Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind from Rolling Thunder Bard on Vimeo.
And cover up the truth with lies.
One day, you'll be in the ditch
Flies buzzing around your eyes
Blood on your saddle."
Leave the false hope to eternal optimists like Jax Briggs. At the end of the day, it's an Eli Black world. The "heels" rule and the "faces" serve as fall guys.
UCW match #358 accomplished the seemingly impossible -- it prompted me to doubt my own cynicism. Yes, I actually ended the review of that match with these words: "Your faith in human nature will be restored, you'll regain your optimistic point-of-view, and hope will be kept alive in your heart." I said that. What's even worse, I meant it. Such is the transformational nature of effective drama.
Match #358 seemed to signal the beginning of a new era in UCW. Both Blogger Joe from "Ringside at Skull Island" and I thought that the heroic, young Jax Briggs had won the UCW All-Star Championship belt from Eli. The scenario seemed too good to be true, mainly because UCW founder Michael "Bodyslam" had developed a crush on Eli which manifested itself in decadent ab stroking and (according to Eli himself at the end of match #354) the nightly secreting of the champ's used undergarments under the UCW head honcho's bedroom pillows. Was this remark uttered during a sports-entertainment presentation a case of art imitating life?
At any rate, Bodyslam managed to find a technicality that invalidated Jax's victory.
I want to make it clear; I thoroughly, utterly loathe Eli Black. Yes, I recognize his type, and I know what he represents. Eli is a "man's man." Eli is the anti-Narcissus. Once Eli was a relatively attractive young man, but he soon defiled his desirable body with ugly markings (most of which are vapid platitudes illustrating Eli's self-centered nature). Eli's type doesn't want to gain advantages via physical beauty and charm. Eli's type wants to succeed through brute force and ruthlessness. Eli's type would rather be feared than loved so he traded an appealing image for an intimidating presence. At the core of Eli Black's essence is a thoroughly primitive nature.
To illustrate this fact, here's a photo of Eli holding his own foot and using his calf muscles to strangle Jax Briggs. Note the inscription on Eli's forearm, "I am only alive once and I am gonna die when God wants" (a quote from inspirational vocalist Machine Gun Kelly -- no wait, Machine Gun Kelly -- sorry about that -- different generation -- Old Freddie gets confused sometime).
Keeping this harsh reality in mind, I watched UCW match #361 Wednesday night. For a long time, I couldn't find words. For a long time, I wondered if I should bother trying.
I don't think anything like this has ever happened before in pro wrestling. I don't think any federation's champion has ever undertaken such a strategy, although people in other walks of life have. Former President Richard Nixon, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, and former Pope Benedict XVI immediately come to mind.
Wrestlers have been asked to "job" in championship matches before, but the level of degradation required of Jax in match #361 was unprecedented. What did Jax do to deserve this thankless role? Was Jax hired to be a victim from the beginning? Was all the hype concerning Jax just an elaborate build-up in preparation for a soul destroying let-down?
Was this storyline the work of Eli, acting out of egotism and jealousy? Was Eli worried that Jax, like Johnny, might build a larger fan base than his own? Did Eli propose this match, then get his way because of his favored status in UCW? Will Jax's final match in UCW (assuming that this one wasn't it) feature Jax stripped naked and bleeding from a head wound inflicted by Eli Black?
Time and time again, Jax has been referred to in UCW circles as "a great guy" -- which sounds dangerously similar to "a nice guy" -- and we all know the negative connotation associated with that.
What happens to Jax now? Who could ever take the persona of Jax Briggs seriously after match #361? Eli reduced Jax to a pitiful charity case. "Who ever said that I never gave back to the needy?" was one of Eli's despicable lines in his closing soliloquy. As a credible, respected UCW wrestler, Jax is finished.
Damn, I was set up perfectly. After Jax was denied the title based on the fine print in an imaginary rule book, UCW immediately signed him to a championship event. Once again, I was imagining the young hero Jax thanking his fans for their support. Once again, I imagined Eli Black having a meltdown, unable to cope with the consequences of his own hubris and ruthlessness. I even began composing this blog entry before viewing the match, searching for appropriate bible passages to rub salt in Eli's wounds. I heard rumors that Jax took the title, and my sense of excitement grew.
Who could have foreseen this match's repugnant conclusion? Just as Jax has been reduced to the status of a joke in UCW, so Eli has been elevated to the level of invulnerability. We fans will never see Eli lose that belt and receive his just comeuppance. Once upon a time, pro wrestling was a morality play. The heroes suffered adversity, but they eventually triumphed and presided over the punishment of the evildoers. Then fans began cheering for "heels" and everything changed. Now wrestling represents the world as it is, not as it should be. In UCW, the "heels" run the fed and the "faces" are fall guys. Hey, it's the same way in the real world. Only for one brief moment (after match #358) did UCW seem capable of inspiring us to believe in something better.
People think that pro wrestling is fake? Damn near everything in this world is fake. Politics is fake, religion is fake, practically everything we've been conditioned to believe is fake. UCW is real.
We haven't heard from Jax in weeks. Supposedly, this is due to the demands of his job and his inability to maintain internet access. That's credible -- UCW wrestlers are mostly guys who are struggling financially in this rotten economy.
Still, I've got to believe that Jax did his stint and now wants no more to do with the fed. That's totally understandable, since Jax seemed to really take his UCW persona seriously -- always went out of his way to cultivate a fan base, always maintained an unfailingly courteous and respectful attitude in all of his postings. Speaking of which, the sock puppet posts on Facebook designed to create controversy and promote this video just added insult to injury -- and damaged the Jax Briggs persona even more.
Where do we go from here? I can't imagine. Before Jax ever debuted in UCW, Bodyslam sent me a photo of Jax to assuage my misery over Johnny's departure (then still being called a "hiatus"). As it turned out, Jax fulfilled that mission above all expectations. Jax gave me a reason to keep on blogging. So much for that. It would be nice to hear from Jax after this ugliness -- the real Jax, not Bodyslam or Quinn Harper using Jax's Facebook account -- but I don't expect it. Who would want to carry on after this? Seriously. I mean, other UCW wrestlers have complaints that they weren't used properly. I'm sure they have legit gripes, but it all must pale compared to the role forced upon Jax in #361.
On a related note. Hunter Day (a naive Aries like Jax) is definitely gone from the fed (at least "for a while," as Axel phrased it). I guess Hunter was just hired to be humiliated also. You may recall how Hunter was ridiculed for being a "nobody" by his "partner" Eli Black in the last match we'll probably ever see of him. Oh, and remember the last Inside Scoop featuring Hunter? Come on. What was the point?
Hunter, Jax, Johnny...UCW is just like American society. The late George Carlin said it best: "It's a big club -- and you're not in it."
This rigged contest between a privileged egomaniac and an "obedient worker" for what should truly be called "The Eli Black Belt" is downloadable here: the UCW Wrestling website. Happy viewing.
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