UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Victor: A "Jobber" With Bohemian Flair

      "Jobber" is in quotes in the title of this blog entry because Victor doesn't quite fit that role in video #412, the latest offering from Underground Championship Wrestling (aka UCW Wrestling).
      Why call Victor, a rookie making his debut in a title match against UCW All-Star Champion (and the half-owner of the federation), a "jobber" anyway (as Axel did -- repeatedly -- during the "Inside Scoop" that introduced Victor to UCW's fans)? Well, chances are that it's a marketing ploy. Pro wrestling jobbers have mass appeal in the gay community (heck, there's a Facebook group called "Squash Job Stories" that is "liked" by 3,539 people -- including Mr. Ethan Axel Andrews).

     Still, "jobber" is a misnomer when describing a kid like Victor, who never submits to the most painful abuse that Axel can dish out (and even has the All-Star Champ in several compromising positions during the course of the encounter).

     As a matter of fact, the entire manner in which UCW is handling Victor has me perturbed. Why not give the kid's UCW persona a last name? It's especially awkward to discuss a match pitting a wrestler with one nondescript name against a champion with three names ("Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Victor" -- now does that sound right to you?). It reminds me of the way UCW handled Jax Briggs, who would have always been known simply as "Jax" if he hadn't created a promotional Facebook page which included his last name -- and who never received a proper degree of respect during his entire tenure in the federation.

     Furthermore, there hasn't been a more awkward introductory interview in UCW history since Jax came on the scene. Watching that ill-conceived "Inside Scoop" really gives the fans no idea who Victor is, or the degree of charm that he possesses -- you have to download the match to discover Victor's sense of humor and confidence bordering on swagger. (Seeing Axel interact with this championship match's fawning, epicene referee, Victor quips, "You two need to get a room, but I just need to get this belt.")

Referee Malik, clearly attracted to Axel, seems to enjoy Victor's suffering

     Perhaps the reason that Victor seems so tensed up during his prematch interview has something to do with the character he is trying to portray. Victor is a professional gambler from Reno? Um, okay. Introducing Victor as, say, a barista from a Philadelphia-area Starbucks would have actually enhanced the young man's appeal, making his ring persona more believable, down-to-earth, and accessible.

     Taking Victor away from the horrid interview with Axel,we glimpse the real Victor, no longer clenching his teeth and seemingly overcome with anxiety. In match #412, Victor comes off as a totally hot, quick-thinking, sharp-tongued young man with Bohemian flair aplenty -- a genuine hipster with long, luscious locks that Axel can only envy -- a modern-day clone of Courtney "Double-T" from The Dandy Warhols, who was once indisputably the hippest man on earth. (Hence the video introduction to this blog entry -- and if you haven't clicked on it, please do.)
     Knowing what sells videos, Axel remarks at the 21:27 point that the straps on Victor's singlet are "getting in the way" -- allowing us to see the young man bare chested. Yes, Victor's body is smoking hot, despite Axel's condescending remarks about the former high school grappler's lack of abdominal development (and naturally, an interval of ab punishment follows).

     Yeah, this is a great video and Victor's arrival at UCW is a breath of fresh air. The match doesn't contain any of the lewd elements that Axel mentions during his Inside Scoop, and that's certainly for the best. Instead, we have the spectacle of a brash, young rookie with enormous heart dealing heroically with narcissistic Axel at his low key, methodically sadistic best (or worst, depending on your perspective). Match #412 is far more tantalizing than any drivel that the WWE spews out, so download it -- don't let UCW's latest "Inside Scoop" deter you. (Seriously, you UCW guys -- remember those highly entertaining, outside-the-box video blogs you used to create? We know that Axel is proud of his new Apple computer and video editing software but the currently bland format of your Inside Scoops has become too tedious to bear.)

Axel: "Oh, you're trying to lift me up? How cute! How cute!"

      Buy UCW video #412 right over here and tell them that Old Freddie sent you. Give that long-haired hotboy Victor my love...and tell Axel not to get that faux hawk.
    

