UCW Wrestling's Damien Flawless vs. Pvt. Jack Marino: Game of Chicken

     This horrid little video, which only involves wrestling during the first 20 minutes, is entitled "Game of Chicken." To my knowledge, this is the first time in UCW history that a video has carried a title, and I don't think that the choice of the term, "Chicken" is a coincidence...

Just click on this article to read it, or go straight to the Wikipedia page.

     God help me, this video is hot, but it's a guilty pleasure, to say the least. In the hands of an anti-gay crusader, UCW "wrestling" match #391 could be utilized to demonize gay males in the same shrill, hyperbolic manner that "Reefer Madness" demonized marijuana 80 years ago.

     Pvt. Jack Marino is repeatedly mocked in this video for being a "pretty boy," with the implication that physically attractive young men are vulnerable to and somehow worthy of abuse (similar to the youngest sailors on a ship in the 19th century, I suppose). It is a common theme in all of UCW All-Star Champion Quinn Harper's videos. Quinn is a macho straight male. Former UCW wrestler (this is a "lost" match dredged up from the archives) Damien is a happily married gay male who feels uncomfortable in hedonistic environments (e.g., Ziegfeld's/Secrets in D.C.). In UCW videos, they both behave like nightmarishly negative gay stereotypes created by a Religious Right zealot. Take your pick as to which type of performer is more offensive.
     Speaking of Quinn Harper, four of the last five UCW offerings have featured the odious All-Star Champion (talk about overexposure), and this video provided us with hope for a temporary respite from Harper's sadism and sleaze.
     Even before the opening credits disappear, an innocent looking, t-shirt clad Pvt. Jack is jumped from behind by Damien, the uber-heel in a black singlet. Damien's dramatic entrance is startling and no one can deny that the pro wrestler / model / stand-up comic is a master showman (or a master of self-promotion -- Google "Damien Flawless" and you'll find an entire page of results related to him).

     The first words spoken in this video are Damien's. "You're going to be my b*tch tonight," Damien informs Jack. (Damien seems to have had a long-term obsession with turning men into b*tches.) The lascivious threat sets the tone for the production.
     The wrestling is rough, testimony to the fact that Damien and Jack didn't get along on the set. Damien blogged about this match, and mentioned "a hard stiff kick in the stomach" that he delivered to Jack at one point: "He seemed bothered by the kick and didn't say much to me after our match. I think he also refused to shake my hand after the match. I'm not sure what that was all about but I won't dwell on it."
     I mentioned this to UCW founder Michael Bodyslam during a public discussion on Facebook. Bodyslam maintained that Damien was "making stuff up" and gave me an "lol" when I provided a link to Damien's blog (if there was "heat" between Damien and Jack, it seems to pale in comparison to the post-UCW "heat" between Damien and Bodyslam).

     Having viewed this match, I can tell you that Damien was speaking with absolute candor about the kick. It occurs at the 14:22 mark, and there's an edit five seconds later, at 14:27. After receiving the kick, Jack gasps out Damien's favorite word: "B*tch!" Then, in a pain choked voice, Jack starts, "Oh, he..." and right there we have the edit, cutting Jack off in mid-sentence.

"It's so fun playing with a pretty boy..."

"Come on, pretty boy..."

"Get up!"

     When we resume action, Jack is still holding his ribs with Damien towering above him, hands on hips.

     True to form, Damien immediately drags Jack to the center of the mat and, for his next maneuver, chooses to apply bodyscissors (Jack is still clutching his ribs).

     Damien is a charismatic and sexy "heel." There is something malevolently aristocratic in Damien's bearing. Damien, with his alabaster skin, jet black hair, and long, lithe limbs, comes off as an almost Gothic villain -- like a vilely attractive vampire. During the first half of this video (the wrestling portion), my primary focus was on Damien. Being charmed by a pro wrestling villain may seem out of character for me, but I did have a childhood crush on Baron Mikel Scicluna in the old WWWF. Also, Damien's appearance in video #273 (vs. a particularly repugnant incarnation of the Black Dragon) reminded me, for some reason, of Flashman in Tom Brown's Schooldays (another sexy "heel").

