UCW Wrestling's Victor vs. LS Powerhouse: When You're Young at Heart

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If you're young at heart.
For it's hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If you're young at heart.

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes.
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams.
And life gets more exciting with each passing day.
And love is either in your heart, or on it's way.

Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart.
For as rich as you are, it's much better by far
To be young at heart.

And if you should survive to 105,

Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!

And here is the best part, you have a head start

If you are among the very young at heart.

                                                                                                                                                                                  

     UCW Wrestling takes a gamble with their latest video release (match #449) and it pays off big.
     This offering features the mononymous (and perhaps aptly named) Victor testing his youthful vigor against a debuting grappler/bodybuilder named LS Powerhouse, a buff gentleman of a classic vintage predating even Old Freddie. Powerhouse could be Victor's father (if not his grandfather) and the fact that LS is a totally credible "heel" -- a thoroughly intimidating physical specimen -- serves as a huge inspiration to vegetating geriatrics like yours truly.
     Actually, match #449 is a double-barrel inspiration, thanks to the presence of Victor. Victor motivated me to compose another recent blog entry in which I focused on Victor's long haired, bohemian image. Now sporting a shorter hairstyle, Victor is more difficult to categorize (perhaps the only label that fits Victor is "individualist" and that, in itself, is sexy). However, Victor's mop-top is still long enough to provide a stark contrast to LS's shiny, depilated pate so the covetous, crusty codger resorts to some ungentlemanly hair-pulling during this encounter.

      Young Victor's tresses are so frequently a source of his distress throughout match #449, this video will probably elicit orgasmic paroxysms from another salacious senior, my good friend Blogger Joe (who is once again churning out wrestling reviews for Ringside at Skull Island, by the way).

      Inter-generational jealousy is a subtext of this production as the petulant Powerhouse mauls Victor's elegant, angular visage. Victor's effervescent smile stokes the fires of LS's sadism.

     Certain individuals out there in underground wrestling land (who are as cynical about their politics as they are about their wrestling productions) have called me an "ultra-mark" because I discuss the blurred lines between theatrics and reality in sports entertainment. May I cite as evidence the following bit of interaction during match #449...

     If you think that LS isn't actually punishing Victor here, you're clearly delusional (the sort of person who believes that Bernie Sanders isn't a viable presidential candidate, for example)...

     I don't believe I've ever seen anyone's upper gums exposed to that degree...

     In the comfortable, upper middle-class world that some individuals inhabit, it's unfathomable that young men would actually suffer excruciating pain to earn money in underground wrestling videos. I'll say no more about the matter. (My Beautiful, Precious Johnny Deep -- MBPJD -- never received a head injury in his final UCW video, either.)
     Since it's all sanitized theatrics, we must marvel at Victor's remarkable job of "selling" when a certain sensitive portion of his anatomy appeared to be twisted...

     You don't believe that Powerhouse would actually apply real pressure during this bearhug, do you? I'm sure that LS was all charm and delicacy during this encounter...

     A wrestler making his debut in UCW knows that he'll never be invited back if his video doesn't sell. Of course, that knowledge would never factor into his behavior during a shoot. None of these guys would actually rough up their opponents, would they?
     Well, if such behavior ever did occur -- hypothetically speaking, of course -- the wrestler who had been abused would relish an opportunity to retaliate. For example, a wrestler who had taken quite a few stiff hits might actually enjoy blocking blood flow in his bullying opponent's carotid arteries when administering a sleeper hold...

     ...until the bully's face started turning purple and the veins in his forehead started to bulge.

     The feeling of finally being in control might drive a kid wild with ecstasy...

     ...causing the youngster to become so carried away that the bully would have to covertly signal to the cameraman...

     ...and the cameraman would gesture to the kid, imploring him to ease up on the hold.

     Of course, the kid would comply, having already scored a moral victory of sorts.

     I don't want you to get the impression that this video contains a solid 32 minutes and 10 seconds of brutality (although there is enough of it to satisfy even the staunchest prettyboy hater). In addition to the freelance torment that the grapplers inflict on each other, there's also some good-natured tussling.

     Victor frequently displays his flexibility, blithely tolerating contortions that would create major discomfort in a less youthful athlete.

