Blogs about underground wrestling federations and the wrestlers who compete in them, with a particular focus on Underground Championship Wrestling (aka UCW Wrestling). Featured wrestlers: Skip Vance, Jax Briggs, Ethan Axel Andrews, Eli Black, Johnny Deep, Vincent Stone, Shane Saunders, Michael Hannigan, Nick Diesel, Pedro Espada, Danny Sticks, Pvt. Jack Marino, Diego Valentino, Isaiah "Ice" Berg, Quinn Harper, Hiro, Hunter Day, Oliver Wood, Victor, and L.S. Powerhouse.
Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you If you're young at heart. For it's hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind If you're young at heart.
You can go to extremes with impossible schemes. You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams. And life gets more exciting with each passing day. And love is either in your heart, or on it's way.
Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth To be young at heart. For as rich as you are, it's much better by far To be young at heart.
And if you should survive to 105,
Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart.
UCW Wrestling takes a gamble with their latest video release (match #449) and it pays off big.
This offering features the mononymous (and perhaps aptly named) Victor testing his youthful vigor against a debuting grappler/bodybuilder named LS Powerhouse, a buff gentleman of a classic vintage predating even Old Freddie. Powerhouse could be Victor's father (if not his grandfather) and the fact that LS is a totally credible "heel" -- a thoroughly intimidating physical specimen -- serves as a huge inspiration to vegetating geriatrics like yours truly.
Actually, match #449 is a double-barrel inspiration, thanks to the presence of Victor. Victor motivated me to compose another recent blog entry in which I focused on Victor's long haired, bohemian image. Now sporting a shorter hairstyle, Victor is more difficult to categorize (perhaps the only label that fits Victor is "individualist" and that, in itself, is sexy). However, Victor's mop-top is still long enough to provide a stark contrast to LS's shiny, depilated pate so the covetous, crusty codger resorts to some ungentlemanly hair-pulling during this encounter.
Young Victor's tresses are so frequently a source of his distress throughout match #449, this video will probably elicit orgasmic paroxysms from another salacious senior, my good friend Blogger Joe (who is once again churning out wrestling reviews for Ringside at Skull Island, by the way).
Inter-generational jealousy is a subtext of this production as the petulant Powerhouse mauls Victor's elegant, angular visage. Victor's effervescent smile stokes the fires of LS's sadism.
Certain individuals out there in underground wrestling land (who are as cynical about their politics as they are about their wrestling productions) have called me an "ultra-mark" because I discuss the blurred lines between theatrics and reality in sports entertainment. May I cite as evidence the following bit of interaction during match #449...
If you think that LS isn't actually punishing Victor here, you're clearly delusional (the sort of person who believes that Bernie Sanders isn't a viable presidential candidate, for example)...
I don't believe I've ever seen anyone's upper gums exposed to that degree...
In the comfortable, upper middle-class world that some individuals inhabit, it's unfathomable that young men would actually suffer excruciating pain to earn money in underground wrestling videos. I'll say no more about the matter. (My Beautiful, Precious Johnny Deep -- MBPJD -- never received a head injury in his final UCW video, either.)
Since it's all sanitized theatrics, we must marvel at Victor's remarkable job of "selling" when a certain sensitive portion of his anatomy appeared to be twisted...
You don't believe that Powerhouse would actually apply real pressure during this bearhug, do you? I'm sure that LS was all charm and delicacy during this encounter...
A wrestler making his debut in UCW knows that he'll never be invited back if his video doesn't sell. Of course, that knowledge would never factor into his behavior during a shoot. None of these guys would actually rough up their opponents, would they?
Well, if such behavior ever did occur -- hypothetically speaking, of course -- the wrestler who had been abused would relish an opportunity to retaliate. For example, a wrestler who had taken quite a few stiff hits might actually enjoy blocking blood flow in his bullying opponent's carotid arteries when administering a sleeper hold...
...until the bully's face started turning purple and the veins in his forehead started to bulge.
The feeling of finally being in control might drive a kid wild with ecstasy...