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Eli Black (with Vincent Stone): The Way We Were

     I had begun to forget why I despise Eli Black. In the recent videos leading up to this one (UCW Video #400 -- available for download here), we've been treated to an out-of-character, kinder, gentler Eli. Yes, Eli's interaction with his protegee, Vincent Stone, has been touching -- and it served to humanize Eli's brutal, ruthless wrestling persona. In those videos, Eli seemed willing to sacrifice a large part of his intimidating mat presence in order to keep Vincent out of harm's way.

     Match #400 features Eli Black the way he was, before Vincent arrived on the scene. This is the Eli Black who bullied My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep to the point where he quit the federation (although MBPJD seems destined to be enshrined on the UCW Locker Room page's "Active Roster" for all eternity, harsh reality notwithstanding). This is the Eli Black who was too much of an egomaniac to ever allow Jax Briggs to "get over" in a match (even when Jax won the UCW All-Star Championship). I could go on, but it suffices to say that my two favorite UCW wrestlers aren't around anymore, in large part due to Eli -- and I don't know how long a classy prep like Shane Saunders would stay with the fed if he had to deal with Eli on a regular basis.

     At one point during this match, Ethan tells Vincent, "I like you, Vinny. I really do. Don't get me wrong. But you've got to stop hanging around with Eli. You see, you're just going to get hurt." Indeed, Eli deliberately places Vincent in harm's way, time and time again, during match #400. Obviously, a shot at Quinn Harper's championship (and a chance to defeat Axel -- the most prolific competitor in underground wrestling -- who has beaten Eli in every previous encounter) trumps any loyalty that Eli feels toward his childhood friend.

     At the end of the day, Eli Black is, was, and always will be a boorish lout. This is clear from the very first words that escape Eli's lips at the start of video #400: "Oh hey, Miss Axel, how are you doing today?" Then, a few seconds later, Eli is doing his stretching exercises and Ethan is about to comment on Eli's longer hairstyle. However, Eli interrupts, "My a--? You're staring at my a--? Is that what you were about to comment on?"
     This type of talk was always offensive when it appeared on a UCW video; now that Ethan has come out as gay (a scant three months ago), Eli's hypermasculine attitude seems blatantly homophobic. Ethan, however, is too innately gentle (and perhaps a tad naive) to register appropriate outrage. As for Vincent, he just stares at the cameraman with a stunned reaction (probably thinking, "Hey, this is a gay wrestling video, right?").

     Concerning the actual match, this offering often seems like "custom match" material (i.e., it comes dangerously close to adult entertainment -- sort of like your typical Quinn Harper vid). There is quite a bit of vulgarity during verbal exchanges, and most of the action centers around low blows (and generalized punishment to that portion of the two combatants' anatomies). Eli's sadistic streak is in full swing, and the only reason why this video isn't as horrific as video #336 (the ultimate portrayal of pro wrestling victimization) stems from the fact that this time Eli is on the mat with a savvy, seasoned (albeit babyfaced) veteran -- not a heartbreakingly vulnerable prettyboy.

     At one point in the match, Ethan shouts out a threat to Eli in the midst of excruciating pain, prompting Eli to lamely accuse Ethan of being a bully (a criticism that had validity when Ethan consented to join forces with the odious Quinn Harper in match #381 -- a strange match in which Ethan and Eli seemed to switch face/heel roles). In this case, Eli is audaciously blaming the victim for his reaction to being victimized; it's similar to Eli scolding Shane Saunders for using profanity while getting beaten up during match #384 ("Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"). (Note: Shane, being the sweetheart that he is, actually tried to curb his swearing after Eli made that remark.)

     Vinny seems hesitant to become physically involved in this match, for good reason (Vincent vs. Axel is a no-win proposition). At first, Vincent identified himself as Eli's corner man, but Ethan seemed to invite Vincent's participation. Furthermore, Vincent can often be seen taking cues from someone off-camera right before he intervenes -- probably Bodyslam, who (according to his Facebook posts) enjoys seeing cute, young guys getting squashed in wrestling matches.