     When UCW wrestlers begin their training, they are told to punch the mat room's cinder block wall. To avoid injuring their knuckles, the neophyte grapplers usually pull their punch, to one degree or another. The rookies are then informed that they should never punch an opponent with more force than they used when striking the wall.
     Therefore, video #449's "gut punishment" segment is actually one of the less intense portions of the presentation. Victor and LS don't seem to be actually trying to injure each other in this exchange; the interaction reminded me of a stern father attempting to discipline a rebellious son. The dynamic is rather endearing.

     Victor may be a classic "face," but LS Powerhouse is only a borderline "heel." At a live event, LS would definitely have his share of fans (in much the same way that the Road Warriors were cheered in arenas while the NWA was grooming them as villains). Powerhouse's opponents can expect a battering, but without being subjected to the humiliating kinkiness of Quinn Harper or the off-the-wall (literally) violence of Eli Black. I don't expect a second mass exodus of my favorite UCW "finesse" grapplers due to LS's arrival on the scene.
     As you may guess, Victor really does it for me -- but Blogger Joe, in typical fashion, seems to be somewhat lukewarm to the slender young heartthrob. You can read Joe's "Ringside at Skull Island" review of match #449 here: "Powerhouse Touches the Merchandise."
     Yes, it was Victor's presence that enticed me to purchase match #449, but LS Powerhouse turned out to be more than just an added bonus. As I and many of my friends deal with impending old age and declining vitality, LS Powerhouse stands out as an ideal -- a rugged alpha male who can not only compete in UCW with absolute credibility, but also dominate whippersnappers less than half his age.

     This video -- match #449 -- is a special treat, and it can be purchased at the UCW wrestling website right over here: Victor vs. LS Powerhouse. Enjoy.

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Victor: A "Jobber" With Bohemian Flair

      "Jobber" is in quotes in the title of this blog entry because Victor doesn't quite fit that role in video #412, the latest offering from Underground Championship Wrestling (aka UCW Wrestling).
      Why call Victor, a rookie making his debut in a title match against UCW All-Star Champion (and the half-owner of the federation), a "jobber" anyway (as Axel did -- repeatedly -- during the "Inside Scoop" that introduced Victor to UCW's fans)? Well, chances are that it's a marketing ploy. Pro wrestling jobbers have mass appeal in the gay community (heck, there's a Facebook group called "Squash Job Stories" that is "liked" by 3,539 people -- including Mr. Ethan Axel Andrews).

     Still, "jobber" is a misnomer when describing a kid like Victor, who never submits to the most painful abuse that Axel can dish out (and even has the All-Star Champ in several compromising positions during the course of the encounter).

     As a matter of fact, the entire manner in which UCW is handling Victor has me perturbed. Why not give the kid's UCW persona a last name? It's especially awkward to discuss a match pitting a wrestler with one nondescript name against a champion with three names ("Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Victor" -- now does that sound right to you?). It reminds me of the way UCW handled Jax Briggs, who would have always been known simply as "Jax" if he hadn't created a promotional Facebook page which included his last name -- and who never received a proper degree of respect during his entire tenure in the federation.

     Furthermore, there hasn't been a more awkward introductory interview in UCW history since Jax came on the scene. Watching that ill-conceived "Inside Scoop" really gives the fans no idea who Victor is, or the degree of charm that he possesses -- you have to download the match to discover Victor's sense of humor and confidence bordering on swagger. (Seeing Axel interact with this championship match's fawning, epicene referee, Victor quips, "You two need to get a room, but I just need to get this belt.")

Referee Malik, clearly attracted to Axel, seems to enjoy Victor's suffering

     Perhaps the reason that Victor seems so tensed up during his prematch interview has something to do with the character he is trying to portray. Victor is a professional gambler from Reno? Um, okay. Introducing Victor as, say, a barista from a Philadelphia-area Starbucks would have actually enhanced the young man's appeal, making his ring persona more believable, down-to-earth, and accessible.

     Taking Victor away from the horrid interview with Axel,we glimpse the real Victor, no longer clenching his teeth and seemingly overcome with anxiety. In match #412, Victor comes off as a totally hot, quick-thinking, sharp-tongued young man with Bohemian flair aplenty -- a genuine hipster with long, luscious locks that Axel can only envy -- a modern-day clone of Courtney "Double-T" from The Dandy Warhols, who was once indisputably the hippest man on earth. (Hence the video introduction to this blog entry -- and if you haven't clicked on it, please do.)
     Knowing what sells videos, Axel remarks at the 21:27 point that the straps on Victor's singlet are "getting in the way" -- allowing us to see the young man bare chested. Yes, Victor's body is smoking hot, despite Axel's condescending remarks about the former high school grappler's lack of abdominal development (and naturally, an interval of ab punishment follows).

