Friday, September 26, 2014

UCW Wrestling's Michael Hannigan vs. Quinn Harper: Skills and Respect

     I didn't suspect that this would be a "feel good" video -- after all, it stars Quinn Harper. However, that's what it turned out to be. The reason for that is simple. Both of these wrestlers have an honest respect for each other, and it shows throughout the match.
     By contrast, the matches that Jax Briggs wrestled for UCW left me feeling angry and bitter. The only UCW wrestler who showed respect for Jax was Axel, and that was in Jax's debut match. After that, it was all downhill -- Jax got absolutely no respect from Quinn or Eli or even Bodyslam (during the two "Inside Scoop" interviews that the UCW founder conducted with Jax). Even alleged "face" Hiro treated Jax with contempt.
     For those who missed it, here's how Jax was introduced to UCW fans. I'll reserve further comment on this and allow you to watch and judge:
     Yeah, Jax is an Aries (like another former UCW guy, Hunter Day). Aries are the "newborns" of the zodiac -- the opposite of "old souls" -- and they often have a rough go of it due to their naivete. When Quinn wrestled Jax, he grabbed the kid's face, called him "pretty" and said he knew why Jax was hired. When Quinn refereed Jax's All-Star Championship "win" against Eli (probably the most humiliating title victory I've ever seen in an entire lifetime of watching pro wrestling) Quinn performed a ventriloquist routine, saying, "I'm Jax and I'm a pussy" in a high-pitched voice (even Eli seemed embarrassed and tried to play it off). Then Quinn performed a similar ventriloquist routine on Facebook, composing "sock puppet" posts via Jax's account (don't even try to deny it, Quinn) to pick a fight with Aron Stokes by calling him an "old man" (no, Quinn -- that's your title in UCW, and it's safe and secure) and Damien Flawless (who Quinn despises with a passion, for one reason or another).
     Art often imitates life, especially in pro wrestling, and this recent "Inside Scoop" (featuring a Svengali-like Quinn demonstrating a diabolical control over UCW founder Bodyslam) is right on the money:
     According to my nemesis, Blogger Joe over at Ringside at Skull Island, "Quinn Harper looks like a shoo-in for the championship belt." From the promotion of UCW "strip matches" (call me a prude, but I don't approve) to the paranoia concerning ex-wrestlers like Damien Flawless (who has never said anything even mildly derogatory about the federation in my presence), I sense the subtle influence of Mr. Quinn Harper.
     A UCW Championship reign by Quinn Harper would probably be even more destructive to the federation than Eli Black's. To illustrate this fact, here's some correspondence I exchanged with My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep several months ago (my email address has been blurred but the address that Johnny used is readable, since it's the same fan mail address publicly posted on the UCW website.) Please excuse some of Johnny's language; the young man always did express himself in a candid manner.
     Well, there you have it. Now Johnny is almost certainly gone from UCW (his last match was a "strip match" during which he received a head injury). Jax and Damien are officially out of the federation. Quinn Harper is poised to become the next UCW Champion. Do you see why so many of my blog entries are negative and harshly critical?
     Alright. Well, let's look for a potential savior for UCW -- someone who can be a positive influence on the federation's owners and decision makers. Look no further than former UCW All-Star Champion Michael Hannigan.
     In many ways, Michael Hannigan is the personification of UCW itself. During his title reign, Michael was the underdog champion representing an underdog fed. (I remember one underground wrestling fan saying he never bought a UCW video because the tarp-covered walls lacked aesthetic appeal. This was the type of shallow criticism that was frequently leveled at Michael.)
     It's rare when you encounter someone who is universally liked and respected (especially in the dog-eat-dog environment of UCW Wrestling) but Michael Hannigan seems to be that person. From Damien Flawless (who recently posted that Michael should be UCW champ because he "works his ass off") to Bodyslam (who called Michael "a sweetheart for sure" -- Michael has been calling Bodyslam every day since Bodyslam's recent heart surgery) to Pedro Espada (who wrestled Michael and has nothing but fond memories of the experience) -- high regard for Michael Hannigan seems to be a unifying factor among these diverse (and often feuding) individuals.