     Oh, and the UCW wardrobe department chalked up an epic fail as far as Vinny is concerned. You don't put jeans and socks on eye candy, ever.
     By the way, this video marks yet another milestone in technological advances for UCW. The federation just recently started marketing high definition vids, albeit slightly out-of-proportion (the wrestlers appeared elongated, not in a good way) and in bulky, difficult-to-download .wmv format. This video is available in HD, perfectly proportioned, easy-to-download, compact MPEG-4 format. (Now, for some reason, I could only play it on Windows Media Player; Real Player and QuickTime Player didn't work. Maybe my versions of those media players need to be updated with a codec or something. At any rate, play it on your Windows Media Player and you'll have a marvelous experience.)

     During a Facebook exchange, one of the purchasers of this video professed surprise over the match's ending. I inquired as to whether this "surprise" involved Vincent's involvement, and Bodyslam assured me that it did. Without posting any spoilers, I'll simply say that the action in match #400 unfolds in a manner that can be expected, if you are familiar with the personalities of the participants. This video marks a return to Eli Black's villainous ring persona -- he even punishes Vincent with a low blow when the kid makes a rookie mistake.

     It's Eli Black and Hunter Day all over again. For better or worse, the complex, nuanced Eli Black -- the guy who was wiping away tears after match #381 -- has left the building.
     Match #400 -- pitting two of UCW's most skilled performers against each other, and featuring a misguided rookie as the contest's "wildcard" -- is currently available at the UCW Wrestling website's "New Matches" page. Enjoy.

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Shane Saunders: Two Faces Have I

 

     That musical introduction to my review of Underground Championship Wrestling's (aka UCW Wrestling's) match #396 works on two levels: as a play on the word "face" and as an allusion to Ethan Axel Andrews' apparent multiple personality disorder (you'll remember, I once drew an analogy between Axel's underground wrestling career and "The Three Faces of Eve").

     The top photo shows Shane Saunders smiling beatifically as he shakes Axel's hand, even after the UCW co-owner had been unaware of the proper pronunciation for Shane's surname (it's "Saunders" with an "au" diphthong; "Sanders" is the last name of the guy who should be our next president). Note to Axel: When an angelic sweetheart like Shane Saunders wanders into your federation, willing to do battle with your rogues gallery of tatted-up thugs, at least take the time to learn the kid's name. 

     Another thing, Axel -- don't refer to the young man's dismal won-lost record in your prematch comments. Johnny Deep (MBPJD) was UCW's most popular wrestler (who fattened your wallet considerably and consistently) without ever winning a single match. You threw Johnny to the wolves (Quinn Harper and Eli Black) and he's not around anymore on indefinite hiatus now. Sooner or later, UCW is going to run out of "saviors." For the time being, thank your lucky stars that Shane is still around (that horribly bruised arm which Shane sustained in his defacto debut against Quinn Harper -- your depraved "wrecker of prettyboys" -- still stands out in my mind).

     Oh, I just can't get enough of Shane's smile, or this handshake. Blogger Joe thinks this sort of thing went out fifty years ago, that poor wretch.

     I've mentioned on several occasions that Axel is the UCW wrestler who is most proficient at inflicting pain while wrestling within the rules. Case in point...

Remember that from junior high days?

Shane's arm is still twisted and locked behind his back during this bearhug.

     The Passion of Shane Saunders continues as he begins to gaze heavenward, reminding us of The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian...

     Axel mumbles something inaudible, presumably to justify his use of a clenched fist (repeatedly, including ab punishment) -- but does anyone in UCW even take notice of such behavior anymore? There were no graphic shots of Shane's facial expressions during that bit of torture, but here's what occurred a few minutes later. I think this maneuver (which appears to be breaking Shane's face in half) is called a "triangle." It's all the rage among UCW wrestlers these days...

Doesn't Axel look coy and demure?

     Miraculously, Shane manages to power his way out of this predicament, but Axel doesn't make it easy for him. Clearly, Axel isn't happy with the idea of a reversal and he tightens his leglock as Shane is attempting to extricate his head, giving the kid a case of cauliflower ears. When Shane finally gains the upper hand, he taunts (in an undeniably charming, barely post-adolescent tone), "Yeah! We're not talking so much now, are we? How's that feel?"