     Yeah, this is a great video and Victor's arrival at UCW is a breath of fresh air. The match doesn't contain any of the lewd elements that Axel mentions during his Inside Scoop, and that's certainly for the best. Instead, we have the spectacle of a brash, young rookie with enormous heart dealing heroically with narcissistic Axel at his low key, methodically sadistic best (or worst, depending on your perspective). Match #412 is far more tantalizing than any drivel that the WWE spews out, so download it -- don't let UCW's latest "Inside Scoop" deter you. (Seriously, you UCW guys -- remember those highly entertaining, outside-the-box video blogs you used to create? We know that Axel is proud of his new Apple computer and video editing software but the currently bland format of your Inside Scoops has become too tedious to bear.)

Axel: "Oh, you're trying to lift me up? How cute! How cute!"

      Buy UCW video #412 right over here and tell them that Old Freddie sent you. Give that long-haired hotboy Victor my love...and tell Axel not to get that faux hawk.
    

LRW Review & Locker Room Posted

     A review of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship match between Kyle O'Connor and Fratboy Francis Franklin aka "Triple F" has been posted at http://lrwwrestling.blogspot.com/2015/04/lrw-wrestling-triple-f-vs-kyle-oconnor.html, which includes a link to the brand spanking new LRW Locker Room page. See which wrestler became the first-ever LRW Wrestling Super-Star Champion!!!

LRW Wrestling's Second Member & Video DVD

     Just wanted to give you a "heads up" that the newest member of LRW Wrestling, Fratboy Francis Franklin aka "Triple F" has his intro video posted at http://lrwwrestling.com and you can get the DVD featuring his match against Kyle O'Connor over here: http://www.ebay.com/itm/161644998777.

LRW Wrestling's First Member

  
     Old Freddie has just posted a video introducing the first member of the LRW Wrestling roster. Visit the LRW Wrestling blog and check it out: http://lrwwrestling.com!!!

UCW Wrestling's Ethan Axel Andrews vs. Shane Saunders: Two Faces Have I

 

     That musical introduction to my review of Underground Championship Wrestling's (aka UCW Wrestling's) match #396 works on two levels: as a play on the word "face" and as an allusion to Ethan Axel Andrews' apparent multiple personality disorder (you'll remember, I once drew an analogy between Axel's underground wrestling career and "The Three Faces of Eve").

     The top photo shows Shane Saunders smiling beatifically as he shakes Axel's hand, even after the UCW co-owner had been unaware of the proper pronunciation for Shane's surname (it's "Saunders" with an "au" diphthong; "Sanders" is the last name of the guy who should be our next president). Note to Axel: When an angelic sweetheart like Shane Saunders wanders into your federation, willing to do battle with your rogues gallery of tatted-up thugs, at least take the time to learn the kid's name. 

     Another thing, Axel -- don't refer to the young man's dismal won-lost record in your prematch comments. Johnny Deep (MBPJD) was UCW's most popular wrestler (who fattened your wallet considerably and consistently) without ever winning a single match. You threw Johnny to the wolves (Quinn Harper and Eli Black) and he's not around anymore on indefinite hiatus now. Sooner or later, UCW is going to run out of "saviors." For the time being, thank your lucky stars that Shane is still around (that horribly bruised arm which Shane sustained in his defacto debut against Quinn Harper -- your depraved "wrecker of prettyboys" -- still stands out in my mind).

     Oh, I just can't get enough of Shane's smile, or this handshake. Blogger Joe thinks this sort of thing went out fifty years ago, that poor wretch.

     I've mentioned on several occasions that Axel is the UCW wrestler who is most proficient at inflicting pain while wrestling within the rules. Case in point...

Remember that from junior high days?

Shane's arm is still twisted and locked behind his back during this bearhug.

     The Passion of Shane Saunders continues as he begins to gaze heavenward, reminding us of The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian...

     Axel mumbles something inaudible, presumably to justify his use of a clenched fist (repeatedly, including ab punishment) -- but does anyone in UCW even take notice of such behavior anymore? There were no graphic shots of Shane's facial expressions during that bit of torture, but here's what occurred a few minutes later. I think this maneuver (which appears to be breaking Shane's face in half) is called a "triangle." It's all the rage among UCW wrestlers these days...

Doesn't Axel look coy and demure?

