Eli Black / Hunter Day tag team.)
     UCW founder Michael Bodyslam once told me that Johnny had the potential to become "the next Axel." Was it really wise to sacrifice Johnny and keep Eli?
     This bout was supposed to be a Johnny Deep vs. Oliver Wood contest, but Eli "persuaded" Oliver to forfeit the match. When Eli walks in as the surprise substitute, a startled Johnny expresses dismay that the churlish champion would consent to perform in an oil match.
     "I'm not done picking on you," Eli explains.
     While oiling himself, Eli feigns narcissism. I say "feigns" because Eli clearly has no conception of what constitutes male beauty (unlike Ethan Axel Andrews, a true narcissist). As proof of this, one need only glance at an old photo of Eli from his BG Wrestling days. Yes, this formerly cute guy has now willingly transformed himself into a tatted up circus freak. (Of course Johnny is the current cute guy of UCW -- he even proclaimed himself to be "still pretty" during his only "Inside Scoop" monologue -- and that explains a lot of the animosity between these two rivals.)
     After bragging and boasting for several minutes to camouflage his near pathological insecurities (remember, this is the person who felt the need to brand "Cool, Calm, Confident, and Collected" on his ribcage), Eli offers the oil bottle to Johnny. Johnny reaches for it, but Eli lets it drop. Johnny just nods his head, as if this is the type of behavior he's come to expect from Eli, and picks the bottle up from the mat. Johnny's easygoing personality and good humored nature are in ample evidence during all of the pre-match banter.
     Then Eli (of all people) begins to mock Johnny's new tattoos. I'm not fond of handsome guys getting ink (you'll notice that Ethan Axel Andrews has never done it) but Johnny's tats are fairly tasteful -- a bluebird on each shoulder, representing good luck. Johnny seems to have an appreciation for art which only befuddles and antagonizes Eli. Eli pops off with a highly detailed, disgustingly vulgar analogy concerning Johnny's new ink. Wide eyed and grinning, Johnny repeats every word of Eli's gutter humor in a boyishly incredulous tone.
     When Johnny agrees to oil Eli's back, I become antsy. Johnny seems accustomed to the locker room camaraderie among his teammates during lacrosse season, and he's now out of his element. Sure enough, Eli delivers a backward mule kick that leaves Johnny on the mat clutching his groin, and the match begins.
     What follows is a mix of eroticism and roughhouse which took me several viewings to appreciate, since I initially was so outraged by Johnny's injury. All in all, aside from Johnny's head injury, this match isn't as emotionally devastating as the last match between these two (#336 -- which Joe, the "heel aficionado" blogger for "Ringside at Skull Island" gleefully called, "thirty minutes of Eli feeding Johnny, slightly more muscular now, to the flies"). Well into this match -- even after the twenty minute mark -- Johnny continues to display his aggressive side, inflicting hugely satisfying revenge on his tormentor.
     This, by the way, isn't the fourth UCW match between these wrestlers (it's only the third). You can read this inaccuracy -- and other prime examples of muddled thinking -- in Joe's "Ringside at Skull Island" review of this bout over here:  

Ringside at Skull Island: Slicked Up: I really didn't need the encouragement, but it was my friend Joseph on Facebook (same name as mine but he&#...

(Remember -- this is video #354 and you can purchase it at the UCW Wrestling website.)

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Jax Briggs: S&M Bromance

  

     Move aside, Brangelina. Sports entertainment now has a relationship that can rival anything you've ever displayed. Make way for Jaxel.
     You can pretty much gauge the chemistry between two wrestlers by how they interact during a videotaping. For example, My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) never seemed to form any strong alliances in UCW (with the exception of C.J. Devastation during one taping), and that just increased my feelings of protectiveness and affection for the young grappler. MBPJD was a highly competitive, combative Taurus and his conflict-prone personality (along with, of course, his ethereal physical attractiveness -- and the presence of his girlfriend on the set) seemed to inspire mainly envy among his underground wrestling peers. (By the way, the reaction of many UCW fans toward Johnny seems very similar -- a mix of lust, jealousy, and sadism. To this day, I see comments concerning Johnny posted on UCW related Facebook accounts that make me cringe and send chills down my spine. No wonder MBPJD was shy about receiving public "attention.")
     In sharp contrast to Johnny's tenure at UCW, newcomer Jax Briggs received a genuinely warm welcome to the federation, via this match against Ethan Axel Andrews (the company's top wrestler and 50% owner). From the opening scene of this video (#353 available here), when a charmingly obnoxious Jax interrupts Ethan's calisthenics to propose an arm wrestling contest, there's an obvious warmth and sense of camaraderie between the two supposed adversaries.
     Indeed, this whole videotaped wrestling session has a big brother / little brother feel to it. 28-year-old Ethan has traditionally been in charge of "hazing" UCW rookies, putting them through the paces and subjecting them to a plethora of painful wrestling holds, testing their endurance and dedication. When Ethan did this to MBPJD (in three introductory matches -- #'s 269, 277, and 295 -- a virtual trifecta of torment, in addition to the impromptu bullying of Johnny in "lost video" #316), Ethan morphed into Axel and treated MBPJD in a totally ruthless manner. However here in #353, Ethan remains Ethan (except for two momentary exceptions which we'll discuss later) and engages Jax in a display of athleticism, not a beatdown.
     That's not to say that Ethan displays any leniency with Jax. As a matter of fact, if UCW had rules, this match would have ended at the ten minute mark. At that point, Ethan had Jax in an excruciating armbar and Jax uttered, "Alright! I'll do it with that one. I'll submit on that." A disappointed Ethan asked, "Really?" and Jax answered, "Yeah." Unyielding, Ethan responded, "Come on. You can't think of any way to get out of here?" Jax just continued to groan and gasp in agony. "Come on," Ethan repeated, and then rolled forward, seemingly propelled by Jax's arm strength. "There you go!" Ethan exclaimed, and the match continued.