Amazingly, Axel resists the urge to engage in foot worship.

     I should now mention that, during the portions of this match when Shane dominates, he never, ever executes maneuvers of questionable legality. Unlike Danny Sticks (who became nearly homicidal when Axel began to toy with him in a cruel manner), Shane remains a "class act." (Shane does, however, use salty language from time to time, and that's hot.)
     Like a doctor mocking the Hippocratic Oath, Axel uses his knowledge as a personal trainer to inflict injuries on Shane, all the while utilizing a sadistic running commentary that would make the monstrous Eli Black proud.

"Ah, it's not really good on the Achilles there..."

     Shane might have been brought to tears by this maneuver. After holding his head, pounding his fists onto the mat, and kicking his feet, Shane lets out an anguished scream and shields his eyes from the camera.

      Oh...and in a sport which features countless images of hunks lying supine on the mat, here's a shot of Shane in a prone position:

Purely gratuitous, and you're welcome.

     Okay, now let me get back to the main point of this article. At the 25:30 mark of this colossal back-and-forth struggle, during which both wrestlers (especially Shane) have endured immense abuse, Axel is punishing Shane with an armbar and a knee in the face. At this inopportune moment, Axel has the audacity to inquire of Shane, "We're still friends after this, right?" Believe it or not, Shane innocently gasps, "Yeah, sure," in response.

     Then, inexplicably, Axel posted this video blog as soon as the match was over, posing a question to viewers at the end...

    ...to which we can only answer, "Are you some sort of madman?" Shane gave absolutely no cause for you (or anyone else) to doubt his integrity -- not during this match, at least. Even if something occurred behind the scenes, what business owner expresses distrust of an employee in front of his customers?
     I found myself thinking, "If Shane wrestled for me, I'd treat him with the respect he deserves." It was a familiar sentiment. Throughout the history of this blog, I told myself (and my readers), "If I owned UCW, Eli Black would never be my standard bearer." Then, when that nightmare was over, "If I owned UCW, Quinn Harper would never represent my federation."
     Well, I don't own UCW and complaining about their corporate decisions just makes me appear negative. I have immense respect for both Bodyslam and Ethan, but it's clear that we'll never be on the same page. As if to underscore that fact, here's a Facebook exchange that occurred just today concerning the future course of the federation (click on the screen cap to enlarge):

     Um, guys...if you begin doing "an 18 and over check-in," then you're running an adult entertainment site -- and it wouldn't be necessary were it not for Quinn Harper tactics that run respectable young athletes out of the fed (and prevent others from getting involved in the first place). Yet there it is -- another reiteration of UCW's "no rules" approach. If I said any more on the matter I would, in the words of Michael Bodyslam, be "beating a dead horse."
     Those of you who disagree with me on this issue are probably saying, "Hey Freddie, if you don't like it, then start your own federation." Well...okay...

     That's my official logo, and it's all bought and paid for and copyrighted and all that legalistic stuff. The "LRW" stands for "Living Room Wrestling"...because all of the matches will take place in my living room, of course (on a stereotype-shattering pink mat, to match the room's decor).

     Oh, and here's a close-up of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship belt that I had fabricated. (Yes, the concept was inspired by the UCW Wrestling All-Star Championship belt -- which, according to Michael Bodyslam, was in turn inspired by the old WWF All-Star Wrestling telecasts.)