...causing the youngster to become so carried away that the bully would have to covertly signal to the cameraman...
...and the cameraman would gesture to the kid, imploring him to ease up on the hold.
Of course, the kid would comply, having already scored a moral victory of sorts.
I don't want you to get the impression that this video contains a solid 32 minutes and 10 seconds of brutality (although there is enough of it to satisfy even the staunchest prettyboy hater). In addition to the freelance torment that the grapplers inflict on each other, there's also some good-natured tussling.
Victor frequently displays his flexibility, blithely tolerating contortions that would create major discomfort in a less youthful athlete.
When UCW wrestlers begin their training, they are told to punch the mat room's cinder block wall. To avoid injuring their knuckles, the neophyte grapplers usually pull their punch, to one degree or another. The rookies are then informed that they should never punch an opponent with more force than they used when striking the wall.
Therefore, video #449's "gut punishment" segment is actually one of the less intense portions of the presentation. Victor and LS don't seem to be actually trying to injure each other in this exchange; the interaction reminded me of a stern father attempting to discipline a rebellious son. The dynamic is rather endearing.
Victor may be a classic "face," but LS Powerhouse is only a borderline "heel." At a live event, LS would definitely have his share of fans (in much the same way that the Road Warriors were cheered in arenas while the NWA was grooming them as villains). Powerhouse's opponents can expect a battering, but without being subjected to the humiliating kinkiness of Quinn Harper or the off-the-wall (literally) violence of Eli Black. I don't expect a second mass exodus of my favorite UCW "finesse" grapplers due to LS's arrival on the scene.
As you may guess, Victor really does it for me -- but Blogger Joe, in typical fashion, seems to be somewhat lukewarm to the slender young heartthrob. You can read Joe's "Ringside at Skull Island" review of match #449 here: "Powerhouse Touches the Merchandise."
Yes, it was Victor's presence that enticed me to purchase match #449, but LS Powerhouse turned out to be more than just an added bonus. As I and many of my friends deal with impending old age and declining vitality, LS Powerhouse stands out as an ideal -- a rugged alpha male who can not only compete in UCW with absolute credibility, but also dominate whippersnappers less than half his age.
A review of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship match between Kyle O'Connor and Fratboy Francis Franklin aka "Triple F" has been posted at http://lrwwrestling.blogspot.com/2015/04/lrw-wrestling-triple-f-vs-kyle-oconnor.html, which includes a link to the brand spanking new LRW Locker Room page. See which wrestler became the first-ever LRW Wrestling Super-Star Champion!!!
Just wanted to give you a "heads up" that the newest member of LRW Wrestling, Fratboy Francis Franklin aka "Triple F" has his intro video posted at http://lrwwrestling.com and you can get the DVD featuring his match against Kyle O'Connor over here: http://www.ebay.com/itm/161644998777.
Old Freddie has just posted a video introducing the first member of the LRW Wrestling roster. Visit the LRW Wrestling blog and check it out: http://lrwwrestling.com!!!
That musical introduction to my review of Underground Championship Wrestling's (aka UCW Wrestling's) match #396 works on two levels: as a play on the word "face" and as an allusion to Ethan Axel Andrews' apparent multiple personality disorder (you'll remember, I once drew an analogy between Axel's underground wrestling career and "The Three Faces of Eve").
The top photo shows Shane Saunders smiling beatifically as he shakes Axel's hand, even after the UCW co-owner had been unaware of the proper pronunciation for Shane's surname (it's "Saunders" with an "au" diphthong; "Sanders" is the last name of the guy who should be our next president). Note to Axel: When an angelic sweetheart like Shane Saunders wanders into your federation, willing to do battle with your rogues gallery of tatted-up thugs, at least take the time to learn the kid's name.
