FARCE - a comic dramatic work using buffoonery and horseplay and typically including crude characterization and ludicrously improbable situations.
synonyms: slapstick comedy, slapstick, burlesque, vaudeville, buffoonery
"the stories approach farce"
antonym: tragedy
the genre of farce.
an absurd event.
synonyms: mockery, travesty, absurdity, sham, pretense, masquerade, charade, joke, waste of time;
"the trial was a farce"
How do you camouflage a really loathsome act that you've committed in real life? Well, if you're the owner of a pro wrestling federation, you turn the entire incident into a storyline.
I have to admit, this Facebook post from UCW owner Michael Bodyslam warmed Old Freddie's cynical heart:
At my advanced age, I should have learned one simple lesson: "cynicism" is just a synonym for "realism." Only days -- yes, days -- after Bodyslam posted that magnanimous message to his current All-Star Champion, this seventeen-minute Inside Scoop was posted at the UCW site. Bodyslam's "understanding" attitude toward Jax Brigg's circumstances was short lived, indeed.
Despite the fact that Bodyslam claims in this video that I'm "always putting him down", the fact is that I like and respect Bodyslam. Bodyslam is your typical Leo, the astrological sign of bosses. Bodyslam is a man of action, a builder by nature, with the sensibilities of a benevolent dictator. It takes the Bodyslams of the world to create entities like UCW, and for that we all owe them a debt of gratitude. In our thankfulness for the gifts they give us, we must try our best to roll with the punches they throw at us. Those born under the sign of Leo are gregarious and generous by nature, but just the suggestion of dissent makes them go ballistic. (I learned that after I posted my "How To Destroy A Wrestling Persona" article.)
Well, I love UCW, but I'll criticize it when decisions are made that force my favorite wrestlers out of the federation -- and that's becoming the rule over there rather than the exception.
Jax is no longer UCW All-Star Champion, and he's "out of the company." Maybe Bodyslam will begin saying that Jax is "on hiatus" -- an adroit choice of words, since there's an implication that the wrestler's absence is temporary. However, Jax Briggs is probably on permanent hiatus from the fed -- just like My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD), whose last match (#354) featured Johnny being stripped naked after receiving a head injury courtesy of Eli Black (Bodyslam & Axel's neighbor). Of course, that type of thing isn't supposed to happen during UCW tapings...
I thought that match #361 -- the humiliation at the hands of Eli Black -- would be Jax's last UCW appearance. UCW coerced Jax into logging on to his Facebook account to offer all sorts of denials but I was right about that, too. Did Jax quit? Was he fired? What difference does it make? Jax is gone. Jax's credibility as UCW Champion was destroyed after #361 anyway.
You know, I was watching an old match from the UCW archives the other night -- #160 -- James "The Never Give Up Kid" vs. Donavon. Now, Donavon is a hot little dude but, let's face it, he's the quintessential jobber. Still, James did everything in his power to help Donavon "get over" in that match. As a UCW All-Star Champion James was a class act. James knew the meaning of "generosity" as the term relates to pro wrestling (it's similar to "generosity" among actors -- i.e., you don't try to steal scenes). Watch #160 and then watch #361 right afterward. You'll see the difference between the old UCW (dominated by guys like James) and the current version (monopolized by Eli Black).
For those who sat through the first portion of the skit concocted to explain the loss of Jax, you'll notice that the vile Eli Black himself made an appearance via videotape (urging that Jax be stripped of the title -- since his one-month championship reign is such a disgrace to UCW, of course).
Actually, all of the guys demonstrated surprisingly convincing acting skills during this kangaroo court scene. To my knowledge, only Axel has any thespian training, and he was the sole participant who seemed unable to stay in character. Barefoot, bare-chested, and incessantly grinning, Axel seemed unable to grasp the gravity of the proceedings. (No, Axel hadn't been smoking anything. Because of Axel's gentle manner of speaking and mellow vocal tone, he's often mistaken for a stoner, but he's not -- we've had that conversation before.)
Axel and Michael Hannigan (speaking of classy ex-UCW Champions) were on hand to defend Jax, but they did so in a halfhearted way (the kid wasn't injured or in the hospital, for god's sake -- just working steadily at a locale far removed from the UCW house).
All of the passion was on the side of the "heels" in this debate. Quinn Harper served as Devil's Advocate (typecasting for sure), Eli Black delivered a convincing videotaped deposition (allowing one slip -- he only gave Jax the belt because he dreamed of becoming the first two-time UCW Champion), and there was even a Black Dragon in attendance (notice that I didn't say "The Black Dragon" because he's not a UCW wrestler -- he's a UCW persona that has been portrayed by nearly every grappler in the fed, at one time or another).
I am mentioned twice during the proceedings (once for "spreading rumors that go around about the company when something happens" and once for being a potential candidate for UCW referee) but, in both cases, I'm given second billing to my nemesis, Blogger Joe over at "Ringside at Skull Island." Ah, well. Life is unfair. Just ask Jax Briggs.
Now, getting back to the shenanigans on the latest Inside Scoop -- let's suspend our disbelief for a second and take these proceedings seriously. Presumably, Jax is being stripped of the title and kicked out of the fed because he hasn't been defending the UCW All-Star Championship during the past few weeks...and we all know how many UCW matches were scheduled during that time period...
1. Jax has been UCW All-Star Champion for the last month.
2. The 24/7 rule has been in effect for the past month.
3. That means that Jax has been defending the title 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
4. Jax has been stripped of the title for not defending it.
Makes sense, right?
Well, Michael Bodyslam has used UCW's loss of another highly popular wrestler to create a storyline in which he can parody one of his competitors. Bodyslam has stripped Jax of the title and seized the belt for himself, "just like many other owners. They make their boyfriend or they make themselves the champion of the company...I will make all stipulations the day of the match. My stipulations rule, and no other opinions will be taken into consideration."
There's more such foolishness, but you get the gist.
That's the current state of UCW wrestling, folks. The founder has taken a "heel" turn in order to needle one of his rivals and most of our favorite wrestlers (including the star of the site's currently featured video) are "on hiatus."
This story began a few months ago when a young Aries guy (the "wide-eyed innocents" of the zodiac) showed up at the UCW house, offering a deal on promotional t-shirts from a local print shop. The kid was encouraged to train for the fed, and he soon discovered that "wrestling Axel is about as much fun as a guy can have."
According to Bodyslam, "If Jax is ever interested in working for UCW again, all he has to do is come to tryouts, and we'll see what he's got and what he's capable of. But maybe he'll have to get a note from his mommy that he's allowed to do this."
That's how the story ends.
Thank you, Jax Briggs, for giving us four of the most highly entertaining matches in the history of UCW. Thank you for inspiring me to keep blogging after Johnny was forced out. I will miss you so much.
-- Matthew 7:6
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
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