     Miraculously, Shane manages to power his way out of this predicament, but Axel doesn't make it easy for him. Clearly, Axel isn't happy with the idea of a reversal and he tightens his leglock as Shane is attempting to extricate his head, giving the kid a case of cauliflower ears. When Shane finally gains the upper hand, he taunts (in an undeniably charming, barely post-adolescent tone), "Yeah! We're not talking so much now, are we? How's that feel?"

Amazingly, Axel resists the urge to engage in foot worship.

     I should now mention that, during the portions of this match when Shane dominates, he never, ever executes maneuvers of questionable legality. Unlike Danny Sticks (who became nearly homicidal when Axel began to toy with him in a cruel manner), Shane remains a "class act." (Shane does, however, use salty language from time to time, and that's hot.)
     Like a doctor mocking the Hippocratic Oath, Axel uses his knowledge as a personal trainer to inflict injuries on Shane, all the while utilizing a sadistic running commentary that would make the monstrous Eli Black proud.

"Ah, it's not really good on the Achilles there..."

     Shane might have been brought to tears by this maneuver. After holding his head, pounding his fists onto the mat, and kicking his feet, Shane lets out an anguished scream and shields his eyes from the camera.

      Oh...and in a sport which features countless images of hunks lying supine on the mat, here's a shot of Shane in a prone position:

Purely gratuitous, and you're welcome.

     Okay, now let me get back to the main point of this article. At the 25:30 mark of this colossal back-and-forth struggle, during which both wrestlers (especially Shane) have endured immense abuse, Axel is punishing Shane with an armbar and a knee in the face. At this inopportune moment, Axel has the audacity to inquire of Shane, "We're still friends after this, right?" Believe it or not, Shane innocently gasps, "Yeah, sure," in response.

     Then, inexplicably, Axel posted this video blog as soon as the match was over, posing a question to viewers at the end...

    ...to which we can only answer, "Are you some sort of madman?" Shane gave absolutely no cause for you (or anyone else) to doubt his integrity -- not during this match, at least. Even if something occurred behind the scenes, what business owner expresses distrust of an employee in front of his customers?
     I found myself thinking, "If Shane wrestled for me, I'd treat him with the respect he deserves." It was a familiar sentiment. Throughout the history of this blog, I told myself (and my readers), "If I owned UCW, Eli Black would never be my standard bearer." Then, when that nightmare was over, "If I owned UCW, Quinn Harper would never represent my federation."
     Well, I don't own UCW and complaining about their corporate decisions just makes me appear negative. I have immense respect for both Bodyslam and Ethan, but it's clear that we'll never be on the same page. As if to underscore that fact, here's a Facebook exchange that occurred just today concerning the future course of the federation (click on the screen cap to enlarge):

     Um, guys...if you begin doing "an 18 and over check-in," then you're running an adult entertainment site -- and it wouldn't be necessary were it not for Quinn Harper tactics that run respectable young athletes out of the fed (and prevent others from getting involved in the first place). Yet there it is -- another reiteration of UCW's "no rules" approach. If I said any more on the matter I would, in the words of Michael Bodyslam, be "beating a dead horse."
     Those of you who disagree with me on this issue are probably saying, "Hey Freddie, if you don't like it, then start your own federation." Well...okay...

     That's my official logo, and it's all bought and paid for and copyrighted and all that legalistic stuff. The "LRW" stands for "Living Room Wrestling"...because all of the matches will take place in my living room, of course (on a stereotype-shattering pink mat, to match the room's decor).

     Oh, and here's a close-up of the LRW Wrestling Super-Star Championship belt that I had fabricated. (Yes, the concept was inspired by the UCW Wrestling All-Star Championship belt -- which, according to Michael Bodyslam, was in turn inspired by the old WWF All-Star Wrestling telecasts.)