     Not to dwell on this at length, but Michael is facing his own personal challenges right now. As I mentioned in my "These Are Times That Try Men's Souls" article (the link is in the last paragraph), Michael's own father has serious health issues, but there's ample evidence that Michael isn't letting the stress get him down.
     Well, on to the match I'm reviewing; it's #370 and you can purchase it here: UCW Wrestling. (It's no longer the featured video on UCW's home page because a "lost" video knocked it out of that prime spot before the week was up. That's the second time in a row this has happened to a Michael Hannigan video, and I'm not happy, UCW.)
     Michael Hannigan's work ethic is often a topic of discussion, but there's also another point to be made. Michael doesn't just try hard -- he succeeds. If anyone you know makes disparaging remarks about the quality of wrestling in a Michael Hannigan video (or UCW in general), please buy this match and shove it in their faces.
     Give the devil his due -- Quinn Harper may be a warped and twisted individual, and an all-around horrid human being -- but he has mad skills similar to Hannigan's. Quinn's been doing this stuff for centuries decades years and he's certainly attained proficiency when it comes to executing the most difficult pro wrestling maneuvers.
     Both Quinn and Michael have as much pro wrestling talent as anyone you're likely to see on the independent circuit. As a result, when it comes to mat skills, match #370 is as fine a production as anything UCW (or certainly any of their pretentious, overpriced, formulaic competitors) can churn out.
     The match begins with formal introductions of the competitors (something I suggested long ago -- could UCW be listening to Old Freddie?) by UCW founder Bodyslam, who is deliberately and entertainingly smug about his current ownership of the All-Star title (which, of course, he wrestled no one to attain).
     The former champ is introduced as, "The incredible, the sexy, the lovable, the puppy dog, Michael Hannigan." Michael seems to enjoy the intro.
     After Michael raises his hand and nods to the camera, Bodyslam continues, "I think they're all cheering for you." Michael's reaction is precious. Here...a picture is worth a thousand words:
     Then Bodyslam introduces Michael's opponent, "Facing Michael Hannigan, we have the also incredible, mean, nasty, more like uglyish -- but nice abs, and a good kisser." (See the second video in this blog entry.) "I won't explain how I know that. If you don't know, we won't worry about it...Quinn Harper."
     Quinn looks at the camera, too, but it's not quite the same:
     It should be noted that this is a match between two Irish guys whose appearances contrast as starkly as their personalities. With his alabaster skin and jet black hair, Michael typifies a Black Irishman (okay, maybe Michael's hair color is artificial, but so is Old Freddie's face -- and it's going to get even more artificial once I sell my Connecticut home, I'm proud to say) while Quinn Harper is a ginger with a rapidly receding hairline (the cap Quinn wears for the sake of vanity is a bone of contention between the two grapplers in this match -- as it was when Quinn refereed Michael's match vs. Isaiah "Ice" Burg).
     Personality-wise, Michael is a stand-up citizen while Quinn has kissed the blarney stone so many times that he could fertilize five acres every time he opens his mouth. Of course, Quinn does open his mouth frequently during this match -- mostly to threaten, mock or curse Michael -- while Michael (except for one instance when he asks Quinn for a submission) wrestles in absolute silence. It's almost as though Michael's reticence was preplanned, realizing that mic skills have never been his forte.
     Instead, Michael lets his pro wrestling skills do the talking, and they speak loudly and clearly. Despite Quinn's obnoxious boasting during a Facebook exchange that we recently had...
...the fact remains that, if this fight had been scored on a point system, Quinn would have lost in a landslide. However, most people purchase UCW videos to see prettyboys dominated by maniacs, and this match delivers on that level, too.
     This is basically a back-and-forth, see-saw battle -- the type of match which lacks credibility when it's performed by amateurs. However, Michael and Quinn pull off the give-and-take aspects flawlessly. This is an extremely fast paced match; there's a move or a counter move executed about once every 15 seconds -- and there is virtually no editing, no breaks in the continuity of the action. Pro matches utilize a referee to plan choreography, whispering the next sequence of maneuvers in each wrestler's ear during interminably held headlocks or armbars. In this video, it's just Michael and Quinn winging it; their imaginative improvisations and boundless energy are amazing.