Another thing, Axel -- don't refer to the young man's dismal won-lost record in your prematch comments. Johnny Deep (MBPJD) was UCW's most popular wrestler (who fattened your wallet considerably and consistently) without ever winning a single match. You threw Johnny to the wolves (Quinn Harper and Eli Black) and he's not around anymore on indefinite hiatus now. Sooner or later, UCW is going to run out of "saviors." For the time being, thank your lucky stars that Shane is still around (that horribly bruised arm which Shane sustained in his defacto debut against Quinn Harper -- your depraved "wrecker of prettyboys" -- still stands out in my mind).
I've mentioned on several occasions that Axel is the UCW wrestler who is most proficient at inflicting pain while wrestling within the rules. Case in point...
Remember that from junior high days?
Shane's arm is still twisted and locked behind his back during this bearhug.
The Passion of Shane Saunders continues as he begins to gaze heavenward, reminding us of The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian...
Axel mumbles something inaudible, presumably to justify his use of a clenched fist (repeatedly, including ab punishment) -- but does anyone in UCW even take notice of such behavior anymore? There were no graphic shots of Shane's facial expressions during that bit of torture, but here's what occurred a few minutes later. I think this maneuver (which appears to be breaking Shane's face in half) is called a "triangle." It's all the rage among UCW wrestlers these days...
Doesn't Axel look coy and demure?
Miraculously, Shane manages to power his way out of this predicament, but Axel doesn't make it easy for him. Clearly, Axel isn't happy with the idea of a reversal and he tightens his leglock as Shane is attempting to extricate his head, giving the kid a case of cauliflower ears. When Shane finally gains the upper hand, he taunts (in an undeniably charming, barely post-adolescent tone), "Yeah! We're not talking so much now, are we? How's that feel?"
Amazingly, Axel resists the urge to engage in foot worship.
I should now mention that, during the portions of this match when Shane dominates, he never, ever executes maneuvers of questionable legality. Unlike Danny Sticks (who became nearly homicidal when Axel began to toy with him in a cruel manner), Shane remains a "class act." (Shane does, however, use salty language from time to time, and that's hot.)
Like a doctor mocking the Hippocratic Oath, Axel uses his knowledge as a personal trainer to inflict injuries on Shane, all the while utilizing a sadistic running commentary that would make the monstrous Eli Black proud.
"Ah, it's not really good on the Achilles there..."
Shane might have been brought to tears by this maneuver. After holding his head, pounding his fists onto the mat, and kicking his feet, Shane lets out an anguished scream and shields his eyes from the camera.
Oh...and in a sport which features countless images of hunks lying supine on the mat, here's a shot of Shane in a prone position:
Purely gratuitous, and you're welcome.
Okay, now let me get back to the main point of this article. At the 25:30 mark of this colossal back-and-forth struggle, during which both wrestlers (especially Shane) have endured immense abuse, Axel is punishing Shane with an armbar and a knee in the face. At this inopportune moment, Axel has the audacity to inquire of Shane, "We're still friends after this, right?" Believe it or not, Shane innocently gasps, "Yeah, sure," in response.
Then, inexplicably, Axel posted this video blog as soon as the match was over, posing a question to viewers at the end...
...to which we can only answer, "Are you some sort of madman?" Shane gave absolutely no cause for you (or anyone else) to doubt his integrity -- not during this match, at least. Even if something occurred behind the scenes, what business owner expresses distrust of an employee in front of his customers?
I found myself thinking, "If Shane wrestled for me, I'd treat him with the respect he deserves." It was a familiar sentiment. Throughout the history of this blog, I told myself (and my readers), "If I owned UCW, Eli Black would never be my standard bearer." Then, when that nightmare was over, "If I owned UCW, Quinn Harper would never represent my federation."
Well, I don't own UCW and complaining about their corporate decisions just makes me appear negative. I have immense respect for both Bodyslam and Ethan, but it's clear that we'll never be on the same page. As if to underscore that fact, here's a Facebook exchange that occurred just today concerning the future course of the federation (click on the screen cap to enlarge):
Um, guys...if you begin doing "an 18 and over check-in," then you're running an adult entertainment site -- and it wouldn't be necessary were it not for Quinn Harper tactics that run respectable young athletes out of the fed (and prevent others from getting involved in the first place). Yet there it is -- another reiteration of UCW's "no rules" approach. If I said any more on the matter I would, in the words of Michael Bodyslam, be "beating a dead horse."