     Does this mean I'm parting company with UCW? Oh, hell no -- unless Bodyslam and Ethan disown me. As long as UCW features guys like Shane Saunders and Vincent Stone, I'll keep writing about them and promoting them. I'll even be making frequent mention of UCW in my videos and website, because UCW is never out of Old Freddie's mind or heart for very long.
     Did I say website? Oh yeah, I've got the domain and everything -- lrwwrestling.com -- plus an email account -- lrw-wrestling@comcast.net -- in case any prettyboy hunks in the Connecticut area want to get in on this (it pays more than being an extra in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster -- Old Freddie knows a little about that, too).
     Alright, enough about me. As I said, this is UCW match #396, and it's currently available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Get it while it's hawt! and faboosh! (as my good friend Perez would say).
     It should also be noted that UCW has released two more videos since this one. Video #397 is an apparent homage to Johnny Deep (don't forget what he requested for a birthday gift last year) with Axel and Aron wrestling in lacrosse gear. Video #398 features Shane wrestling the more-than-somewhat-sketchy Diego Valentino in oil (in Axel's match review video blog, Shane is clearly creeped out before the match even begins -- punishment for upsetting the boss?).
     Well, that's it for now. Keep checking both blogs for news on the two most exciting federations in the underground wrestling scene -- UCW and my new, glamorous LRW -- sports-entertainment for every taste -- something for everyone.(Oh, and Shane -- if things get too rough for you down in Philadelphia, just keep in mind that Connecticut isn't that far away.)

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews & Michael Hannigan vs. Eli Black & Diego Valentino: The Gay-Straight Connection

An early Happy 29th Birthday to you, Ethan...

     Well, Ethan Axel Andrews just came out in a blog post published yesterday (publicly, that is -- Ethan came out to family several months ago). Now on his second boyfriend, Ethan had teased us with talk about being "taken" and having "a friend" but, naive me -- I really thought he was in a relationship with a woman. Oh, and speaking of teasing us...Blogger Joe gave us a hint way back in 2012 with another one of his (in)famous double entendres. Yes, this is the same Ethan who, only a year ago, was posting his profile on fight sites with the caveat, "Not looking for a boyfriend. Sorry, guys." Well, Old Freddie (unlike Blogger Joe) is never privy to UCW inside info...but he does have a theory or two. Ethan told me that his "type" were guys who were "built up." Now, IF boyfriend #1 was a wrestler...and he worked for UCW...and he was the muscular type...and he and Ethan enjoyed activities outside of UCW (e.g., Pennsylvania Warrior Dash 2014)...and then he just disappeared...I might be able to take a wild guess as to his identity.
     Well, Ethan wants to safeguard his privacy; he'll let us in part way, then giggle and shut the door (a trait he seems to share with his tag team partner Michael Hannigan). At any rate, Michael Hannigan (if you've been wondering, and you just might have been) is straight. Michael posted on Facebook recently about "a new member to the Hannigan family coming soon" to which UCW founder Bodyslam responded, "You?? Daddy Hannigan??"

     The current (for a few more hours at least) new release at UCW Wrestling is match #394 which pits Ethan and Michael (who I've cavalierly dubbed "The Gay-Straight Connection") against the repugnant Eli Black and confused, misguided (he acquiesced to be Eli's tag partner) Diego Valentino (who gets about as much respect in UCW as the dearly departed Hunter Day -- Ethan dismisses him as "that -- whatever that is," relegating Diego to inanimate object status). Oh yes, the referee is my friend and pen pal, Vincent Stone.
     You'll notice that I've resumed describing Eli in starkly negative terms, because he deserves it. Eli treats everyone, including his tag partners, like dirt. The ONLY exception to this rule is Vincent Stone. It's monumentally touching to see Eli turn human when he's interacting with his childhood friend, but being decent to one human being on the entire planet doesn't mean that you no longer qualify as horrid.

     Vincent is totally loyal to Eli, and that may be why Eli has befriended him. In recent correspondence, I told Vincent that I was lobbying for his return to UCW (after Vincent was branded by the fed as "in need of more training"). Vincent replied, "Hi. I guess it helped, man. I did just do a match with my buddy Eli in my corner. I also had my first MMA fight and lost but Eli said I did well and I will do better next time." (That return match is #395, which may already be the featured video at the UCW website by the time this blog entry gets published.)
     Eli called Vince "the perfect combination of a 'face' and a 'heel'" during a recent "Inside Scoop" video blog, and there is something refreshing about the young man's presence in UCW (Axel mentions Vincent's "popularity" in the current "Inside Scoop"). Without giving away the outcome of match #394, I'll simply say that the manner in which Vincent announces the winner is charming due to his good-natured, guileless personality.
     Originally, this blog entry was going to take an entirely different tack (no, that's not a typo). You see, Blogger Joe has already written a review of this match, and I read it before downloading the video (another huge, high def, 2GB file BTW). As a matter of fact, I actually "liked" the Facebook announcement of this review, due mainly to Joe's opening sentence, "At UCW I can barely tell the heroes from the villains."
     This has long been a major gripe of my own. As a matter of fact, UCW's last release featured the usually virtuous Michael Hannigan behaving like a total "heel" as he wrestled the gorgeous young hero, Shane Saunders. Furthermore, Ethan Axel Andrews (UCW's ultimate "face" and anti-bullying crusader) sank down into the depths of depravity during his last tag team encounter vs. Eli (match #381, which Joe correctly references in his current review as that "excellent match from November"). In #381, Ethan joined forces with the odious UCW All-Star Champion, Quinn Harper, and brutalized Eli in one of the ugliest segments ever depicted by this federation. (Serious note to the world in general: brutality doesn't rehabilitate anyone.)

