Blogs about underground wrestling federations and the wrestlers who compete in them, with a particular focus on Underground Championship Wrestling (aka UCW Wrestling). Featured wrestlers: Skip Vance, Jax Briggs, Ethan Axel Andrews, Eli Black, Johnny Deep, Vincent Stone, Shane Saunders, Michael Hannigan, Nick Diesel, Pedro Espada, Danny Sticks, Pvt. Jack Marino, Diego Valentino, Isaiah "Ice" Berg, Quinn Harper, Hiro, Hunter Day, Oliver Wood, Victor, and L.S. Powerhouse.
The video posted above is Cashman & West's brilliant "American City Suite" from 1972, back when New York City was going to hell in a handbasket. From the song, it's undeniably clear that Cashman & West possessed a deep, profound love for NYC, and that's why they were so passionate in their critique of Gotham.
The analogy I'm trying to make is that I love UCW Wrestling and that's why I don't hesitate to voice my own outrage when I see it heading down the wrong path. Rookie after rookie disappears from that federation, and there's a reason for that. (My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep -- still featured on UCW's "active" roster -- was supposed to return to competition after the summer. No one mentioned which summer.)
The "reason" is the influence of the man behind the mask in video #395. UCW founder Michael Bodyslam is adamant about prohibiting me from identifying whichever wrestler happens to be portraying the Black Dragon in any UCW presentation. For those of you who have difficulty clapping your hands without missing, I won't spoil the intrigue; I'll simply remind everyone that #395's Black Dragon is the wrestler who Johnny considered to be the "worst guy" in the company...the blatant sadist who introduced sleaze to the federation and has a propensity for "wrecking prettyboys"...the manipulative, behind-the-scenes Svengali who has been awarded UCW's top honor.
The four screen caps posted above the "American City Suite" video illustrate why I will never again be able to despise Eli Black to the degree that I once did. Without giving too much away, I'll just say that those pics depict the result of Eli's cockiness and his proclivity for jumping to conclusions. In this case, Eli sincerely regrets those character flaws, and he's not ashamed to display that regret to Vincent as the cameras are rolling.
In a typical display of hubris, Eli allowed Vincent to compete alone in UCW for the first time, without the benefit of Eli's supervision and guidance. Of course, Vincent was matched against the wrong opponent to face under such circumstances, and the results were disastrous.
Prior to Eli's departure, there were several events that foreshadowed this match's outcome. Early on (at the 4:26 mark), the Black Dragon showed utter disregard for the fact that he was wrestling on a thin 1.25" mat over a concrete floor, and bodyslammed Vincent with tremendous force. Vincent seemed amazed by the impact. Unable to move, with the wind knocked out of him, Vincent laughed about his predicament. Eli asked, "You alright, Vinnie?" sounding genuinely concerned. Vincent was unable to answer, but the show must go on, and the video continued without an edit.
Vincent applies a leg scissors but is lifted off the mat...
...then slammed HARD (just watch it in slow-mo)
Eager to please, Vinnie seems apologetic that he can't move
Lest we believe that this slam was an aberration, Vinnie endured two similar slams during the later stages of the match. Note: This Black Dragon performs at indie pro wrestling events in an environment where injuries are de rigueur -- he himself recently received a concussion -- and young grapplers in particular are expected to "pay their dues." Case in point is a 2012 Magnum Pro Wrestling show in Iowa, during which 16-year-old Ryan Kidd was brutalized by 16-year veteran Tony Kozina. According to a description of the match, Kozina "acts like the entire match is a joke for the first few minutes before hitting Kidd (a wrestler who had only been alive as long as Kozina had been in the business, mind you) with several stiff throws, piledrivers and full-contact kicks before locking in an unprotected headscissors, resulting in Kidd legitimately being choked into unconsciousness." Like Vinnie, Ryan Kidd gamely continued on with the performance as long as he could. Here's a video of the encounter...
(It should be noted that Ryan is still a teenager and still wrestling, despite that horrid experience. You can "like" Ryan's Facebook page here. There are also Ryan Kidd interviews from 2012 posted on YouTube, so you can see just who it was that Kozina chose to bully.)
Getting back to the destruction of Vinnie, a modified half Boston crab wasn't punishment enough, so the Dragon reverted to a familiar below-the-belt grab -- a maneuver designed to both hurt and humiliate an opponent.
