UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Shane Saunders: Two Faces Have I

 

     That musical introduction to my review of Underground Championship Wrestling's (aka UCW Wrestling's) match #396 works on two levels: as a play on the word "face" and as an allusion to Ethan Axel Andrews' apparent multiple personality disorder (you'll remember, I once drew an analogy between Axel's underground wrestling career and "The Three Faces of Eve").

     The top photo shows Shane Saunders smiling beatifically as he shakes Axel's hand, even after the UCW co-owner had been unaware of the proper pronunciation for Shane's surname (it's "Saunders" with an "au" diphthong; "Sanders" is the last name of the guy who should be our next president). Note to Axel: When an angelic sweetheart like Shane Saunders wanders into your federation, willing to do battle with your rogues gallery of tatted-up thugs, at least take the time to learn the kid's name. 

     Another thing, Axel -- don't refer to the young man's dismal won-lost record in your prematch comments. Johnny Deep (MBPJD) was UCW's most popular wrestler (who fattened your wallet considerably and consistently) without ever winning a single match. You threw Johnny to the wolves (Quinn Harper and Eli Black) and he's not around anymore on indefinite hiatus now. Sooner or later, UCW is going to run out of "saviors." For the time being, thank your lucky stars that Shane is still around (that horribly bruised arm which Shane sustained in his defacto debut against Quinn Harper -- your depraved "wrecker of prettyboys" -- still stands out in my mind).

     Oh, I just can't get enough of Shane's smile, or this handshake. Blogger Joe thinks this sort of thing went out fifty years ago, that poor wretch.

     I've mentioned on several occasions that Axel is the UCW wrestler who is most proficient at inflicting pain while wrestling within the rules. Case in point...

Remember that from junior high days?

Shane's arm is still twisted and locked behind his back during this bearhug.

     The Passion of Shane Saunders continues as he begins to gaze heavenward, reminding us of The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian...

     Axel mumbles something inaudible, presumably to justify his use of a clenched fist (repeatedly, including ab punishment) -- but does anyone in UCW even take notice of such behavior anymore? There were no graphic shots of Shane's facial expressions during that bit of torture, but here's what occurred a few minutes later. I think this maneuver (which appears to be breaking Shane's face in half) is called a "triangle." It's all the rage among UCW wrestlers these days...

Doesn't Axel look coy and demure?

     Miraculously, Shane manages to power his way out of this predicament, but Axel doesn't make it easy for him. Clearly, Axel isn't happy with the idea of a reversal and he tightens his leglock as Shane is attempting to extricate his head, giving the kid a case of cauliflower ears. When Shane finally gains the upper hand, he taunts (in an undeniably charming, barely post-adolescent tone), "Yeah! We're not talking so much now, are we? How's that feel?"

Amazingly, Axel resists the urge to engage in foot worship.

     I should now mention that, during the portions of this match when Shane dominates, he never, ever executes maneuvers of questionable legality. Unlike Danny Sticks (who became nearly homicidal when Axel began to toy with him in a cruel manner), Shane remains a "class act." (Shane does, however, use salty language from time to time, and that's hot.)
     Like a doctor mocking the Hippocratic Oath, Axel uses his knowledge as a personal trainer to inflict injuries on Shane, all the while utilizing a sadistic running commentary that would make the monstrous Eli Black proud.

"Ah, it's not really good on the Achilles there..."

     Shane might have been brought to tears by this maneuver. After holding his head, pounding his fists onto the mat, and kicking his feet, Shane lets out an anguished scream and shields his eyes from the camera.

      Oh...and in a sport which features countless images of hunks lying supine on the mat, here's a shot of Shane in a prone position:

Purely gratuitous, and you're welcome.

     Okay, now let me get back to the main point of this article. At the 25:30 mark of this colossal back-and-forth struggle, during which both wrestlers (especially Shane) have endured immense abuse, Axel is punishing Shane with an armbar and a knee in the face. At this inopportune moment, Axel has the audacity to inquire of Shane, "We're still friends after this, right?" Believe it or not, Shane innocently gasps, "Yeah, sure," in response.

     Then, inexplicably, Axel posted this video blog as soon as the match was over, posing a question to viewers at the end...

    ...to which we can only answer, "Are you some sort of madman?" Shane gave absolutely no cause for you (or anyone else) to doubt his integrity -- not during this match, at least. Even if something occurred behind the scenes, what business owner expresses distrust of an employee in front of his customers?
     I found myself thinking, "If Shane wrestled for me, I'd treat him with the respect he deserves." It was a familiar sentiment. Throughout the history of this blog, I told myself (and my readers), "If I owned UCW, Eli Black would never be my standard bearer." Then, when that nightmare was over, "If I owned UCW, Quinn Harper would never represent my federation."
     Well, I don't own UCW and complaining about their corporate decisions just makes me appear negative. I have immense respect for both Bodyslam and Ethan, but it's clear that we'll never be on the same page. As if to underscore that fact, here's a Facebook exchange that occurred just today concerning the future course of the federation (click on the screen cap to enlarge):

     Um, guys...if you begin doing "an 18 and over check-in," then you're running an adult entertainment site -- and it wouldn't be necessary were it not for Quinn Harper tactics that run respectable young athletes out of the fed (and prevent others from getting involved in the first place). Yet there it is -- another reiteration of UCW's "no rules" approach. If I said any more on the matter I would, in the words of Michael Bodyslam, be "beating a dead horse."
     Those of you who disagree with me on this issue are probably saying, "Hey Freddie, if you don't like it, then start your own federation." Well...okay...

     That's my official logo, and it's all bought and paid for and copyrighted and all that legalistic stuff. The "LRW" stands for "Living Room Wrestling"...because all of the matches will take place in my living room, of course (on a stereotype-shattering pink mat, to match the room's decor).

     Oh, and here's a close-up of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship belt that I had fabricated. (Yes, the concept was inspired by the UCW Wrestling All-Star Championship belt -- which, according to Michael Bodyslam, was in turn inspired by the old WWF All-Star Wrestling telecasts.)

     Does this mean I'm parting company with UCW? Oh, hell no -- unless Bodyslam and Ethan disown me. As long as UCW features guys like Shane Saunders and Vincent Stone, I'll keep writing about them and promoting them. I'll even be making frequent mention of UCW in my videos and website, because UCW is never out of Old Freddie's mind or heart for very long.
     Did I say website? Oh yeah, I've got the domain and everything -- lrwwrestling.com -- plus an email account -- lrw-wrestling@comcast.net -- in case any prettyboy hunks in the Connecticut area want to get in on this (it pays more than being an extra in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster -- Old Freddie knows a little about that, too).
     Alright, enough about me. As I said, this is UCW match #396, and it's currently available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Get it while it's hawt! and faboosh! (as my good friend Perez would say).
     It should also be noted that UCW has released two more videos since this one. Video #397 is an apparent homage to Johnny Deep (don't forget what he requested for a birthday gift last year) with Axel and Aron wrestling in lacrosse gear. Video #398 features Shane wrestling the more-than-somewhat-sketchy Diego Valentino in oil (in Axel's match review video blog, Shane is clearly creeped out before the match even begins -- punishment for upsetting the boss?).
     Well, that's it for now. Keep checking both blogs for news on the two most exciting federations in the underground wrestling scene -- UCW and my new, glamorous LRW -- sports-entertainment for every taste -- something for everyone.(Oh, and Shane -- if things get too rough for you down in Philadelphia, just keep in mind that Connecticut isn't that far away.)