This is a "rematch" for the UCW Championship belt. The first "match," in which the odious Eli Black finally "won" the UCW Championship from Hunter Day, happened like this: Hunter's Inside Scoop.
Let's recap what we just watched. As if there wasn't enough chaos and anarchy in UCW already, the championship belt currently must be defended on a 24/7 basis -- in other words, if you want to be UCW Champion, now all you have to do is jump the champ with five of your friends in a parking lot (or just shoot the guy), put a referee shirt on someone, and pin the titleholder's shoulders for a three-count.
If you clicked on that link, you saw unlikely champion and perennial underdog Hunter Day attacked from behind by Eli Black, who was never able to win the belt when there was some semblance of order and structure in UCW. Knowing the cameras are rolling and acting on his con boss instincts, Eli says "Go to sleep, go to sleep" to Hunter as he applies what he would have us believe is a sleeper hold. Anyone with common sense (if there are any such individuals left in UCW) would realize that Black was not cutting off blood flow to the carotid arteries on either side of Hunter's neck; instead, Eli was cutting off Hunter's air supply by simply strangling him. As Hunter chokes and gasps, the unfortunate young man manages to sputter, "Get him off me, ref!" in an audible tone. However, Ethan Axel Andrews (top UCW wrestler and 50% owner of the fed) either doesn't hear or doesn't care to respond, since he's busy with his computer in the next room (and if he was watching a live feed of the attack, may God have mercy on his soul). Eventually, we hear a horrid gurgling sound coming from Hunter (almost like a death rattle) and the kid finally "goes to sleep." At that point, the maniacal Black begins jumping for joy like a kid on Christmas morning, yelling for Axel to put on his referee shirt and award him a pinfall victory. Axel lackadaisically saunters in from the adjoining room and reluctantly acquiesces.
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen -- one of the greatest moments in the history of athletic competition. Eli Black now represents UCW. Somehow, that seems fitting.
By the way, it's nice to see that the head honchos at UCW listen to me on shallow fashion points, at least. After raving about how well Johnny Deep wore that sexy, sleeveless, open front, referee's shirt in match #336, they dug it out of mothballs and gave it to Axel to wear in the video we just discussed. Oh, and the last real UCW Champion we had, Michael Hannigan, wore it well, too...
Michael had a long title reign before UCW sank to its current level -- back in the days when UCW athletes had a fighting chance against the thugs and crazies. I've been so worried about Michael H., and so disgusted with the present course of UCW, that I made the following video message to UCW founder "Bodyslam" Michael (it was edited down from its original length because Johnny Deep told me the last one was too long -- and I always do whatever Johnny tells me to do because I love him more than life itself):
Knowing what a monster Eli Black is, I expected the rematch with Hunter Day (UCW's latest offering, video #345) to feature carnage on a par with Black's slaughter of my beautiful, precious Johnny Deep (the aforementioned, infamous video #336). Instead, I got a love-fest.
"Bodyslam" Michael himself served as referee of this match, and he immediately set the tone by telling Black, "I love you, man" (in those exact words). At one point, there was even this exchange:
ELI (to BODYSLAM): "I'm going to give you a chance to make the audience jealous. I'm going to give you one complimentary Eli Black ab rub."
BODYSLAM (to Eli, looking into the camera): "This one's for you guys."
...and then the UCW founder, serving as referee for this match, actually stroked the underbelly of the beast. The top photo on this blog captures this moment, which may represent the end of civilization as we know it.
You're probably thinking, "Well, what about Hunter Day? Eli Black nearly murdered that kid, and then took away his coveted UCW Championship belt. There can't be any love lost between those two!"
Well, guess again, ladies and gents. This blog is entitled "Kindred Spirits" for a reason. First off, Hunter is the most inaptly named wrestler in the sport. The name "Hunter" has a distinctly refined tone -- in the realm of wrestling personae, Hunter Hearst Helmsley aka Triple H, the elitist heel from Greenwich, Connecticut, immediately springs to mind.
By contrast, Hunter Day is anything but refined. Day is something of a street urchin, a scrapper from the wrong side of the tracks -- a hoodlum you can't help pitying because he's so low on the predatory food chain (the maliciously perceptive Eli Black deliberately referred to Hunter as "Hunted" during this match). When Day was being introduced to the UCW audience via a previous "Inside Scoop" video blog, Bodyslam joked (?) that Hunter was a member of a local Philadelphia gang.
Therefore, we can forget all about that choked-into-unconsciousness thing, the messy title change, etc. Hunter and Eli are two peas in a pod, thick as thieves at the end of the day. As a matter of fact, right after the bell rings, Hunter's first words to Eli are: "I'm going to tell you -- I don't like many people around here, but you're a funny dude." Well, isn't that special...and what follows is thirty minutes of roughhouse and buffoonery by a pair of macho knuckleheads (e.g., they spend a lot of time trading gut punches and compliments).
As I've spent a great deal of time during this blog talking about the quality of UCW refereeing (and frequently the total absence of it -- just put two guys who hate each other on the same mat and let them do whatever to each other), I may as well mention Bodyslam's refereeing of this match. Bodyslam calls himself, "totally fair and impartial" -- and he is. That doesn't mean that Bodyslam is anything even approaching competent as a referee.
You see, Bodyslam comes from the same "gregarious sadist" school of wrestling promotion as BG East's Kid Leopard. Bodyslam doesn't care whether Day or Black win this match -- he just wants to see people hurt (and Bodyslam loves gut punishment -- I'm his Facebook friend so I know). In other words, whatever gene sparks compassion is missing in guys like Bodyslam (and, I strongly suspect, in guys like Blogger Joe over at "Ringside At Skull Island").
As a matter of fact, when Hunter Day seems most seriously hurt during this match, it's due to "referee" Bodyslam's influence. At one point, Eli pulverizes Hunter with a splash...
"Beautiful splash. Can you do another one?" Bodyslam inquires.
"You sure you want to see another one?" Eli questions skeptically as Hunter writhes in pain on the mat.
"That was a nice one," Bodyslam reaffirms.
"How about you put your knee right here and give me a little height?" Eli suggests to Bodyslam -- which brings us to this scene:
Now try telling me that UCW doesn't need at least a few rules and some real referees.
(This, and all other matches mentioned in this blog, are available at UCW Wrestling.)
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