     When Michael is in control, you know that the tide will soon turn, and Quinn will ratchet up his own level of brutality in order to gain revenge. During those moments, you'll almost wish that the kid would ease up on the beast.
     This match is 32 minutes long, but the time flies by. Although it's a cliche, there really is no loser here. When the match concludes, you don't have a sense that anyone has been victimized or given short shrift. One of these guys gets pinned, but it's the result of a minor strategical error after a long, impressive display of maneuvers by both participants. Each wrestler maintains his dignity. If there wasn't so much pain involved, you could even believe that these two savvy showmen -- one valiant, one villainous -- had fun.
     Once again, this is match #370 and it's available for immediate download here: UCW Wrestling: Latest Videos.

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Fine Art of Farce: UCW Wrestling Strips Jax Briggs of the Title



FARCE - a comic dramatic work using buffoonery and horseplay and typically including crude characterization and ludicrously improbable situations.
synonyms:    slapstick comedy, slapstick, burlesque, vaudeville, buffoonery
"the stories approach farce"
antonym:    tragedy
the genre of farce.
an absurd event.
synonyms:    mockery, travesty, absurdity, sham, pretense, masquerade, charade, joke, waste of time;
"the trial was a farce"

     How do you camouflage a really loathsome act that you've committed in real life? Well, if you're the owner of a pro wrestling federation, you turn the entire incident into a storyline.
     I have to admit, this Facebook post from UCW owner Michael Bodyslam warmed Old Freddie's cynical heart:

     At my advanced age, I should have learned one simple lesson: "cynicism" is just a synonym for "realism." Only days -- yes, days -- after Bodyslam posted that magnanimous message to his current All-Star Champion, this seventeen-minute Inside Scoop was posted at the UCW site. Bodyslam's "understanding" attitude toward Jax Brigg's circumstances was short lived, indeed.
     Despite the fact that Bodyslam claims in this video that I'm "always putting him down", the fact is that I like and respect Bodyslam. Bodyslam is your typical Leo, the astrological sign of bosses. Bodyslam is a man of action, a builder by nature, with the sensibilities of a benevolent dictator. It takes the Bodyslams of the world to create entities like UCW, and for that we all owe them a debt of gratitude. In our thankfulness for the gifts they give us, we must try our best to roll with the punches they throw at us. Those born under the sign of Leo are gregarious and generous by nature, but just the suggestion of dissent makes them go ballistic. (I learned that after I posted my "How To Destroy A Wrestling Persona" article.)
     Well, I love UCW, but I'll criticize it when decisions are made that force my favorite wrestlers out of the federation -- and that's becoming the rule over there rather than the exception.
     Jax is no longer UCW All-Star Champion, and he's "out of the company." Maybe Bodyslam will begin saying that Jax is "on hiatus" -- an adroit choice of words, since there's an implication that the wrestler's absence is temporary. However, Jax Briggs is probably on permanent hiatus from the fed -- just like My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD), whose last match (#354) featured Johnny being stripped naked after receiving a head injury courtesy of Eli Black (Bodyslam & Axel's neighbor). Of course, that type of thing isn't supposed to happen during UCW tapings...
     I knew #354 would be Johnny's last UCW appearance. I was right.
     I thought that match #361 -- the humiliation at the hands of Eli Black -- would be Jax's last UCW appearance. UCW coerced Jax into logging on to his Facebook account to offer all sorts of denials but I was right about that, too. Did Jax quit? Was he fired? What difference does it make? Jax is gone. Jax's credibility as UCW Champion was destroyed after #361 anyway.
