Concerning this blog entry's title...it just seemed natural to use that quote from Thomas Paine, written during the bleakest period of the American Revolution, to describe the current state of affairs in Underground Championship Wrestling (UCW). Cases in point (in chronological order):
1. My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (who shall henceforth and forever be known in this blog as MBPJD) inexplicably and abruptly declared himself to be on hiatus from UCW for an indefinite period of time. This development sent me on a downward spiral emotionally and nearly led to a termination of this blog, since I suspected that the attention Johnny received from myself (and a huge number of other UCW fans) may have caused the callow youth to withdraw from the spotlight. MBPJD's endearingly shy qualities were on vivid display in his "Inside Scoop" UCW video update and I probably should have attempted to tone down the enormous affection that I felt for this particular UCW grappler (at least when I was composing public entries for this well publicized blog).
2. The monster Eli Black -- the flesh-and-blood incarnation of the vile, ruthlessly brutal, dark side of human nature -- now represents UCW as the federation's All Star Champion. No, Eli didn't defeat Michael Hannigan (or Ethan Axel Andrews, or any other top level athlete in the UCW ranks). The deck has been stacked against the legitimate athletes (and in favor of the street brawlers) over at UCW for quite some time, thanks to "Bodyslam" Michael's Machiavellian no-rules, sell-videos-at-all-costs philosophy. This misguided sense of priorities led to enforcement of a 24/7 title defense rule for the championship belt. To make a long story short, the true UCW Champion Michael Hannigan was defeated for the title thanks to a noose (yes, a noose) fashioned and utilized by a bondage obsessed sadist named Nick Diesel (a far too lackadaisical Ethan Axel Andrews, who refereed the match, finally put himself through the annoyance of checking Michael's breathing at the grueling bout's conclusion). Diesel achieved only a Pyrrhic victory, however, because an opportunistic street-urchin-turned-wrestler named Hunter Day materialized out of nowhere and took the title from the exhausted bondage master a few seconds later. Still, this was not the end of the championship chaos. During Hunter's first interview as champion, our friend Eli Black attacked the rookie from behind, strangled the kid (hands around the throat -- not even the pretense of a sleeper hold) until the young man passed out, then demanded that Ethan Axel Andrews (who had been watching videos in an adjoining room) don a referee's shirt, count Hunter's shoulders down, and declare a new title holder.
3. Bereft of the championship, Michael Hannigan disappeared from UCW's social networking platforms for several weeks. I worried, and "Bodyslam" Michael labeled me a worrywart. However, I realized that my fears were justified when Michael Hannigan finally returned to Facebook to inform his friends and fans that his father had been taken ill and was in need of a kidney transplant. Furthermore, Michael was scheduled to take some medical tests to determine if he would be a match as a kidney donor. Were Michael to volunteer for the procedure, he himself would be subject to medical risks. Michael admitted to being stressed out during this period of his young life. I've been waiting for more updates, but thus far Michael's only public statement has been "UCW fans are awesome." I continue to worry.
4. Despite my philosophical differences with "Bodyslam" Michael concerning UCW's anarchic approach to pro wrestling, I feel a great deal of respect and friendship for the man. After all, it was Bodyslam's desire to prevent injuries among untrained backyard wrestlers that led to the eventual formation of Underground Championship Wrestling. Therefore I was totally taken aback when, just yesterday, I learned via Bodyslam's Facebook that he was scheduled for open heart surgery. Michael is promising to keep us all updated, and is (quite deservedly) building a huge online support network comprised largely of appreciative UCW fans.
Seriously folks, could things get any worse? Even the health of Winston, one of the two loyal UCW dogs (along with Silas) in the Bodyslam-Axel household, has been called into question.
It may be egotistical for me to believe, given all of the trials and tribulations that the two Michael's (Hannigan and Bodyslam) are facing, that either of them really cares whether or not I'm blogging. However, when Johnny announced his departure from UCW and I told Bodyslam via instant messenger that I was considering quitting this blog, I remember his reaction.
"I don't want that," Bodyslam told me. "I like you writing about us...okay, sorry, just thought you should know...Hannigan will miss you and so will I..okay...talk to you later I hope..."
Now you see, ladies and gentlemen, this is what makes UCW so special. We not only enjoy the wrestling as entertainment, but we also get to know and care about the wrestlers (and owners) as people. Maybe another blog entry would help Michael Hannigan and Michael Bodyslam know how much I appreciate them as a wrestler and as a federation founder, respectively.
In that spirit, here we go again...
When you start off a video with a close-up shot of a wrestler's feet, you know you're in for a kink-fest catering to every niche fetish in the gay community.
