Blogs about underground wrestling federations and the wrestlers who compete in them, with a particular focus on Underground Championship Wrestling (aka UCW Wrestling). Featured wrestlers: Skip Vance, Jax Briggs, Ethan Axel Andrews, Eli Black, Johnny Deep, Vincent Stone, Shane Saunders, Michael Hannigan, Nick Diesel, Pedro Espada, Danny Sticks, Pvt. Jack Marino, Diego Valentino, Isaiah "Ice" Berg, Quinn Harper, Hiro, Hunter Day, Oliver Wood, Victor, and L.S. Powerhouse.
I had begun to forget why I despise Eli Black. In the recent videos leading up to this one (UCW Video #400 -- available for download here), we've been treated to an out-of-character, kinder, gentler Eli. Yes, Eli's interaction with his protegee, Vincent Stone, has been touching -- and it served to humanize Eli's brutal, ruthless wrestling persona. In those videos, Eli seemed willing to sacrifice a large part of his intimidating mat presence in order to keep Vincent out of harm's way.
Match #400 features Eli Black the way he was, before Vincent arrived on the scene. This is the Eli Black who bullied My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep to the point where he quit the federation (although MBPJD seems destined to be enshrined on the UCW Locker Room page's "Active Roster" for all eternity, harsh reality notwithstanding). This is the Eli Black who was too much of an egomaniac to ever allow Jax Briggs to "get over" in a match (even when Jax won the UCW All-Star Championship). I could go on, but it suffices to say that my two favorite UCW wrestlers aren't around anymore, in large part due to Eli -- and I don't know how long a classy prep like Shane Saunders would stay with the fed if he had to deal with Eli on a regular basis.
At one point during this match, Ethan tells Vincent, "I like you, Vinny. I really do. Don't get me wrong. But you've got to stop hanging around with Eli. You see, you're just going to get hurt." Indeed, Eli deliberately places Vincent in harm's way, time and time again, during match #400. Obviously, a shot at Quinn Harper's championship (and a chance to defeat Axel -- the most prolific competitor in underground wrestling -- who has beaten Eli in every previous encounter) trumps any loyalty that Eli feels toward his childhood friend.
At the end of the day, Eli Black is, was, and always will be a boorish lout. This is clear from the very first words that escape Eli's lips at the start of video #400: "Oh hey, Miss Axel, how are you doing today?" Then, a few seconds later, Eli is doing his stretching exercises and Ethan is about to comment on Eli's longer hairstyle. However, Eli interrupts, "My a--? You're staring at my a--? Is that what you were about to comment on?"
This type of talk was always offensive when it appeared on a UCW video; now that Ethan has come out as gay (a scant three months ago), Eli's hypermasculine attitude seems blatantly homophobic. Ethan, however, is too innately gentle (and perhaps a tad naive) to register appropriate outrage. As for Vincent, he just stares at the cameraman with a stunned reaction (probably thinking, "Hey, this is a gay wrestling video, right?").
Concerning the actual match, this offering often seems like "custom match" material (i.e., it comes dangerously close to adult entertainment -- sort of like your typical Quinn Harper vid). There is quite a bit of vulgarity during verbal exchanges, and most of the action centers around low blows (and generalized punishment to that portion of the two combatants' anatomies). Eli's sadistic streak is in full swing, and the only reason why this video isn't as horrific as video #336 (the ultimate portrayal of pro wrestling victimization) stems from the fact that this time Eli is on the mat with a savvy, seasoned (albeit babyfaced) veteran -- not a heartbreakingly vulnerable prettyboy.
At one point in the match, Ethan shouts out a threat to Eli in the midst of excruciating pain, prompting Eli to lamely accuse Ethan of being a bully (a criticism that had validity when Ethan consented to join forces with the odious Quinn Harper in match #381 -- a strange match in which Ethan and Eli seemed to switch face/heel roles). In this case, Eli is audaciously blaming the victim for his reaction to being victimized; it's similar to Eli scolding Shane Saunders for using profanity while getting beaten up during match #384 ("Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"). (Note: Shane, being the sweetheart that he is, actually tried to curb his swearing after Eli made that remark.)
Vinny seems hesitant to become physically involved in this match, for good reason (Vincent vs. Axel is a no-win proposition). At first, Vincent identified himself as Eli's corner man, but Ethan seemed to invite Vincent's participation. Furthermore, Vincent can often be seen taking cues from someone off-camera right before he intervenes -- probably Bodyslam, who (according to his Facebook posts) enjoys seeing cute, young guys getting squashed in wrestling matches.