Those of you who disagree with me on this issue are probably saying, "Hey Freddie, if you don't like it, then start your own federation." Well...okay...
That's my official logo, and it's all bought and paid for and copyrighted and all that legalistic stuff. The "LRW" stands for "Living Room Wrestling"...because all of the matches will take place in my living room, of course (on a stereotype-shattering pink mat, to match the room's decor).
Oh, and here's a close-up of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship belt that I had fabricated. (Yes, the concept was inspired by the UCW Wrestling All-Star Championship belt -- which, according to Michael Bodyslam, was in turn inspired by the old WWF All-Star Wrestling telecasts.)
Does this mean I'm parting company with UCW? Oh, hell no -- unless Bodyslam and Ethan disown me. As long as UCW features guys like Shane Saunders and Vincent Stone, I'll keep writing about them and promoting them. I'll even be making frequent mention of UCW in my videos and website, because UCW is never out of Old Freddie's mind or heart for very long.
Did I say website? Oh yeah, I've got the domain and everything -- lrwwrestling.com -- plus an email account -- lrw-wrestling@comcast.net -- in case any prettyboy hunks in the Connecticut area want to get in on this (it pays more than being an extra in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster -- Old Freddie knows a little about that, too).
Alright, enough about me. As I said, this is UCW match #396, and it's currently available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Get it while it's hawt! and faboosh! (as my good friend Perez would say).
It should also be noted that UCW has released two more videos since this one. Video #397 is an apparent homage to Johnny Deep (don't forget what he requested for a birthday gift last year) with Axel and Aron wrestling in lacrosse gear. Video #398 features Shane wrestling the more-than-somewhat-sketchy Diego Valentino in oil (in Axel's match review video blog, Shane is clearly creeped out before the match even begins -- punishment for upsetting the boss?).
Well, that's it for now. Keep checking both blogs for news on the two most exciting federations in the underground wrestling scene -- UCW and my new, glamorous LRW -- sports-entertainment for every taste -- something for everyone.(Oh, and Shane -- if things get too rough for you down in Philadelphia, just keep in mind that Connecticut isn't that far away.)
I viewed this match three nights ago, right before bedtime, and it gave me insomnia. I was almost going to post on Facebook, "Watched UCW-Wrestling match #387 and now so full of hate that I can't sleep," but I didn't feel like discussing UCW at all, not even in a negative light. Originally, I was going to simply entitle this blog entry, "UCW Sucks," but thankfully I recalled an old Rolling Stones tune that can be used to more articulately describe my discouragement.
Do yourselves a favor and click "play" on that video. That's Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones appearing on the BBC, back when Old Freddie was a seven-year-old kid in second grade -- and I derive enormous satisfaction that Mick and the boys are still alive and kicking today, haven't missed a beat, and are even performing that same song on their current concert tour. (Of course, the exception is Brian Jones, the blond haired kid with mutton chop sideburns who seems stoned out of his skull in the above vid. The cameraman avoids focusing upon him until the last few minutes, when Brian starts staring at fascinating hallucinations on the ceiling and Keith starts laughing at him.) No comment concerning the wild and uninhibited dance moves from the 1960's white kids in the audience, but Jagger (the Baryshnikov of Rock) was an aberration even then. The Stones always had an edge and were great entertainers, while the Beatles were boring-ass mediocrities who were simply in the right place at the right time (including, and especially Paul McCartney -- Kanye fans take note).
No, this isn't a music blog (or an astrology blog, Danny Sticks) but this song sums up my disgust toward UCW Wrestling after match #387 and renews my resolution to quit blogging about that wayward fed: "Well, I told you once and I told you twice / But you never listen to my advice / Don't try very hard to please me / With what you know, it should be easy."