          The wrestling portion of this video ends with a Quinn Harper style, obscenely placed claw hold that ostensibly causes Jack to pass out from pain. (No screen caps of such inappropriate maneuvers will ever be featured in this blog.) From there, Damien resorts to the sort of "rope tricks" popularized in UCW by Nick Diesel (another one of Damien's least favorite grapplers). It's the 20:40 mark of a 39:58 video and (except for one sleeper hold near the presentation's conclusion) we won't see anything resembling wrestling again.

     The remainder of this video consists of nearly twenty minutes of Pvt. Jack trussed up in the mat room at the mercy of Damien, who suggests a game of "gay chicken." Damien will put Jack through a series of ten, two-minute ordeals, some of which are designed to cause pain, others of which are designed to simply humiliate. If Jack is able to get through an ordeal without submitting (yelling, "Chicken!"), Damien will give the soon-to-be-serviceman $1000. On the other hand, if Jack submits during each of the ten trials, then he must service Damien for the night.
     It is Jack who owns this portion of the video. Jack's facial expressions enable you to virtually read his thoughts as he struggles to maintain some semblance of dignity.

      I have to admit that I didn't fully grasp Jack's appeal when I saw him in match #379. After match #391, I get it -- as will every gay man (or straight woman) who views this video. If you have a pulse -- if you are a living, breathing human being who finds males attractive -- then this video will cause you to develop a deep, heartfelt appreciation for Pvt. Jack Marino.
     Now finished  with UCW (and having "burned his bridges," as he himself says), Damien can speak freely and openly about his experiences in the federation. In Damien's discussion of match #273 (during which Jack makes a cameo appearance), he says the following: "This could have easily been the match to make or break me. One thing was clear I wanted to break Pvt Jack. There was just something I didn't like about him from the moment I saw his picture. Having never met the guy and only seeing him in video promos I just didn't like him. I was going to dish out some punishment and really not give a shit. I was going to give it my all and make sure he didn't take me too lightly...Seriously though I just didn't like him or his attitude and wanted to give him an adjustment. To me he is one of those people that has a pretty face and just talks out their ass. He is so smug and just filled with arrogance that you just wanna slap him. That is just my personal opinion."

     As Jack attempts to endure his series of ordeals, you can see the sadness in his eyes increase, along with a corresponding glint of sadistic glee in Damien's. The bullying reminds me of what Johnny Deep (Jack's best friend -- they entered the federation together, bolstering each other's confidence) endured at the hands of Eli Black. This dynamic is disorienting; when I first started hearing about the "heat" between these two wrestlers, I always assumed that Jack, the straight male, had been the aggressor.
     These "lost" matches are actually "custom" matches (matches that had been produced for one specific sponsor, who dictated the action). UCW holds onto them for a period of time, then heavily edits them and releases them for public consumption. As Damien says in his "Final Thoughts" on match #273: "I did eventually get my hands on Pvt Jack thanks to a custom match. However what happens in a custom match STAYS IN A CUSTOM MATCH! I can't share the details with you even if I wanted to."

     Well, what has been left in match #391 is hot and horrific enough. I'm not about to go into detail, but I will say that Jack is stripped down to a jock, and the young man's body is flawless (sorry, Damien). Jack in a jock (sounds like a line of men's undergarments -- Jack in a Jock -- more imaginative than Joe Boxer) is absolute aesthetic perfection. The fact that Jack is essentially being punished for his beauty (along with his sense of pride engendered by that beauty) makes the video even more poignant.
     The match gets four and a half hugs-and-kisses out of five. The only gripes I have are an editing job that leaves you yearning for those deleted scenes and, of course, a portrayal of gay males which sets back the struggle for inclusion in mainstream society by about fifty years.
     Since match #391 is a "lost" match, it is featured on a special page at the UCW website. On that page, there are also instructions on how you can sponsor a UCW custom match of your own. Hopefully, you'll request a match in which a wrestler like Jack is treated with love and kindness, not cruelty -- worshiped as the hot young god he truly is.

UCW Wrestling's Eli Black vs. Pvt. Jack Marino: Do It For Johnny!!!