Oh, and the UCW wardrobe department chalked up an epic fail as far as Vinny is concerned. You don't put jeans and socks on eye candy, ever.
By the way, this video marks yet another milestone in technological advances for UCW. The federation just recently started marketing high definition vids, albeit slightly out-of-proportion (the wrestlers appeared elongated, not in a good way) and in bulky, difficult-to-download .wmv format. This video is available in HD, perfectly proportioned, easy-to-download, compact MPEG-4 format. (Now, for some reason, I could only play it on Windows Media Player; Real Player and QuickTime Player didn't work. Maybe my versions of those media players need to be updated with a codec or something. At any rate, play it on your Windows Media Player and you'll have a marvelous experience.)
During a Facebook exchange, one of the purchasers of this video professed surprise over the match's ending. I inquired as to whether this "surprise" involved Vincent's involvement, and Bodyslam assured me that it did. Without posting any spoilers, I'll simply say that the action in match #400 unfolds in a manner that can be expected, if you are familiar with the personalities of the participants. This video marks a return to Eli Black's villainous ring persona -- he even punishes Vincent with a low blow when the kid makes a rookie mistake.
It's Eli Black and Hunter Day all over again. For better or worse, the complex, nuanced Eli Black -- the guy who was wiping away tears after match #381 -- has left the building.
Match #400 -- pitting two of UCW's most skilled performers against each other, and featuring a misguided rookie as the contest's "wildcard" -- is currently available at the UCW Wrestling website's "New Matches" page. Enjoy.
The video posted above is Cashman & West's brilliant "American City Suite" from 1972, back when New York City was going to hell in a handbasket. From the song, it's undeniably clear that Cashman & West possessed a deep, profound love for NYC, and that's why they were so passionate in their critique of Gotham.
The analogy I'm trying to make is that I love UCW Wrestling and that's why I don't hesitate to voice my own outrage when I see it heading down the wrong path. Rookie after rookie disappears from that federation, and there's a reason for that. (My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep -- still featured on UCW's "active" roster -- was supposed to return to competition after the summer. No one mentioned which summer.)
The "reason" is the influence of the man behind the mask in video #395. UCW founder Michael Bodyslam is adamant about prohibiting me from identifying whichever wrestler happens to be portraying the Black Dragon in any UCW presentation. For those of you who have difficulty clapping your hands without missing, I won't spoil the intrigue; I'll simply remind everyone that #395's Black Dragon is the wrestler who Johnny considered to be the "worst guy" in the company...the blatant sadist who introduced sleaze to the federation and has a propensity for "wrecking prettyboys"...the manipulative, behind-the-scenes Svengali who has been awarded UCW's top honor.
The four screen caps posted above the "American City Suite" video illustrate why I will never again be able to despise Eli Black to the degree that I once did. Without giving too much away, I'll just say that those pics depict the result of Eli's cockiness and his proclivity for jumping to conclusions. In this case, Eli sincerely regrets those character flaws, and he's not ashamed to display that regret to Vincent as the cameras are rolling.
In a typical display of hubris, Eli allowed Vincent to compete alone in UCW for the first time, without the benefit of Eli's supervision and guidance. Of course, Vincent was matched against the wrong opponent to face under such circumstances, and the results were disastrous.
Prior to Eli's departure, there were several events that foreshadowed this match's outcome. Early on (at the 4:26 mark), the Black Dragon showed utter disregard for the fact that he was wrestling on a thin 1.25" mat over a concrete floor, and bodyslammed Vincent with tremendous force. Vincent seemed amazed by the impact. Unable to move, with the wind knocked out of him, Vincent laughed about his predicament. Eli asked, "You alright, Vinnie?" sounding genuinely concerned. Vincent was unable to answer, but the show must go on, and the video continued without an edit.
Vincent applies a leg scissors but is lifted off the mat...
...then slammed HARD (just watch it in slow-mo)
Eager to please, Vinnie seems apologetic that he can't move
Lest we believe that this slam was an aberration, Vinnie endured two similar slams during the later stages of the match. Note: This Black Dragon performs at indie pro wrestling events in an environment where injuries are de rigueur -- he himself recently received a concussion -- and young grapplers in particular are expected to "pay their dues." Case in point is a 2012 Magnum Pro Wrestling show in Iowa, during which 16-year-old Ryan Kidd was brutalized by 16-year veteran Tony Kozina. According to a description of the match, Kozina "acts like the entire match is a joke for the first few minutes before hitting Kidd (a wrestler who had only been alive as long as Kozina had been in the business, mind you) with several stiff throws, piledrivers and full-contact kicks before locking in an unprotected headscissors, resulting in Kidd legitimately being choked into unconsciousness." Like Vinnie, Ryan Kidd gamely continued on with the performance as long as he could. Here's a video of the encounter...