Actually, UCW seemed on the verge of getting back on the right track, almost in spite of itself. Eli Black, the thuggish misanthrope who had dominated the federation since I began blogging, suddenly started to turn human before our very eyes (it was almost as if Bodyslam and Axel -- both huge Doctor Who fans -- had decided to produce videos with a sci-fi component). Due perhaps to newfound romance in his personal life -- or whatever reason -- Eli has been "poised," "sunny," and even "positively radiant" (Ringside at Skull Island's terminology, and for once Blogger Joe nailed it) during his last several UCW appearances.
Then Eli, who drove My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) out of UCW and perpetrated the Swarthmore Screwjob on Jax Briggs, redeemed himself by bringing childhood pal Vincent Stone (UCW's hottest piece of eye candy since Jax) into the fed. Seeing Eli interact with Vincent in UCW videos is like watching Dallas Winston demonstrate tenderness toward Johnny Cade in "The Outsiders." (In recent email correspondence, Vincent told me, "Eli is a good friend and sweet to me and my family. Just want you to know.")
With UCW showcasing a more complex, multidimensional Eli Black and his hugely appealing protege, one had cause to be optimistic about the federation's future. Still, there was a snake remaining in Eden -- Quinn Harper, who has exerted huge influence on UCW (both on camera and behind-the-scenes) for quite some time. The "Inside Scoop" video blogs parodying Harper's mesmerizing mind-control over UCW founder Michael Bodyslam were right on the mark, and even co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews lost his moral compass, tarnishing his heroic UCW persona when he became Harper's tag team partner.
The photo at the top of this page is from the very beginning of match #387. Michael Bodyslam is tersely explaining that "Quinn Harper has enough wins to take me on" for the UCW All-Star Championship belt. Yes, Quinn Harper, the guy who Eli just dropped as a tag team partner ("You don't satisfy my needs! You don't make me happy! We don't win!"). Note: Ringside at Skull Island's Blogger Joe is famous for his slippery language, but he left very little wriggle-room in a recent blog, calling Quinn a shoo-in for the title.
This is a photo from the very end of match #387 -- Michael Bodyslam as The Lion In Winter (open-heart surgery and bad knee notwithstanding) physically attacking Quinn Harper. No, it's not a spoiler; plenty of action occurs at the end of this video, and Bodyslam's assault is just part of it.
By the way, Danny Sticks (who seems to have replaced Hunter Day as UCW's misguided rookie) serves as referee in this fiasco. At the conclusion of this match, Danny makes it clear that even he wants a different outcome (a sentiment totally out of character with his UCW persona as Harper's tag team partner), prompting Bodyslam to make a disparaging reference to Danny's subversive improv during his closing remarks.
In my review of match #381, I called Quinn a "rabid coyote" in describing his attack on Eli. Judging from Quinn's behavior in match #387, he probably took my remark as a compliment (it sounds similar to "rabid wolverine"). Therefore, let me revise my description -- Quinn resembles a rabid sewer rat in match #387. Fans of Animal Planet will enjoy this video.
Blogger Joe went wild over this match (just read the last four sentences of his review) and still managed to be as offensive as ever (that nameless "wet behind the ears rookie" who gained the UCW Championship was Jax Briggs -- a kid with mad skills who defeated Ethan Axel Andrews in his debut match). Not surprisingly, anything that Blogger Joe loves, Old Freddie hates. Since I am in the habit of rating UCW videos on a scale in which five hugs-and-kisses equals perfection, then match #387 gets zero, zilch, nada -- no love from Old Freddie at all. This video is fascinating in the way that a tragic train wreck is fascinating, and it represents the demise of my favorite underground wrestling fed.
I'm posting the above photo in an attempt to illustrate Quinn's physical condition at the end of match #387. Quinn has an injured knee and the makings of a black eye, and he's saying, "This is for those of you who think wrestling isn't real." Well, Quinn, I've never been one of those people. I've always believed that UCW represents reality in all of ugliness, as I made clear in my review of the Jax Briggs vs. Eli Black debacle (match #361, the only UCW presentation more disheartening than this one).