From match #381 -- Ethan abandons his anti-bullying principles

     Therefore, my original theme for this review was going to be a discussion of UCW "faces" degenerating into "heels" due to the federation's "no rules" philosophy. Judging from Blogger Joe's review, I anticipated finding quite a bit of villainous behavior on the part of Ethan and Michael.
     Then I actually viewed match #394 and -- surprise!!! -- the video bore absolutely no resemblance to Blogger Joe's senile ramblings. In match #394, Ethan and Michael behave like choir boys (as all "faces" should) while Eli and Diego are total miscreants. I was left without a topic until Ethan "came out" and saved the day.

      It's interesting to note Eli's varied reactions toward Ethan and toward Michael. When Ethan goes on the attack, Eli seems to take it in stride. However, Michael's offensive showings are treated by Eli as an affront to his dignity, and he immediately retaliates. Michael is an aggressive, heterosexual male, without Eli's meanness and anger. The interaction between Eli and Michael is similar to what you'd expect from any pair of highly competitive, straight males (and it mirrors, in large degree, the mat interaction between Eli and Johnny or Eli and Jax). As a result, Michael suffers a great deal of pain in this match, and those scenes make a lasting impression on the viewer.

Ethan can't even watch.

       Speaking of Michael, those scenes displaying his vulnerability to Eli's ruthless temperament enable us to once again view Michael in a sympathetic light -- and appreciate his smoking hot bod. From the waist down (strong legs, juicy butt, and alabaster, perfectly formed feet -- Old Freddie wouldn't know about any other portion of his anatomy down there, unfortunately), Michael is as sexy as UCW wrestler around (and that's saying plenty).

     Joe does make a valid point when he states, "At UCW...the tag team matches are often the company's best bets for entertainment." Like match #381, this match is basically a lighthearted romp (frequent smiles all around) with the macho cruelty of Eli -- and the sweet, soulful suffering of Michael -- spicing up the brew. There is a surprise ending, sort of (if one is familiar with UCW history, it may not come as a total shock) and the close bond between Eli and Vince is always fascinating. The now "out and proud" Ethan Axel Andrews competing with his heterosexual peers provides yet another intriguing dimension to the production. Of course, the video quality is state-of-the-art, thanks to UCW's new technology. All in all, video #394 receives an XOXOXOXO -- four hugs-and-kisses out of a perfect five (as represented by match #336, the hottest wrestling match ever produced by anyone). This hectic tag-team encounter is available for download right here -- if you're reading this soon after I've posted it. If not, you'll have to navigate the UCW website, clicking on various "More Videos" buttons (but don't despair -- the search will be worth it).