(It should be noted that Ryan is still a teenager and still wrestling, despite that horrid experience. You can "like" Ryan's Facebook page here. There are also Ryan Kidd interviews from 2012 posted on YouTube, so you can see just who it was that Kozina chose to bully.)
Getting back to the destruction of Vinnie, a modified half Boston crab wasn't punishment enough, so the Dragon reverted to a familiar below-the-belt grab -- a maneuver designed to both hurt and humiliate an opponent.
Yes, the kind of maneuver that would get anyone kicked out of a legitimate fed -- and a few illegitimate ones -- but UCW is undergoing a Golden Age for Heels. Certainly, co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews, anti-bullying crusader and moral compass for the company, would never speak casually about such tactics or utilize them himself...
...and we wonder why UCW is losing their best "faces." Also, why cast doubt on Shane's character? Has Shane ever tag teamed with Quinn Harper? You know, when that Bel-Air prep first debuted in UCW, I worried about the jealousy he'd arouse (something similar happened to Johnny, when his popularity eclipsed Eli's). However, I didn't expect the Shane Saunders envy to come from a UCW owner.
Despite the wayward drift of UCW, Vinnie seems determined to succeed in the federation, and match #395 is no squash. Eli's protegee holds his own against the Dragon even after enduring cannibalism. (By the 1:33 mark, this rabid beast has already bitten Vincent in the buttocks, and it later sinks its fangs into Eli.) Vincent utilizes certain strategies that you typically see in high school matches (no surprise, since Eli was a top HS wrestler in Pennsylvania).
Vinnie loves making eye contact with the camera
Of course, when Eli was present during this match, it was often fun and games for the two childhood friends.
"Welcome to America, biotch."
"If you can say please get off me in perfect English, I'd be more than happy to."
"Japan muscle? You ever heard of built Ford tough?"
This match was not reviewed by Ringside at Skull Island, probably because of the countless xenophobic wisecracks uttered by Eli (much to the amusement of his sidekick in the red, white, and blue trunks). Sure, this Black Dragon is a roughneck, nationalistic American himself who's in on the joke, but I knew that wouldn't matter to Blogger Joe. I almost made some snide remark about "Miss Political Correctness," but then I read Joe's most recent blog entry, entitled, "Finisher."
Yes, it's true, ladies and gentlemen. Joe is finally calling it quits -- and no, I'm not happy about it. I don't suppose Joe ever really gave a damn about what I've written in this blog...but if any of my quips played even a minor role in Joe's decision, I feel guilty about that.
The fact is that I've always had immense respect for Joe as a reviewer, although I never let on to that fact. It's my nature to play the devil's advocate, and Joe gave me plenty of fodder for my own articles. As a matter of fact, if Joe hadn't pissed me off to such a degree when he reviewed match #336 then I would have never started writing about UCW. In a very real sense, if there had been no Ringside at Skull Island, there would be no Old Freddie Young's Blog.
Joe, if you read this, I hope you reconsider. You have a very rare gift of eloquence and the fact that you used that talent to promote the underground wrestling scene was special. You're providing us with a very valuable service and if we haven't always shown our appreciation -- well, I hope it's not too late.
At any rate, the Vincent Stone & Eli Black vs. Black Dragon match is video #395, and it's available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Let's support UCW and show our gratitude toward the guys who give us this gift.
Well, Ethan Axel Andrews just came out in a blog post published yesterday (publicly, that is -- Ethan came out to family several months ago). Now on his second boyfriend, Ethan had teased us with talk about being "taken" and having "a friend" but, naive me -- I really thought he was in a relationship with a woman. Oh, and speaking of teasing us...Blogger Joe gave us a hint way back in 2012 with another one of his (in)famous double entendres. Yes, this is the same Ethan who, only a year ago, was posting his profile on fight sites with the caveat, "Not looking for a boyfriend. Sorry, guys." Well, Old Freddie (unlike Blogger Joe) is never privy to UCW inside info...but he does have a theory or two. Ethan told me that his "type" were guys who were "built up." Now, IF boyfriend #1 was a wrestler...and he worked for UCW...and he was the muscular type...and he and Ethan enjoyed activities outside of UCW (e.g., Pennsylvania Warrior Dash 2014)...and then he just disappeared...I might be able to take a wild guess as to his identity.