Here's some advice to Bodyslam (especially) and you too, Ethan. You guys are not running an adult entertainment website. I watched Quinn's reaction to the "oil-check" reversal in match #387, and that scene reached new levels of creepiness. I almost ran a photo of that "wrestling maneuver" but I'm not sinking to that level; I'll leave it to the purveyors of "hardboiled wrestling kink" (only Blogger Joe could or would utilize a phrase like "creatively degenerate wrestler" and only Quinn Harper could feel flattered by it). If you want to continue down this path (and I'm also thinking about the "pool stick" segment in match #374), you're defiling a wonderful gift that you gave to us.
As if video #387 (and its ramifications) weren't depressing enough, Vincent told me in his last email: "I guess my next match wasn't any good and I have to train more before I can do more matches, so maybe you could tell Michael to keep using me." You know, it kind of breaks my heart to see this kid's self-esteem being destroyed ("My smile was bad...my next match wasn't any good..." and I haven't forgotten that introductory "Inside Scoop": "I won't make him flex and all that because I just won't embarrass him"). I don't know what gaffes Vincent commits in his next match, but I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love every minute of the video. There are qualities besides technical proficiency that make for an entertaining underground wrestling presentation. On top of that, do you really think that Eli is going to maintain his current high level of enthusiasm for UCW if you reject Vincent?
Here's the deal, Bodyslam and Ethan. If you still want Old Freddie around after this scathing review of your latest offering, then keep Vincent in the federation. Otherwise, I'll just fade away. ("Old bloggers never die. They just fade away." Perez Hilton said that, and that's your history lesson for today.)
This may be the last time.
This may be the last time.
May be the last time, I don't know.
(Video #387 aka "R.I.P. to U.C.W." is available for download here: UCW Wrestling )
Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something appealing, Something appalling, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns; Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
Old situations, New complications, Nothing portentous or polite; Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!
Something convulsive, Something repulsive, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something aesthetic, Something frenetic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Nothing with gods, nothing with fate; Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Nothing that's formal, Nothing that's normal, No recitations to recite; Open up the curtain: Comedy Tonight!
Something erratic, Something dramatic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Frenzy and frolic, Strictly symbolic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everybody: Comedy tonight! Something that's gaudy, Something that's bawdy-- Something for everybawdy! Comedy tonight!
Nothing that's grim. Nothing that's Greek. She plays Medea later this week.
Stunning surprises! Cunning disguises! Hundreds of actors out of sight!
Pantaloons and tunics! Courtesans and eunuchs! Funerals and chases! Baritones and basses! Panderers! Philanderers! Cupidity! Timidity! Mistakes! Fakes! Rhymes! Crimes! Tumblers! Grumblers! Bumblers! Fumblers!
No royal curse, no Trojan horse, And a happy ending, of course! Goodness and badness, Panic is madness-- This time it all turns out all right! Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!
UCW Wrestling match #381 begins with a standup comedy routine, the humor of which is derived from the spectacle of macho straight guys parodying gay behavior (something with which Quinn Harper is quite familiar -- yes, very familiar). Eli Black is frolicking with his new tag team partner, Vincent Stone, in the UCW mat room when Quinn Harper (Eli's former tag partner) walks in on them.
ELI (to Quinn): "I didn't want you to find out like this."
QUINN: "Find out like this? It's all over the bathroom stalls! Come on!"
ELI: "Look. Listen. You didn't get the hint? Alright, what happened last time? I back stabbed you. I cheated on you. Take a hint!"
QUINN: "And I'm still here. Take a hint that I'm not going anywhere."
ELI: "What makes you think I'd want to take you back? I went to the length of cheating on you because you suck at being a tag team partner and lost every match. What makes you think I'd want you to stay? You don't satisfy my needs! You don't make me happy! (At that point, Vincent breaks up in laughter.) We don't win. So therefore, yes, I've had to go a different route."
QUINN (pointing at Vincent): "That's not how this is going to go."
ELI: "This is how it's going to go."
QUINN: "There are other people..."