     Up top we have one of the great moments in the history of Hollywood "Youth Literature" adaptations. That's Dallas Winston in "The Outsiders," vowing vengeance on the socs who were responsible for the death of his best friend, Johnny. Directly underneath we have a UCW WTF??? moment -- Pvt. Jack Marino ministering to a barely conscious Eli Black like Mary Magdalene during the Passion of Christ.
     You probably didn't know this (because I didn't know it until UCW founder Michael Bodyslam informed me) but Johnny Deep and Pvt. Jack Marino are close friends -- so close, in fact, that Johnny temporarily quit the fed because he was so forlorn after Jack enlisted in the army. Don't believe me? Here's a chat that I had with Bodyslam several months ago (click to enlarge):

     Now you probably did know this, if you read my blog regularly -- the last UCW match that Johnny Deep wrestled was also an oil match against Eli Black (#354). I'm sure you all remember what happened in that encounter (a bleeding head wound is hard to forget) but just in case the memory has dimmed, Eli Black is more than happy to remind us -- right at the very beginning of match #379, before the action even begins.

     Video #379 opens up with a shot of those two bosom buddies, the federation's thuggish ex-champion, Eli Black, and the current, self-appointed All-Star champion for life, UCW co-owner Michael Bodyslam. (Anyone who follows Bodyslam's posts on Facebook knows that he is quite forthright -- even boastful -- about his sadistic streak, so it's only natural that Bodyslam would share a certain affinity with a notorious "heel" like Black.)
     Bodyslam: "So are you ready to meet your opponent?"
     Eli: "Yeah. Who is it? Is Johnny Deep still back? Is he coming back? Did he wake up from his coma?"
     Bodyslam: "I don't think Johnny Deep will ever do an oil match with you again."
     That's good for a few chuckles. Not having rubbed enough salt into the wounds of my favorite former wrestlers, they continue.
     Eli: "What about Jax? Did he ever get out of that trunk I put him in?"

Oh, that's really hilarious, isn't it, Michael?

     Bodyslam: "Ah, no. He's probably still in the trunk."
     And so it goes...
     Of course, it's mere coincidence that the final UCW appearances for both Johnny and Jax were matches against Eli Black. Besides, Johnny is still listed on the active roster and he's scheduled to return after his summer vacation. (Hmm...now what was the title of that 1966 surfer movie?)
     Finally, Eli's mystery opponent shows up and it's Pvt. Jack Marino, on leave from his military duties. Now, if you assume that this is going to be another squash of Eli's former bondage slave, think again. Jack is more muscular (and hirsute) than ever before, clearly in tiptop shape thanks to the rigors of army life.

     Do you know what's wrong with this picture? We've got smiles all around. Where's the killer instinct, Jack? You are about to fight the guy who not only left your best friend stripped naked and bleeding from a scalp laceration (the aforementioned match #354) but also beat him to the point of unconsciousness, then beat him even more (match #336 -- the most affecting example of bullying, pro wrestling style, that I've ever seen, and my reason for creating this blog). I wanted to see Dallas Winston in that "Outsiders" hospital scene; instead I got something all together different.
     Jack remains disappointingly easygoing throughout this video. Jack is the antithesis of UCW newcomer Danny Sticks, who was the subject of my last blog entry. I don't know Jack's astrological sign, but I'll bet my life that he's not a Cancer. (On a side note, my fellow Cancerian Danny Sticks has seen fit to mock my interest in astrology -- not once but twice -- in recent video communiques.)

     Ah, well, it's to be expected. Two Cancerians never get along -- too much intensity. At any rate, Danny is now sporting a spiffy, new, never-before-seen UCW Wrestling t-shirt following his attendance at a federation videotaping this past weekend. (I wonder if Jax Briggs' old employer is responsible for the printing.)

     Okay. Enough about Danny -- at least for now. Let's get back to Pvt. Jack and his social interaction with Eli Black in match #379.
     Before the bell even rings, Eli calls Pvt. Jack a "pussy" (Eli's favorite word) and later uses a profane litany to describe Jack's mother. Then Eli looks directly into the camera and speaks to us about an abominable heterosexual practice called "bowling" (I won't go into detail, but it's definition #4 in the Urban Dictionary) before inflicting this humiliating and emasculating "wrestling maneuver" on Jack. 

Something we'd expect from Quinn Harper?