Well, Ethan wants to safeguard his privacy; he'll let us in part way, then giggle and shut the door (a trait he seems to share with his tag team partner Michael Hannigan). At any rate, Michael Hannigan (if you've been wondering, and you just might have been) is straight. Michael posted on Facebook recently about "a new member to the Hannigan family coming soon" to which UCW founder Bodyslam responded, "You?? Daddy Hannigan??"
The current (for a few more hours at least) new release at UCW Wrestling is match #394 which pits Ethan and Michael (who I've cavalierly dubbed "The Gay-Straight Connection") against the repugnant Eli Black and confused, misguided (he acquiesced to be Eli's tag partner) Diego Valentino (who gets about as much respect in UCW as the dearly departed Hunter Day -- Ethan dismisses him as "that -- whatever that is," relegating Diego to inanimate object status). Oh yes, the referee is my friend and pen pal, Vincent Stone.
You'll notice that I've resumed describing Eli in starkly negative terms, because he deserves it. Eli treats everyone, including his tag partners, like dirt. The ONLY exception to this rule is Vincent Stone. It's monumentally touching to see Eli turn human when he's interacting with his childhood friend, but being decent to one human being on the entire planet doesn't mean that you no longer qualify as horrid.
Vincent is totally loyal to Eli, and that may be why Eli has befriended him. In recent correspondence, I told Vincent that I was lobbying for his return to UCW (after Vincent was branded by the fed as "in need of more training"). Vincent replied, "Hi. I guess it helped, man. I did just do a match with my buddy Eli in my corner. I also had my first MMA fight and lost but Eli said I did well and I will do better next time." (That return match is #395, which may already be the featured video at the UCW website by the time this blog entry gets published.)
Eli called Vince "the perfect combination of a 'face' and a 'heel'" during a recent "Inside Scoop" video blog, and there is something refreshing about the young man's presence in UCW (Axel mentions Vincent's "popularity" in the current "Inside Scoop"). Without giving away the outcome of match #394, I'll simply say that the manner in which Vincent announces the winner is charming due to his good-natured, guileless personality.
Originally, this blog entry was going to take an entirely different tack (no, that's not a typo). You see, Blogger Joe has already written a review of this match, and I read it before downloading the video (another huge, high def, 2GB file BTW). As a matter of fact, I actually "liked" the Facebook announcement of this review, due mainly to Joe's opening sentence, "At UCW I can barely tell the heroes from the villains."
This has long been a major gripe of my own. As a matter of fact, UCW's last release featured the usually virtuous Michael Hannigan behaving like a total "heel" as he wrestled the gorgeous young hero, Shane Saunders. Furthermore, Ethan Axel Andrews (UCW's ultimate "face" and anti-bullying crusader) sank down into the depths of depravity during his last tag team encounter vs. Eli (match #381, which Joe correctly references in his current review as that "excellent match from November"). In #381, Ethan joined forces with the odious UCW All-Star Champion, Quinn Harper, and brutalized Eli in one of the ugliest segments ever depicted by this federation. (Serious note to the world in general: brutality doesn't rehabilitate anyone.)
From match #381 -- Ethan abandons his anti-bullying principles
Therefore, my original theme for this review was going to be a discussion of UCW "faces" degenerating into "heels" due to the federation's "no rules" philosophy. Judging from Blogger Joe's review, I anticipated finding quite a bit of villainous behavior on the part of Ethan and Michael.
Then I actually viewed match #394 and -- surprise!!! -- the video bore absolutely no resemblance to Blogger Joe's senile ramblings. In match #394, Ethan and Michael behave like choir boys (as all "faces" should) while Eli and Diego are total miscreants. I was left without a topic until Ethan "came out" and saved the day.
It's interesting to note Eli's varied reactions toward Ethan and toward Michael. When Ethan goes on the attack, Eli seems to take it in stride. However, Michael's offensive showings are treated by Eli as an affront to his dignity, and he immediately retaliates. Michael is an aggressive, heterosexual male, without Eli's meanness and anger. The interaction between Eli and Michael is similar to what you'd expect from any pair of highly competitive, straight males (and it mirrors, in large degree, the mat interaction between Eli and Johnny or Eli and Jax). As a result, Michael suffers a great deal of pain in this match, and those scenes make a lasting impression on the viewer.