     Does this mean I'm parting company with UCW? Oh, hell no -- unless Bodyslam and Ethan disown me. As long as UCW features guys like Shane Saunders and Vincent Stone, I'll keep writing about them and promoting them. I'll even be making frequent mention of UCW in my videos and website, because UCW is never out of Old Freddie's mind or heart for very long.
     Did I say website? Oh yeah, I've got the domain and everything -- lrwwrestling.com -- plus an email account -- lrw-wrestling@comcast.net -- in case any prettyboy hunks in the Connecticut area want to get in on this (it pays more than being an extra in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster -- Old Freddie knows a little about that, too).
     Alright, enough about me. As I said, this is UCW match #396, and it's currently available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Get it while it's hawt! and faboosh! (as my good friend Perez would say).
     It should also be noted that UCW has released two more videos since this one. Video #397 is an apparent homage to Johnny Deep (don't forget what he requested for a birthday gift last year) with Axel and Aron wrestling in lacrosse gear. Video #398 features Shane wrestling the more-than-somewhat-sketchy Diego Valentino in oil (in Axel's match review video blog, Shane is clearly creeped out before the match even begins -- punishment for upsetting the boss?).
     Well, that's it for now. Keep checking both blogs for news on the two most exciting federations in the underground wrestling scene -- UCW and my new, glamorous LRW -- sports-entertainment for every taste -- something for everyone.(Oh, and Shane -- if things get too rough for you down in Philadelphia, just keep in mind that Connecticut isn't that far away.)

UCW Wrestling's Damien Flawless vs. Pvt. Jack Marino: Game of Chicken

     This horrid little video, which only involves wrestling during the first 20 minutes, is entitled "Game of Chicken." To my knowledge, this is the first time in UCW history that a video has carried a title, and I don't think that the choice of the term, "Chicken" is a coincidence...

Just click on this article to read it, or go straight to the Wikipedia page.

     God help me, this video is hot, but it's a guilty pleasure, to say the least. In the hands of an anti-gay crusader, UCW "wrestling" match #391 could be utilized to demonize gay males in the same shrill, hyperbolic manner that "Reefer Madness" demonized marijuana 80 years ago.

     Pvt. Jack Marino is repeatedly mocked in this video for being a "pretty boy," with the implication that physically attractive young men are vulnerable to and somehow worthy of abuse (similar to the youngest sailors on a ship in the 19th century, I suppose). It is a common theme in all of UCW All-Star Champion Quinn Harper's videos. Quinn is a macho straight male. Former UCW wrestler (this is a "lost" match dredged up from the archives) Damien is a happily married gay male who feels uncomfortable in hedonistic environments (e.g., Ziegfeld's/Secrets in D.C.). In UCW videos, they both behave like nightmarishly negative gay stereotypes created by a Religious Right zealot. Take your pick as to which type of performer is more offensive.
     Speaking of Quinn Harper, four of the last five UCW offerings have featured the odious All-Star Champion (talk about overexposure), and this video provided us with hope for a temporary respite from Harper's sadism and sleaze.
     Even before the opening credits disappear, an innocent looking, t-shirt clad Pvt. Jack is jumped from behind by Damien, the uber-heel in a black singlet. Damien's dramatic entrance is startling and no one can deny that the pro wrestler / model / stand-up comic is a master showman (or a master of self-promotion -- Google "Damien Flawless" and you'll find an entire page of results related to him).

     The first words spoken in this video are Damien's. "You're going to be my b*tch tonight," Damien informs Jack. (Damien seems to have had a long-term obsession with turning men into b*tches.) The lascivious threat sets the tone for the production.
     The wrestling is rough, testimony to the fact that Damien and Jack didn't get along on the set. Damien blogged about this match, and mentioned "a hard stiff kick in the stomach" that he delivered to Jack at one point: "He seemed bothered by the kick and didn't say much to me after our match. I think he also refused to shake my hand after the match. I'm not sure what that was all about but I won't dwell on it."
     I mentioned this to UCW founder Michael Bodyslam during a public discussion on Facebook. Bodyslam maintained that Damien was "making stuff up" and gave me an "lol" when I provided a link to Damien's blog (if there was "heat" between Damien and Jack, it seems to pale in comparison to the post-UCW "heat" between Damien and Bodyslam).

     Having viewed this match, I can tell you that Damien was speaking with absolute candor about the kick. It occurs at the 14:22 mark, and there's an edit five seconds later, at 14:27. After receiving the kick, Jack gasps out Damien's favorite word: "B*tch!" Then, in a pain choked voice, Jack starts, "Oh, he..." and right there we have the edit, cutting Jack off in mid-sentence.

"It's so fun playing with a pretty boy..."

"Come on, pretty boy..."

"Get up!"

     When we resume action, Jack is still holding his ribs with Damien towering above him, hands on hips.

     True to form, Damien immediately drags Jack to the center of the mat and, for his next maneuver, chooses to apply bodyscissors (Jack is still clutching his ribs).