Quinn then beseeches the only other wrestler at the locale, UCW co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews, to be his tag team partner in this match. For some inexplicable reason, Axel agrees to become involved in this asinine domestic squabble.
When I first heard about match #381, I was dismayed by the tag team pairings. An Axel & Vincent vs. Eli & Quinn match-up would be a classic "face vs. heel" encounter (and I wouldn't be troubled by divided loyalties). Via their Facebook page, UCW posted this message to me: "Axel says to watch the match, and you will approve and understand everything, Freddie Young."
In actuality, I don't think that even Axel approves of these alliances. At the start of this match, Ethan tells Vince, "Sorry I'm going to have to beat on you but hey, after we kick your asses, why don't you just drop him (pointing to Eli) and come train with me? You need to forget this guy, too (pointing to Quinn)."
I think Ethan listens to me (he's still wearing the same wrestling gear that I praised in my review of match #374), so let me just say this. Don't be influenced by "heel blogger" Joe from "Ringside at Skull Island." Joe may fantasize about "shuffling off this mortal coil" in the arms of some dastardly brute, but that's not your role, Ethan. When Blogger Joe starts getting excited about how "commanding and tough" you are and begins fawning over your "convincing sneer," then you know that you're heading down the wrong path.
Speaking of Blogger Joe, even a broken clock is correct once every twelve hours, and Joe had a moment recently. Joe raved about Eli's "sunny" disposition in his review of match #379. I thought Eli was just thrilled to have Pvt. Jack back from the military, but Eli continues to be "radiant" (Joe's phraseology again) in this tag team encounter. I think Joe must have some inside info concerning Eli's personal life.
Early in this video, Eli taunts Ethan with, "That's right, Axel, be a f*cking bully, baby." The line is delivered passionately, and Ethan seems taken aback. At first, those words seemed hypocritical, coming from Eli. However, as the match progresses, Eli's message gains credibility.
Like a science fiction film, this video presents us with an Eli Black who is becoming human before our very eyes. In match #381, Eli is not the one-dimensional personification of evil who destroyed My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep almost a year ago (and Johnny himself told me that Axel's partner Quinn Harper, not Eli, was actually "the worst guy" in UCW). Eli now seems more complex, no longer beyond redemption -- while Axel seems to be sinking to "heel" level.
Is all this really necessary?
As for newcomer Vincent Stone, he's positively adorable (even if he is slow at answering his fan mail). At the very start of this match, after a stunning display of razzle-dazzle choreography, Vincent finds himself in control of Quinn Harper via the proficient utilization of a Boston Crab. Vince looks right into the camera lens (an unusual and endearing habit of his) with a proud, "hey, look at me" expression.
From a standpoint of structure, this is a pretty loose production (as one might expect from a UCW tag match with no referee). Spontaneity takes precedence over precision and there are plenty of stumbles and bumbles along the way. For example, at the 9:30 mark, Ethan almost inadvertently pins Vince. The rookie can't kick out and Eli can't make the save in time. In order to produce a match of marketable length, Quinn is forced to interfere on his opponent's behalf.
Despite the gratuitous, over-the-top violence done to Eli during a portion of this presentation, match #381 is basically a lighthearted romp. Ethan insisted that Vincent be given a free pass during most of this video (except for an unfortunate instance near the end, which we'll discuss later). As a result, Vince makes mischief with impunity. For example, when Vince puts Axel in a surfboard, he places his right foot in an inappropriate spot (this titillates Quinn, who admits to having "mixed feelings" about the maneuver).
Oh -- and Vince is staring at the camera again.
Vince does receive some comeuppance, though, and he takes his bumps like a trooper. While sandwiched in the middle of a double bearhug, Vince can see Quinn positioning himself to deliver a low blow, but there's nothing that the hotboy can do to prevent it.
Now, once again, I must take exception to a remark that Blogger Joe made in his review of this match. Joe is always far more glib than insightful, but when he says, "Quinn specially targets his young, doomed-looking replacement, Vincent," I have to wonder if Joe even watched this video.