Ethan can't even watch.
Speaking of Michael, those scenes displaying his vulnerability to Eli's ruthless temperament enable us to once again view Michael in a sympathetic light -- and appreciate his smoking hot bod. From the waist down (strong legs, juicy butt, and alabaster, perfectly formed feet -- Old Freddie wouldn't know about any other portion of his anatomy down there, unfortunately), Michael is as sexy as UCW wrestler around (and that's saying plenty).
Joe does make a valid point when he states, "At UCW...the tag team matches are often the company's best bets for entertainment." Like match #381, this match is basically a lighthearted romp (frequent smiles all around) with the macho cruelty of Eli -- and the sweet, soulful suffering of Michael -- spicing up the brew. There is a surprise ending, sort of (if one is familiar with UCW history, it may not come as a total shock) and the close bond between Eli and Vince is always fascinating. The now "out and proud" Ethan Axel Andrews competing with his heterosexual peers provides yet another intriguing dimension to the production. Of course, the video quality is state-of-the-art, thanks to UCW's new technology. All in all, video #394 receives an XOXOXOXO -- four hugs-and-kisses out of a perfect five (as represented by match #336, the hottest wrestling match ever produced by anyone). This hectic tag-team encounter is available for download right here -- if you're reading this soon after I've posted it. If not, you'll have to navigate the UCW website, clicking on various "More Videos" buttons (but don't despair -- the search will be worth it).
I viewed this match three nights ago, right before bedtime, and it gave me insomnia. I was almost going to post on Facebook, "Watched UCW-Wrestling match #387 and now so full of hate that I can't sleep," but I didn't feel like discussing UCW at all, not even in a negative light. Originally, I was going to simply entitle this blog entry, "UCW Sucks," but thankfully I recalled an old Rolling Stones tune that can be used to more articulately describe my discouragement.
Do yourselves a favor and click "play" on that video. That's Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones appearing on the BBC, back when Old Freddie was a seven-year-old kid in second grade -- and I derive enormous satisfaction that Mick and the boys are still alive and kicking today, haven't missed a beat, and are even performing that same song on their current concert tour. (Of course, the exception is Brian Jones, the blond haired kid with mutton chop sideburns who seems stoned out of his skull in the above vid. The cameraman avoids focusing upon him until the last few minutes, when Brian starts staring at fascinating hallucinations on the ceiling and Keith starts laughing at him.) No comment concerning the wild and uninhibited dance moves from the 1960's white kids in the audience, but Jagger (the Baryshnikov of Rock) was an aberration even then. The Stones always had an edge and were great entertainers, while the Beatles were boring-ass mediocrities who were simply in the right place at the right time (including, and especially Paul McCartney -- Kanye fans take note).
No, this isn't a music blog (or an astrology blog, Danny Sticks) but this song sums up my disgust toward UCW Wrestling after match #387 and renews my resolution to quit blogging about that wayward fed: "Well, I told you once and I told you twice / But you never listen to my advice / Don't try very hard to please me / With what you know, it should be easy."
Actually, UCW seemed on the verge of getting back on the right track, almost in spite of itself. Eli Black, the thuggish misanthrope who had dominated the federation since I began blogging, suddenly started to turn human before our very eyes (it was almost as if Bodyslam and Axel -- both huge Doctor Who fans -- had decided to produce videos with a sci-fi component). Due perhaps to newfound romance in his personal life -- or whatever reason -- Eli has been "poised," "sunny," and even "positively radiant" (Ringside at Skull Island's terminology, and for once Blogger Joe nailed it) during his last several UCW appearances.
Then Eli, who drove My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) out of UCW and perpetrated the Swarthmore Screwjob on Jax Briggs, redeemed himself by bringing childhood pal Vincent Stone (UCW's hottest piece of eye candy since Jax) into the fed. Seeing Eli interact with Vincent in UCW videos is like watching Dallas Winston demonstrate tenderness toward Johnny Cade in "The Outsiders." (In recent email correspondence, Vincent told me, "Eli is a good friend and sweet to me and my family. Just want you to know.")
With UCW showcasing a more complex, multidimensional Eli Black and his hugely appealing protege, one had cause to be optimistic about the federation's future. Still, there was a snake remaining in Eden -- Quinn Harper, who has exerted huge influence on UCW (both on camera and behind-the-scenes) for quite some time. The "Inside Scoop" video blogs parodying Harper's mesmerizing mind-control over UCW founder Michael Bodyslam were right on the mark, and even co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews lost his moral compass, tarnishing his heroic UCW persona when he became Harper's tag team partner.