     You know, I was watching an old match from the UCW archives the other night -- #160 -- James "The Never Give Up Kid" vs. Donavon. Now, Donavon is a hot little dude but, let's face it, he's the quintessential jobber. Still, James did everything in his power to help Donavon "get over" in that match. As a UCW All-Star Champion James was a class act. James knew the meaning of "generosity" as the term relates to pro wrestling (it's similar to "generosity" among actors -- i.e., you don't try to steal scenes). Watch #160 and then watch #361 right afterward. You'll see the difference between the old UCW (dominated by guys like James) and the current version (monopolized by Eli Black).
     For those who sat through the first portion of the skit concocted to explain the loss of Jax, you'll notice that the vile Eli Black himself made an appearance via videotape (urging that Jax be stripped of the title -- since his one-month championship reign is such a disgrace to UCW, of course).
     Nice haircut, Eli.
     Actually, all of the guys demonstrated surprisingly convincing acting skills during this kangaroo court scene. To my knowledge, only Axel has any thespian training, and he was the sole participant who seemed unable to stay in character. Barefoot, bare-chested, and incessantly grinning, Axel seemed unable to grasp the gravity of the proceedings. (No, Axel hadn't been smoking anything. Because of Axel's gentle manner of speaking and mellow vocal tone, he's often mistaken for a stoner, but he's not -- we've had that conversation before.)
     Axel and Michael Hannigan (speaking of classy ex-UCW Champions) were on hand to defend Jax, but they did so in a halfhearted way (the kid wasn't injured or in the hospital, for god's sake -- just working steadily at a locale far removed from the UCW house).
     All of the passion was on the side of the "heels" in this debate. Quinn Harper served as Devil's Advocate (typecasting for sure), Eli Black delivered a convincing videotaped deposition (allowing one slip -- he only gave Jax the belt because he dreamed of becoming the first two-time UCW Champion), and there was even a Black Dragon in attendance (notice that I didn't say "The Black Dragon" because he's not a UCW wrestler -- he's a UCW persona that has been portrayed by nearly every grappler in the fed, at one time or another).
     I am mentioned twice during the proceedings (once for "spreading rumors that go around about the company when something happens" and once for being a potential candidate for UCW referee) but, in both cases, I'm given second billing to my nemesis, Blogger Joe over at "Ringside at Skull Island." Ah, well. Life is unfair. Just ask Jax Briggs.
     Now, getting back to the shenanigans on the latest Inside Scoop -- let's suspend our disbelief for a second and take these proceedings seriously. Presumably, Jax is being stripped of the title and kicked out of the fed because he hasn't been defending the UCW All-Star Championship during the past few weeks...and we all know how many UCW matches were scheduled during that time period...
     ...but anyway...
1. Jax has been UCW All-Star Champion for the last month.
2. The 24/7 rule has been in effect for the past month.
3. That means that Jax has been defending the title 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
4. Jax has been stripped of the title for not defending it.
     Makes sense, right?
     Well, Michael Bodyslam has used UCW's loss of another highly popular wrestler to create a storyline in which he can parody one of his competitors. Bodyslam has stripped Jax of the title and seized the belt for himself, "just like many other owners. They make their boyfriend or they make themselves the champion of the company...I will make all stipulations the day of the match. My stipulations rule, and no other opinions will be taken into consideration."
     There's more such foolishness, but you get the gist.
     That's the current state of UCW wrestling, folks. The founder has taken a "heel" turn in order to needle one of his rivals and most of our favorite wrestlers (including the star of the site's currently featured video) are "on hiatus."
     This story began a few months ago when a young Aries guy (the "wide-eyed innocents" of the zodiac) showed up at the UCW house, offering a deal on promotional t-shirts from a local print shop. The kid was encouraged to train for the fed, and he soon discovered that "wrestling Axel is about as much fun as a guy can have."
     According to Bodyslam, "If Jax is ever interested in working for UCW again, all he has to do is come to tryouts, and we'll see what he's got and what he's capable of. But maybe he'll have to get a note from his mommy that he's allowed to do this."
     That's how the story ends.
     Thank you, Jax Briggs, for giving us four of the most highly entertaining matches in the history of UCW. Thank you for inspiring me to keep blogging after Johnny was forced out. I will miss you so much.
    “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."
                                                                          -- Matthew 7:6
                                                                              New American Standard Bible (NASB)