    

UCW Wrestling's Michael Hannigan vs. Shane Saunders: "Ringside at Skull Island" Sucks

   
     Blogger Joe already reviewed this match. Joe knew that something was happening, but he didn't know what it was.
     Well, you need evil in order to appreciate good, you need "heels" in order to appreciate "faces," and you need Ringside at Skull Island in order to appreciate Old Freddie Young's Blog. Actually, if Joe hadn't pissed me off so much by calling my all-time favorite wrestler, Johnny Deep (MBPJD), a "scumbag," then there would be no Old Freddie Young's Blog at all.
     I posted the above pic to demonstrate a custom which Joe thinks became extinct 50 years ago -- two young men shaking hands before an athletic competition. I don't know who Joe hangs out with or how his "community college disciples" greet each other, and I don't really want to consider the possibilities. My imagination would run wild and lead me down dark avenues I don't want to traverse. Just the fact that Joe described Shane and Michael as "good boys who like hurting other boys, typical boy stuff" gives me the willies.
     On top of pulling the boneheaded move of using the logo on Hannigan's t-shirt* as the title of his review (with no explanation), Joe totally missed the big story behind the release of video #393 -- namely, the fact that UCW Wrestling has monumentally upped their game by producing HQ vids. This 25 minute video is 1.5 GB, a 1440 x 1080 vid with an 8320 kbps bitrate (by contrast, the last UCW video I downloaded, #391, was 40 minutes but only 387 MB, a 768 x 432 vid with a 1987 kbps bitrate). This major improvement in video quality is huge, and I'm flabbergasted that Joe failed to mention it. I'm not overly influenced by a video's (or a photograph's) technical aspects (just give me clear images that celebrate and immortalize examples of male beauty), but many consumers are (some refused to buy old UCW videos because the blue tarp-covered walls weren't "aesthetically pleasing") and this boost in HD quality should significantly boost sales.
     However, I must say that the aspect ratio of this video is slightly skewed (as if a video shot in widescreen [16:9] mode was processed in standard [4:3] mode -- highly possible, since I think Bodyslam and Ethan are using Windows Movie Maker for editing) but that flaw is only obvious in the opening scene, for some reason. At any rate, if you've ever yearned to see Shane Saunders vertically elongated, this vid is for you! (Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself; I promised I'd leave the lewd double-entendres to Ringside.)
     Since Joe gets moist over muscles, it's no surprise that he'd prefer Shane to Michael. However, when Joe describes Shane's "fleshed out" build, he notes Shane's "well-developed legs," seemingly oblivious to the fact that Hannigan's legs are just as muscular. (Shane has it in the "sexy trunk" department, though -- can't deny that.)
     Joe says, "I can't remember seeing Michael this sure of himself ... and talkative," which indicates that the absent-minded professor must have forgotten match #337. It's true that Michael was virtually silent during his recent appearance in match #370, but that was probably due to the intimidating, overbearing, alpha male influence of Joe's buddy, Quinn Harper. (I can just picture Quinn Harper before that match: "Okay, Michael, I hate to say it, but you've got no mic skills whatsoever, so just keep your mouth shut during this match and I'll handle the commentary.")
     Okay, I think I'm finished eviscerating Blogger Joe for now, so let me get on with my impressions of this match.
     Then again, maybe not. Here's Robert Zimmerman again, back when he was young and pretty (your friend Harper would probably want to beat him up), singing your song, Joe. Enjoy.

     There. Got that off my chest. Now where were we...
     Michael Hannigan screwed himself out of the All-Star title when he embraced (wholeheartedly) UCW's "no rules" philosophy as dictated by Bodyslam (and unopposed by Ethan). Therefore, Hannigan was the last decent, virtuous champion to represent the fed, and we've had nothing but monsters ever since (not counting Jax Briggs**, who was simply "given" the title by Eli Black in an ill-conceived scheme designed to put Eli in the record book as UCW's first two-time champion). Hannigan adopting a ruthless, win-at-all-costs attitude runs contrary to who he is, both in UCW and in his personal life (a volunteer firefighter and an all-around likable product of a loving, supportive, tight-knit, blue-collar family).
     In match #393, Hannigan is a "heel," pure and simple. During the intros, Michael (who is known in UCW circles for his sense of humor -- Damien Flawless, himself a stand-up comedian, particularly enjoyed spending time with Hannigan) decides to pose and flex in mockery of Shane "the muscleboy." Shane is so amused by Michael's performance that he momentarily relaxes -- and Hannigan takes that opportunity to cheapshot him.