The photo at the top of this page is from the very beginning of match #387. Michael Bodyslam is tersely explaining that "Quinn Harper has enough wins to take me on" for the UCW All-Star Championship belt. Yes, Quinn Harper, the guy who Eli just dropped as a tag team partner ("You don't satisfy my needs! You don't make me happy! We don't win!"). Note: Ringside at Skull Island's Blogger Joe is famous for his slippery language, but he left very little wriggle-room in a recent blog, calling Quinn a shoo-in for the title.
This is a photo from the very end of match #387 -- Michael Bodyslam as The Lion In Winter (open-heart surgery and bad knee notwithstanding) physically attacking Quinn Harper. No, it's not a spoiler; plenty of action occurs at the end of this video, and Bodyslam's assault is just part of it.
By the way, Danny Sticks (who seems to have replaced Hunter Day as UCW's misguided rookie) serves as referee in this fiasco. At the conclusion of this match, Danny makes it clear that even he wants a different outcome (a sentiment totally out of character with his UCW persona as Harper's tag team partner), prompting Bodyslam to make a disparaging reference to Danny's subversive improv during his closing remarks.
In my review of match #381, I called Quinn a "rabid coyote" in describing his attack on Eli. Judging from Quinn's behavior in match #387, he probably took my remark as a compliment (it sounds similar to "rabid wolverine"). Therefore, let me revise my description -- Quinn resembles a rabid sewer rat in match #387. Fans of Animal Planet will enjoy this video.
Blogger Joe went wild over this match (just read the last four sentences of his review) and still managed to be as offensive as ever (that nameless "wet behind the ears rookie" who gained the UCW Championship was Jax Briggs -- a kid with mad skills who defeated Ethan Axel Andrews in his debut match). Not surprisingly, anything that Blogger Joe loves, Old Freddie hates. Since I am in the habit of rating UCW videos on a scale in which five hugs-and-kisses equals perfection, then match #387 gets zero, zilch, nada -- no love from Old Freddie at all. This video is fascinating in the way that a tragic train wreck is fascinating, and it represents the demise of my favorite underground wrestling fed.
I'm posting the above photo in an attempt to illustrate Quinn's physical condition at the end of match #387. Quinn has an injured knee and the makings of a black eye, and he's saying, "This is for those of you who think wrestling isn't real." Well, Quinn, I've never been one of those people. I've always believed that UCW represents reality in all of ugliness, as I made clear in my review of the Jax Briggs vs. Eli Black debacle (match #361, the only UCW presentation more disheartening than this one).
Here's some advice to Bodyslam (especially) and you too, Ethan. You guys are not running an adult entertainment website. I watched Quinn's reaction to the "oil-check" reversal in match #387, and that scene reached new levels of creepiness. I almost ran a photo of that "wrestling maneuver" but I'm not sinking to that level; I'll leave it to the purveyors of "hardboiled wrestling kink" (only Blogger Joe could or would utilize a phrase like "creatively degenerate wrestler" and only Quinn Harper could feel flattered by it). If you want to continue down this path (and I'm also thinking about the "pool stick" segment in match #374), you're defiling a wonderful gift that you gave to us.
As if video #387 (and its ramifications) weren't depressing enough, Vincent told me in his last email: "I guess my next match wasn't any good and I have to train more before I can do more matches, so maybe you could tell Michael to keep using me." You know, it kind of breaks my heart to see this kid's self-esteem being destroyed ("My smile was bad...my next match wasn't any good..." and I haven't forgotten that introductory "Inside Scoop": "I won't make him flex and all that because I just won't embarrass him"). I don't know what gaffes Vincent commits in his next match, but I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love every minute of the video. There are qualities besides technical proficiency that make for an entertaining underground wrestling presentation. On top of that, do you really think that Eli is going to maintain his current high level of enthusiasm for UCW if you reject Vincent?
Here's the deal, Bodyslam and Ethan. If you still want Old Freddie around after this scathing review of your latest offering, then keep Vincent in the federation. Otherwise, I'll just fade away. ("Old bloggers never die. They just fade away." Perez Hilton said that, and that's your history lesson for today.)
This may be the last time.
This may be the last time.
May be the last time, I don't know.