     Damien is a charismatic and sexy "heel." There is something malevolently aristocratic in Damien's bearing. Damien, with his alabaster skin, jet black hair, and long, lithe limbs, comes off as an almost Gothic villain -- like a vilely attractive vampire. During the first half of this video (the wrestling portion), my primary focus was on Damien. Being charmed by a pro wrestling villain may seem out of character for me, but I did have a childhood crush on Baron Mikel Scicluna in the old WWWF. Also, Damien's appearance in video #273 (vs. a particularly repugnant incarnation of the Black Dragon) reminded me, for some reason, of Flashman in Tom Brown's Schooldays (another sexy "heel").

          The wrestling portion of this video ends with a Quinn Harper style, obscenely placed claw hold that ostensibly causes Jack to pass out from pain. (No screen caps of such inappropriate maneuvers will ever be featured in this blog.) From there, Damien resorts to the sort of "rope tricks" popularized in UCW by Nick Diesel (another one of Damien's least favorite grapplers). It's the 20:40 mark of a 39:58 video and (except for one sleeper hold near the presentation's conclusion) we won't see anything resembling wrestling again.

     The remainder of this video consists of nearly twenty minutes of Pvt. Jack trussed up in the mat room at the mercy of Damien, who suggests a game of "gay chicken." Damien will put Jack through a series of ten, two-minute ordeals, some of which are designed to cause pain, others of which are designed to simply humiliate. If Jack is able to get through an ordeal without submitting (yelling, "Chicken!"), Damien will give the soon-to-be-serviceman $1000. On the other hand, if Jack submits during each of the ten trials, then he must service Damien for the night.
     It is Jack who owns this portion of the video. Jack's facial expressions enable you to virtually read his thoughts as he struggles to maintain some semblance of dignity.

      I have to admit that I didn't fully grasp Jack's appeal when I saw him in match #379. After match #391, I get it -- as will every gay man (or straight woman) who views this video. If you have a pulse -- if you are a living, breathing human being who finds males attractive -- then this video will cause you to develop a deep, heartfelt appreciation for Pvt. Jack Marino.
     Now finished  with UCW (and having "burned his bridges," as he himself says), Damien can speak freely and openly about his experiences in the federation. In Damien's discussion of match #273 (during which Jack makes a cameo appearance), he says the following: "This could have easily been the match to make or break me. One thing was clear I wanted to break Pvt Jack. There was just something I didn't like about him from the moment I saw his picture. Having never met the guy and only seeing him in video promos I just didn't like him. I was going to dish out some punishment and really not give a shit. I was going to give it my all and make sure he didn't take me too lightly...Seriously though I just didn't like him or his attitude and wanted to give him an adjustment. To me he is one of those people that has a pretty face and just talks out their ass. He is so smug and just filled with arrogance that you just wanna slap him. That is just my personal opinion."

     As Jack attempts to endure his series of ordeals, you can see the sadness in his eyes increase, along with a corresponding glint of sadistic glee in Damien's. The bullying reminds me of what Johnny Deep (Jack's best friend -- they entered the federation together, bolstering each other's confidence) endured at the hands of Eli Black. This dynamic is disorienting; when I first started hearing about the "heat" between these two wrestlers, I always assumed that Jack, the straight male, had been the aggressor.
     These "lost" matches are actually "custom" matches (matches that had been produced for one specific sponsor, who dictated the action). UCW holds onto them for a period of time, then heavily edits them and releases them for public consumption. As Damien says in his "Final Thoughts" on match #273: "I did eventually get my hands on Pvt Jack thanks to a custom match. However what happens in a custom match STAYS IN A CUSTOM MATCH! I can't share the details with you even if I wanted to."

     Well, what has been left in match #391 is hot and horrific enough. I'm not about to go into detail, but I will say that Jack is stripped down to a jock, and the young man's body is flawless (sorry, Damien). Jack in a jock (sounds like a line of men's undergarments -- Jack in a Jock -- more imaginative than Joe Boxer) is absolute aesthetic perfection. The fact that Jack is essentially being punished for his beauty (along with his sense of pride engendered by that beauty) makes the video even more poignant.
     The match gets four and a half hugs-and-kisses out of five. The only gripes I have are an editing job that leaves you yearning for those deleted scenes and, of course, a portrayal of gay males which sets back the struggle for inclusion in mainstream society by about fifty years.
     Since match #391 is a "lost" match, it is featured on a special page at the UCW website. On that page, there are also instructions on how you can sponsor a UCW custom match of your own. Hopefully, you'll request a match in which a wrestler like Jack is treated with love and kindness, not cruelty -- worshiped as the hot young god he truly is.