      Call me old fashioned, but in my day, a pro wrestling "face" would never take advantage of an opponent's injury; such behavior was the exclusive realm of "heels." In match #393, Shane competes with a bandaged right knee and Michael targets it repeatedly (often using a closed fist). As a matter of fact, the moments when Michael is most successful in getting Shane to register on-camera reactions to pain occur when Shane's knee injury is being aggravated.

     Speaking of injuries, Michael is confused about Shane's degree of UCW experience ("Is this your first match? Third? Second?"). Considering UCW's penchant for releasing videos out of order, this may well be Shane's debut. Whatever the case, Shane bears no ugly bruises on his left arm. This leads me to conclude that those black-and-blue marks were inflicted later on by Quinn Harper (in matches #386 and #388, which I haven't yet viewed due to my disgust over Harper's presence).
     Oftentimes it seems as though UCW is clueless as to how to best showcase their stars (that was one of Damien Flawless's primary complaints) and this video features an unforgivable faux pas concerning ring attire. I wouldn't give a damn if UCW had Quinn Harper wrestle in overalls, but putting hot guys like Shane Saunders and Michael Hannigan in shorts that extend to their knees is an outrage. Furthermore, Shane and Michael remain in this unflattering garb until the 14:47 mark, when Shane is stripped down to his Calvins*** (and Michael disrobes from his baggy basketball shorts out of camera range, just to be sociable).

     By the way, The Stripping of Shane Saunders (that should have been the title of this video -- good use of alliteration) occurs when Michael places Shane in bondage -- sort of. Michael is totally inept at the bondage game (he's no Nick Diesel) and Shane manages to unshackle his left wrist in seconds. Shane grins and says, "Shit, you can't even tie a knot, dude! You can't even tie!" This mild chastisement is spoken in such a charming manner, Shane's words would have melted the coldest heart -- but not Michael's, in this pro wrestling "heel" incarnation. Instead of joining Shane in self-deprecating laughter, Hannigan goes on the attack.

     It should also be mentioned that Shane struggled so valiantly to avoid this bondage scene, portions were edited out (and, given what happened to Pvt. Jack Marino in #391, that's totally understandable). It was interesting to see Michael on the other side of a bondage segment; the ab punishment that he endured at the hands of Pedro Espada in match #320 (while trapped in the very same restraints) now seems less unfair. (Note: Certain edits in this video could have been the product of time constraints, including the one I just mentioned. It seems as though UCW wanted a high resolution video of manageable size; most of their prior releases ran longer that 25 minutes.)

     All in all, this is a highly entertaining match. Shane is gorgeous and Michael is technically proficient (able to replicate a lengthy repertoire of WWE-style maneuvers to a "t"). This match gets XOXOXOXO -- four hugs and kisses out of a possible five -- a very high score (especially when you consider the fact that most offerings from other federations would receive a "1" or "2" from Old Freddie). My only gripes are the basketball shorts on the boys during the first half, and the fact that Shane is not lying prone on the mat for even a millisecond (that's when I would usually utilize stop-action playback and enjoy some moments of quiet contemplation).

Shane Saunders, with the most expressive feet in UCW.

     As mentioned (several times), this is video #393 and it's available here in high definition so stark and appealing that you'll think the boys are there in the room with you. Oh, and if you're seeking the antidote to those knee-length shorts, lucky you! If you act now (god, I sound like such a huckster), you can still download match #295 for the bargain price of $5 -- that's perennial hotboy Ethan Axel Andrews versus the sexiest wrestler who ever lived, Johnny Deep (MBPJD) in...jocks!!! Download both #393 and #295 from the same page for under $20 -- and tell them Old Freddie sent you. The best value in gay wrestling today!!!

* I actually found Shane's parrot-decorated t-shirt more interesting, because I suspect that it advertises some L.A. area club and it might provide yet another clue as to Shane's exact birthplace. (I'm still guessing Bel Air, based on Eli's comment in video #384.)
** Also not counting Hunter Day, the misguided young man who didn't hold the title long enough to thank his fans for their support. (Hunter was jumped from behind by Eli Black and strangled until he passed out during his first video blog as champion.)
*** Shane's inspiration for this fashion choice is obvious.