(Video #387 aka "R.I.P. to U.C.W." is available for download here: UCW Wrestling )
Eli Black had me totally hoodwinked at the beginning of this video (UCW match #375). Standing with his arms folded and glaring like a stern storm trooper at debuting rookie Vincent Stone, Eli remained humorless as UCW founder Michael Bodyslam (wearing an "All I Care About Is Wrestling...And Like Maybe 3 People" t-shirt) rattled off a multitude of quips during the introductions.
Eli seemed to be putting both Vincent and Bodyslam on edge with his sullen demeanor. Then, as soon as Bodyslam walked away from the mat area, what happened was downright touching.
Yes, Eli Black not only shook hands with his opponent prior to a match, he embraced him. "I'm so happy you're f'n here, bro!" Eli exclaims. "What everybody in UCW didn't know, my boy Vinnie here and me -- I'm not going to say we grew up together because I am just a tad bit older than his young a--, but I'm like a big brother to this little dude right here." The sentiments that Eli expresses (and Vincent's reactions to them) are undeniably genuine.
Recently, Blogger Joe has taken note of Eli's ebullient on-screen presence in UCW videos. Blogger Joe even went so far as to call Eli "radiant" in his review of match #379 and that telling choice of words caused me to speculate on a possible romance in Eli's personal life when I composed my review of match #381. After all, "Ringside at Skull Island" enjoys the same type of sycophantic relationship with UCW that Fox News has with the GOP, so naturally Blogger Joe would be privy to inside info.
Romance or not, Eli Black is no longer the one-dimensional villain that he once was. Match #381 ended with Eli imitating the shedding of tears after his offer of a handshake was spurned by both Ethan Axel Andrews and Quinn Harper. This was a particularly poignant gesture, since Eli had been victimized in that match by some ugly violence from Harper (ugly in the sense of a scrap between two predatory beasts -- in this case, it was like watching a young jackal being torn up by a rabid coyote) but was willing to offer congratulations anyway. After the snub, Eli was left forlorn and alone to stew in the juices of his own hubris; Eli's only real friend on the scene, Vincent, had been kicked off the mat (literally) by Eli in a fit of pique just moments earlier.
There is a concept of "generosity" that is unique to the world of theater. It involves keeping your ego in check and avoiding scene stealing. In extreme cases, it involves deliberately fading into the background and acting as a foil during dialogues, allowing your co-star to shine.
In pro wrestling, "generosity" comes into play when you sacrifice your own persona's invincibility, allowing your opponent his moments in the spotlight. It's called helping a wrestler to "get over" -- i.e., achieve popularity and credibility among the fans via displays of ring dominance. In match #375, Eli displays generosity above and beyond the call of duty toward Vincent, his boyhood friend making his UCW debut.
It's the type of generosity that Eli should have displayed toward Jax Briggs, when Jax won the All-Star Championship in match #361, but Eli's total lack of respect for Jax was mind-boggling. My disgust toward Eli (and UCW) reached its peak after that match. It was the type of generosity that all of the UCW wrestlers should have shown toward My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) instead of despising him for his instantaneous popularity and trying to hurt him during matches. (During his lengthy stay in UCW, Johnny was never allowed to experience a single victory -- and guys like Quinn Harper still post Facebook messages to me saying things like "Ya Freddie, why do you always back losers?")
As was demonstrated in match #381, Vincent has a tendency to smile out of character. As a matter of fact, Vincent and I have corresponded via UCW Fan Mail and Vincent wrote, "My smile was bad and Axel and Eli were mad about that but I couldn't help myself. Some of the stuff said was funny." Well, Vincent, your smile isn't "bad" by any means -- as a matter of fact, it helps to sell videos. When UCW finally posted the link to my last review on their Facebook page, they chose to include this screen cap:
UCW knows a photogenic smile when they see one.
Also, Ethan has no room to talk, after he incessantly and inappropriately grinned during this Inside Scoop about a UCW All-Star Championship hearing. Here, Vincent -- just click on that link, keep your eyes on Axel throughout the entire video, and you'll feel better about everything.
At any rate, Eli managed to keep Vincent in character throughout match #375 by inflicting genuine discomfort on the rookie whenever it was Eli's turn to dominate. If you watch those segments utilizing slow motion and stop action, you'll notice the little tell-tale signs of subtle physical contact (a tap on Eli's bicep, a clutching of Eli's hand) indicating that Vincent is being pushed past his threshold of pain, but Eli blithely ignores them. (To be fair, Axel employs the same harsh method acting strategies during his matches; UCW wrestlers are expected to suffer for their art.)