 

     Despite the sincere friendship evident during the videotaping, this match is actually as brutal (from a standpoint of pure physical pain) as anything you'll be likely to see in sports entertainment. In order to appreciate what is actually happening during this match, you really have to view it in slow motion. Ethan's pro trainer rhetoric ("What did I teach you? How do you reverse this? This isn't high school. You just can't wait. You don't want to be a jobber like Oliver Wood, do you?") successfully camouflages the cruelty to which Jax is subjected.
     The Boston Crabs and leglocks in particular must be studied in slow motion silence to be appreciated. You can see Jax's hands touching Ethan to communicate the degree of pain he's experiencing. You'll notice Ethan rise up a bit to alleviate some of the agony for a few seconds, and then force Jax to experience the full blown torment once again. The facial expressions and the body language tell the true story.

(By the way, the most horrendous torture that Jax endures in this match comes via a single leg leglock, during which Axel attempts to make the rookie's toes touch the back of his head. The circulation is totally cut off to that leg and it becomes cadaver-like white, like a disembodied limb.)
     However, the leglocks and armbars aren't the extent of Ethan's repertoire, and the fed's head honcho uses every weapon in his arsenal to dominate young Jax. There are bear hugs...

...backbreakers administered in a variety of styles...

...in addition to rapid snap suplexes (more back pain for the aspiring UCW star) and a multitude of gut punches -- all of which leave poor Jax thoroughly exhausted.

     Yet, because the UCW bosses seem to have a fondness for Jax, Ethan does give the young man ample opportunity to demonstrate his aggressive side. In all honesty, some of these maneuvers are somewhat awkwardly applied and do not stand up well during slow motion studies (even though Ethan is "selling" for all he's worth).

     However, after being roughed up severely, Jax seems to lose his temper during the application of a headlock. Jax (who had already been chastised for releasing holds without asking for submissions) asks Ethan if he wants to give up. Ethan can't even respond because the hold is cinched in so tightly and his neck is being bent backward to such an extreme degree.

     That's really the only display of meanness that we see from Jax during this bout. Other than that, Jax seems like a humble young man, willing to roll with the punches and pay his dues for a chance to make his mark in the pro wrestling world. The persona that Jax presents in this tape is quite a contrast to the image he projected during his recent "Inside Scoop" appearance. That interview demonstrates Jax's mic skills and acting ability, but is no indicator of the sports entertainer's true personality (take it from a blogger who was recently called "sir" by this young gentleman during a Facebook conversation).
     Ethan, on the other hand, sinks down to the depth of his thin-skinned, narcissistic, alter-ego Axel on two occasions. Both acts of revenge are in response to low blows by Jax (one of which seemed totally accidental -- a rookie mistake, if you will). In the first instance (reacting to the apparent mistake), Axel not only grabs Jax in that highly sensitive area of his anatomy, but also delivers several punishing slaps before letting go. In the second instance, after beating up Jax thoroughly with a barrage of gut punches, Axel remembers how his adversary had turned the tide of the match earlier via a deliberate low blow. This recollection prompts a knee in the groin from Axel and the comment, "Now we're even," before continuing to work Jax over with more above-the-belt fisticuffs.

     At the end of this match, after having proven himself to be UCW material, Jax clearly bears no grudges toward his erstwhile tormentor. Born under Aries, the sign of eternal optimists, Jax is probably already dreaming of mat stardom as he shakes Ethan's hand.
     "There's hope for you yet," Ethan observes somewhat haughtily.
     "That's because I've got you teaching me," Jax replies.
     Jax's generosity seems to momentarily fluster and embarrass Ethan.
     "Yeah, you better thank me," Ethan mumbles.
     "Let's go get a beer, man," Jax suggests.
     "Yep. First let's hit the showers," Ethan responds.

     ...and so this S&M bromance comes to an end (or moves off-camera, as the case may be).
     My frenemy Joe, blogger for "Ringside At Skull Island," already reviewed this match and you can see it here:
Ringside at Skull Island: Jax: An arm-wrestling challenge is no way to draw me in to a wrestling match. It's sedentary, the drama is minuscul...
     Once again, this match is #353 -- here's the link to UCW's "Latest Video" page, on which this particular video is currently listed: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest.html.
     (On a personal note, UCW founder "Bodyslam" Michael underwent open heart surgery today -- and according to Ethan Axel Andrew's Facebook page, he's doing fine. Wishing you nothing but the best, Michael -- with respect and in gratitude for the wonderful gift you've given all of us.)