Those are Pedro's feet (Michael's feet, to the best of my recollection, have never been featured in a UCW medium close-up). In addition to this opening sop to male foot fetishists, we also have male/male spanking action (fulfilling my Michael-Hannigan-as-fraternity-pledge fantasy)...
There are plenty of good, old fashioned, pro wrestling asphyxiation scenes...
Bondage in leather restraints...
Lots of absolutely merciless abs punishment (both in and out of bondage). In real life, Pedro is a gut punch aficionado (I know; he's a Facebook friend of mine). As a matter of fact, before this scene, Pedro looked into the camera and said, "This is for all of you gut punching fans." Then he did this to poor Michael...
There's even nipple twisting aka tit torture. (Originally, Pedro inflicted this punishment on Michael for daring to protect his abs during a gut punching scene. Later, Michael exacted some payback...)
In short, there's everything here except nylon windbreakers (inside joke).
Generally, I don't enjoy face vs. face matches (I'm still trying to recover from the disorienting effects of seeing Ethan Axel Andrews doing bodily harm to Johnny Deep). However, there is no real acrimony in this match. The central conflict in this video simply centers upon Michael's cocky Caucasian persona and Pedro's Hispanic pride. The video opens with Michael deliberately mispronouncing Pedro's surname ("uh-spot-uh") and making tasteless puns -- e.g., "you've got uh-spot-uh here..." (pointing at Pedro's briefs) "...and uh-spot-uh here..." (pointing at Pedro's youthful complexion).
As a result of this initial mockery, Pedro slaps Michael's hand away when he attempts a rather condescending, noblesse oblige style handshake (as shown in this blog entry's very top photo). Michael reacts by commenting, "Disrespect? Alright..." -- demonstrating that he is oblivious to his own rudeness. Throughout this match, especially during the bondage and abs punishment scenes, Pedro tries to force Michael to pronounce his surname correctly. However Michael (like MBPJD) is a Taurus and he stubbornly refuses; instead Michael delivers a series of smart aleck quips that spur Pedro to inflict even more torment upon him. At one point (during the choke-out scene pictured above), Michael brashly pushes his luck by looking into the camera, addressing the viewing audience, and commenting, "Uh-spot-uh -- now that's a stupid name."
Lest we get carried away by all this, let me now reiterate that Pedro and I are Facebook friends. We both not only reside in Connecticut, but also reside in the same east/central portion of the state. (I would link to Pedro's Facebook, but it's his personal account; still, he uses it to interact with UCW accounts constantly, and most UCW fans already know him). Knowing the real Pedro, I know that he has as much gay pride as he has Hispanic pride. I also know his true feelings concerning Michael Hannigan...
This photo from Pedro's Facebook shows him posing with Michael after the match. (We know it's a post match pic because of the reddened area around Michael's midsection.) Pedro's caption reads, "Me and Michael loads a fun and a great guy to work with!" (By the way, there's a smiley face emoticon after "fun" that can't be reproduced.)
In summation, this match is more like hot play between male friends than a grudge fight. I won't give you any clues whatsoever as to who eventually comes out on top. (Somewhere "Bodyslam" Michael is smiling.) Of course, there is plenty of pain (this is, after all, UCW) but the vibe is totally different from that brutal domination video which prompted me to start this blog (and we won't discuss that atrocity any further). This match is filled with consensual S&M. After inflicting significant punishment on his opponent, each wrestler asks for a submission. If a submission is denied (and it is, time and time again), the hold is broken and a new maneuver is attempted. Thankfully, this video will leave you aroused but not traumatized.
This video is #320 and finding it at the UCW site is kind of tricky. From the home page, click the tab that says "VIDEOS." That will take you to a page called "videolatest.html" which features matches #331 to #350. Now, here's where it gets tricky. This page contains two "MORE VIDEOS" links, one at the top of the page and one at the bottom of the page. If you click the TOP link, you're fine. The TOP link takes you to a page called "combatsecond.html" featuring videos #308 to #330 (which includes this video, plus Pedro's match against Ethan Axel Andrews -- #314). However, if you click on the BOTTOM link, you get sent to a page called "combat2.html" -- that page features only videos #300 to #306, and you'll be lost and confused forever. (Yes, it happened to me for quite some time.) Who designed this site anyway? Quinn Harper?
At any rate Blogger Joe from Ringside at Skull Island reviewed this match, and you can read it here:
Ringside at Skull Island: Vote for Pedro: Here are some screen shots of UCW 's latest release [#320]: Pedro Espada versus Michael Hannigan. It's basically a...
Funny how so many readers misunderstood the pop culture reference, "Vote For Pedro." (Google it.)
That's about it, folks. Of course, Michael Hannigan is now facing adversity in his personal life far greater than any UCW opponent. We're still in your corner, champ. Stay strong. We love you.
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