Since Vincent has been a friend/acquaintance of Eli's since childhood, he is no stranger to the "bullied kid" mentality -- just as the bully shows his toughness via ruthless aggression, the victim demonstrates his own toughness by nonchalantly shrugging off abuse. Trapped in a horrendously punishing crossface maneuver, Vince stoically endures a long, rambling Eli Black soliloquy. Eli bemoans UCW's loss of Johnny Deep, vents his jealousy toward Ethan Axel Andrews (the UCW wrestler who now owns 50% of the federation), and informs Vince that he will play the role of Eli's "puppy dog" in UCW. All the while, Eli makes a grand show of his callousness toward Vincent's suffering.
Later in the match, Eli gives Vincent a taste of what his "puppy dog" role will entail. With a chain wrapped around Vince's neck (a chain that Vincent briefly used as a weapon after Eli advised him to wrestle like a "heel"), the rookie is led around the mat on his hands and knees, receiving various commands. When Vince asserts his dignity, Eli yells, "Bad dog!" and disciplines the kid. It's like a scene of verbal and physical abuse straight out of a gay S&M video that somehow found its way into sports entertainment.
I learned from my correspondence with Vince that he has a February 8th birthday, which makes him an Aquarius (the same sign as Quinn Harper, unfortunately). Chameleon-like and innately nonconformist, Aquarius is a relatively thick-skinned sign, so Vincent was probably not seriously traumatized by the treatment he received from Eli (either in this video or during their childhood). Had Eli led Ethan Axel Andrews (a Pisces) or Danny Sticks (a Cancer) around the mat on a leash, there would have been quite a different reaction (both Pisces and Cancer -- along with Scorpio -- are highly sensitive water signs).
Ah, I just imagined Danny Sticks (aka the Blog Burner) reading my comments in the last paragraph and rolling his eyes in contempt for my belief in astrology. I do believe that it's time for a musical interlude.
...and that's the Birth of the Blues!!! That's the Birth of the Blues, ladies and gentlemen, and that song goes out to my friend and yours, the irrepressible Danny Sticks!!! MUAH! (Just had to get that out of my system. Danny has developed an off-camera friendship with Quinn Harper, by the way. Need I say more? Now, let's move on...)
Because Vincent had proven to be such a plucky competitor, it was somewhat heartrending to see him break (at least to a certain degree) at the end of this video. Eli had just applied his dreaded finishing maneuver, the Shutdown, on Vince and, being a master of overkill (don't forget, this is the same guy who applied a second knockout maneuver on an already unconscious Johnny Deep in video #336), told Vince that he was going to apply it again. This seems more than Vince can handle, and Vince says, "No!" in a weary voice but, of course, Eli shows no mercy.
As Vince is being set up for his second Shutdown, the rookie struggles to get free. This annoys Eli, so he runs backward, slamming Vince into the cinder block wall.
After executing the second Shutdown, Eli attempts one of his patently arrogant and humiliating covers, ordering Vince to remain on the mat for the three-count. Does Vince obey? Well, buy the video and find out. (Somewhere Bodyslam is smiling.)
Without providing any spoilers, I'll simply say this. By the end of match #375, Vincent has been beaten up enough to satisfy Eli's ego, and Eli must resort to his typical, manipulative rhetoric in order to keep Vince as a potential tag team partner. (Shades of Hunter Day! I swear, Eli's initials should be B.S.) Eli fills the rookie's head with delusions of grandeur ("We're going to run this federation!") like a Jim Jones-style character in a sensationalized Hollywood blockbuster:
Now that we've seen the human side of Eli, he's no longer a monster. Eli isn't Charles Manson or Adolph Hitler or Hannibal Lector (all of whom I've compared to Eli, at one time or another). In reality, Eli is a driven young man who alienates people with his overbearing personality. Everything else about the Eli Black persona is just smoke and mirrors.
And that's all there is. Blogger Joe already wrote a review of this match, but that pointy-headed pseudointellectual with his legions of community college "disciples" can create his own publicity, for once. Just go to "Ringside at Skull Island" and search for it, if you're that interested.
I will, however, link to the video offering. It's match #375 and it's available for download at the UCW Wrestling website, on this page (as of this writing). NOTE: Vincent told me in one of his emails, "Thank you for buying the video. Seems people like me but I am told its about sales so again thanks for buying." Therefore, let's purchase this video and show support for Vincent...and maybe even Eli, too.