     Eli is actually one of the twin snakes in UCW's Garden of Eden. Both Eli and Quinn are attempting to lead UCW down paths which are detrimental to the federation. Eli's influence is for hardcore violence and Quinn's is for  hardcore sleaze. If we want hardcore violence, we'll watch videotapes of MMA matches (where Eli may also make an appearance, by the way). If we want hardcore sleaze, we'll watch one of BG East's lecherously contrived "X-Fight" matches. UCW is not an adult entertainment site. Furthermore, hot young guys who have a lot going for them (e.g., Johnny Deep and Jax Briggs) probably aren't going to keep showing up for taping sessions if Eli is beating them bloody or Quinn is sticking his hand under their tights.
     It amazes me that so many UCW wrestlers rationalize what happens to them at the hands of Eli and Quinn. For example, Jax Briggs actually considers the hellish experience at the hands of Quinn Harper during match #356 to have been "a learning experience." Similarly, Pvt. Jack absorbs horrendous abuse during this ugly clash with Eli, but the serviceman remains cheery and unflappable throughout.
     For example, at one point, Eli notices that the cap from the oil bottle has sharp edges, so he commences to grind it into Jack's flesh, proudly displaying the ring-shaped imprints to the camera.

     If that cruelty isn't reprehensible enough, Eli demonstrates that Johnny's head injury in match #354 was no accidental fluke by deliberately attempting to hurl Jack head-first into the same cinder block wall. Fortunately, Jack's cranium stops short of the wall by about an inch.
     "Missed!" Eli grouses, and the cameraman (whoever he is) offers Eli the helpful advice that there wasn't enough oil on that portion of the mat. It's all typically ruthless UCW behavior, even on the part of the fed's technicians. 

     In this match, Michael Bodyslam plays an important role. In past matches, Bodyslam has consistently favored his fair haired boy, Eli Black. Bodyslam actually served as a launching pad for an Eli Black frog splash on a hapless Hunter Day (match #345) and offered heartfelt congratulations to Black after the then-champ's fiasco of a title defense against Jax Briggs (match #358).
      This time, however, Eli is facing an opponent who the UCW boss favors, and that fact proves to be Eli's undoing. After dominating the first ten minutes of action, Eli pauses to request another anointing of oil from Bodyslam. Bodyslam acquiesces, but "innocently" begins the process by pouring the oil on Eli's head, forcing the ex-champ to wrestle the remainder of the match squinting at his opponent through narrowed, bleary eyes.

     Then, when Eli commands, "Alright, now rub it in like a good boy," Bodyslam responds, "Someone else is going to do that for me." At that moment, Jack sneaks up on Eli from behind and perfectly executes a Russian leg sweep that would have done Bret Hart proud. Eli crashes to the mat, the tide has turned, and Jack remains in control for most of the video's duration.

      I would rate this match XOXOXO -- three hugs and kisses out of a possible five. Match #336 -- the second Eli Black vs. Johnny Deep skirmish -- was perfection from the standpoint of a pure good vs. evil conflict. That video gets a full five hugs and kisses, and I don't expect anything from any federation will ever equal it. This video would have gotten four hugs and kisses -- still an amazing accomplishment -- were it not for one flaw.
     From the moment Jack stepped into camera range, it was clear that he wasn't serious about doing severe bodily harm to Eli. Whenever Eli faced Johnny Deep, you could sense the mutual animosity and acrimony as soon as the cameras started to roll. By contrast, match #379 gives us two rugged, macho straight guys roughhousing as their competitive juices flow. Although Eli's ego was definitely bruised by Jack's strong showing, his physical health remained intact.
     The very first photo at the top of this blog entry says it all. It is rare when Eli Black is placed in such a vulnerable position. The proper response, given Eli's history of merciless brutality in the fed, is to do what Johnny attempted during a few glorious moments of match #336 -- grab a metal chair (or any other weapon on hand) and pound the creature into smithereens. Just beat the monster until there's nothing left but a pile of dust on the floor. Instead, Pvt. Jack was benevolent of heart and showed unwarranted compassion.
      Of course, not everyone would agree with me about this general assessment, and Blogger Joe of Ringside at Skull Island has, unsurprisingly, a different point of view. Old Steamy Pants himself dusted the cobwebs off an old bottle of Geritol and managed to work up enough energy to compose a full, five-paragraph review of this match (which is like a five-star rating, coming from him). You can glance at all the giddy superlatives over here:

Ringside at Skull Island: Eli's Slick Hairy Private: I love the hell out of  UCW . Even its lamest fight (and there have been some lame ones) has been good for a...

     (Oh -- and look! You don't even have to read beyond the title to encounter the first lewd double entendre! What a joy!)
     As I mentioned, this is match #379, and it's currently the featured offering, available for download at the UCW website. Enjoy.