Both Quinn and Ethan target Eli in match #381. It's all fun and games for Vincent up until the troubling 26:45 mark (which, once again, we will discuss later). For example, here's "doomed-looking" Vincent seemingly having the time of his life (and this is not atypical of most of the action in this match).
At the 10:44 mark, Eli prepares to deliver his patented finishing move, the Shutdown, on Axel. Eli remarks, "It's a little early, but what the hell." Then Eli says to Vincent, "Do you want to smack his ass for good luck?" Vince is happy to oblige.
However, Eli isn't satisfied. "Oh, I think you should do it a little bit harder," Eli tells Vince. This time, Axel yelps.
Now we'll discuss the last seven minutes of this video (the part that Blogger Joe may have actually watched). After quite a bit of opportunistic aggressiveness on the part of Vincent, Quinn begins to yell at Axel from his corner, "Axel, I'm trying to play your game, but I want to play my game, dude. Give me permission to be me. Axel! Give me permission to be me!"
This is a pivotal point in the match, and maybe in Axel's UCW career as well. I was hoping -- even expecting -- that Axel would respond with a remark like, "No, Quinn, he's just a kid." Instead, Axel acquiesces, turning Quinn loose on Vincent. It's a sop to the sadists in the audience, and it will sell some videos, but Axel willingly permits the tactics that he has always claimed to oppose. Quinn dives out of his corner and lands on Vincent, pummeling the rookie with closed fists.
Toward the end of the video, Axel will rather lamely attempt to characterize a smile from Vincent as evidence of a betrayal. In fact, the real betrayal occurs at the 26:45 mark, when Ethan betrays his own principles. As Quinn's attack continues, close-up camera work captures Vincent's facial expressions.
Seemingly on purpose (and perhaps due to guilt), Ethan creates a break in the action. "Quinn, are you the legal man or am I?" Ethan calls out, suddenly objecting to the presence of all four wrestlers on the mat. (Seconds earlier, Ethan had been looking over his shoulder at the action between Quinn and Vincent.)
"It doesn't even matter anymore," Quinn blurts out.
However, Ethan is adamant. "Wait. He's the legal man, isn't he?" Axel asks, pointing to Vincent. "Or is Eli? Who am I supposed to pin? Him or him?"
A befuddled Quinn releases Vincent and the kid grins. Vincent looks to the cameraman, seeming certain that there will be a cut in the filming.
However, the cameras continue to roll and, thankfully, this fascinating portion of the match remains in the video. Both Vincent and Ethan are completely out of character, but they attempt to go through a few motions pertaining to pro wrestling.
After several seconds of giggling by Vincent and Ethan, Quinn barks out, "Eli is legal!" and Vincent retreats to his corner. A few minutes later, the match's climactic moment occurs. I won't tell you which team wins (Bodyslam hates when I do that), but I will say that the match reaches its conclusion right after an edit, so there's no telling what actually led up to this action. No one seems to completely understand exactly what happened, or why.
One thing can be said with certainty. Vincent Stone is the hottest piece of eye candy featured in a UCW production in quite some time. However, even without Vincent, this would be a memorable video. The use of improvisation in match #381 allows us to glimpse the actual personalities of the wrestlers.
In the final scene of this video, we see Eli Black pantomiming the wiping away of tears. Is Eli being sarcastic or is he expressing genuine regret? Match #381 is open to interpretation on many levels, and the UCW personae are presented in a nuanced manner. I give this match a rating of XOXOXOXOX -- four and a half hugs and kisses out of a possible five (about as close to perfection -- match #336 -- as you can get).
A message on the UCW Wrestling website reads, "We at UCW-Wrestling are proud to bring you the best young wrestlers (that's us!) in hot, high-energy wrestling action. We are trained performers and skilled athletes who enjoy putting on a show that pleases you, our home viewing audience."
Well, you guys succeeded quite well with match #381. It's currently available for download at the UCW Wrestling website on this page. Something for everyone. Enjoy.