Yes, the kind of maneuver that would get anyone kicked out of a legitimate fed -- and a few illegitimate ones -- but UCW is undergoing a Golden Age for Heels. Certainly, co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews, anti-bullying crusader and moral compass for the company, would never speak casually about such tactics or utilize them himself...
...and we wonder why UCW is losing their best "faces." Also, why cast doubt on Shane's character? Has Shane ever tag teamed with Quinn Harper? You know, when that Bel-Air prep first debuted in UCW, I worried about the jealousy he'd arouse (something similar happened to Johnny, when his popularity eclipsed Eli's). However, I didn't expect the Shane Saunders envy to come from a UCW owner.
Despite the wayward drift of UCW, Vinnie seems determined to succeed in the federation, and match #395 is no squash. Eli's protegee holds his own against the Dragon even after enduring cannibalism. (By the 1:33 mark, this rabid beast has already bitten Vincent in the buttocks, and it later sinks its fangs into Eli.) Vincent utilizes certain strategies that you typically see in high school matches (no surprise, since Eli was a top HS wrestler in Pennsylvania).
Vinnie loves making eye contact with the camera
Of course, when Eli was present during this match, it was often fun and games for the two childhood friends.
"Welcome to America, biotch."
"If you can say please get off me in perfect English, I'd be more than happy to."
"Japan muscle? You ever heard of built Ford tough?"
This match was not reviewed by Ringside at Skull Island, probably because of the countless xenophobic wisecracks uttered by Eli (much to the amusement of his sidekick in the red, white, and blue trunks). Sure, this Black Dragon is a roughneck, nationalistic American himself who's in on the joke, but I knew that wouldn't matter to Blogger Joe. I almost made some snide remark about "Miss Political Correctness," but then I read Joe's most recent blog entry, entitled, "Finisher."
Yes, it's true, ladies and gentlemen. Joe is finally calling it quits -- and no, I'm not happy about it. I don't suppose Joe ever really gave a damn about what I've written in this blog...but if any of my quips played even a minor role in Joe's decision, I feel guilty about that.
The fact is that I've always had immense respect for Joe as a reviewer, although I never let on to that fact. It's my nature to play the devil's advocate, and Joe gave me plenty of fodder for my own articles. As a matter of fact, if Joe hadn't pissed me off to such a degree when he reviewed match #336 then I would have never started writing about UCW. In a very real sense, if there had been no Ringside at Skull Island, there would be no Old Freddie Young's Blog.
Joe, if you read this, I hope you reconsider. You have a very rare gift of eloquence and the fact that you used that talent to promote the underground wrestling scene was special. You're providing us with a very valuable service and if we haven't always shown our appreciation -- well, I hope it's not too late.
At any rate, the Vincent Stone & Eli Black vs. Black Dragon match is video #395, and it's available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Let's support UCW and show our gratitude toward the guys who give us this gift.
I viewed this match three nights ago, right before bedtime, and it gave me insomnia. I was almost going to post on Facebook, "Watched UCW-Wrestling match #387 and now so full of hate that I can't sleep," but I didn't feel like discussing UCW at all, not even in a negative light. Originally, I was going to simply entitle this blog entry, "UCW Sucks," but thankfully I recalled an old Rolling Stones tune that can be used to more articulately describe my discouragement.
Do yourselves a favor and click "play" on that video. That's Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones appearing on the BBC, back when Old Freddie was a seven-year-old kid in second grade -- and I derive enormous satisfaction that Mick and the boys are still alive and kicking today, haven't missed a beat, and are even performing that same song on their current concert tour. (Of course, the exception is Brian Jones, the blond haired kid with mutton chop sideburns who seems stoned out of his skull in the above vid. The cameraman avoids focusing upon him until the last few minutes, when Brian starts staring at fascinating hallucinations on the ceiling and Keith starts laughing at him.) No comment concerning the wild and uninhibited dance moves from the 1960's white kids in the audience, but Jagger (the Baryshnikov of Rock) was an aberration even then. The Stones always had an edge and were great entertainers, while the Beatles were boring-ass mediocrities who were simply in the right place at the right time (including, and especially Paul McCartney -- Kanye fans take note).
No, this isn't a music blog (or an astrology blog, Danny Sticks) but this song sums up my disgust toward UCW Wrestling after match #387 and renews my resolution to quit blogging about that wayward fed: "Well, I told you once and I told you twice / But you never listen to my advice / Don't try very hard to please me / With what you know, it should be easy."
Actually, UCW seemed on the verge of getting back on the right track, almost in spite of itself. Eli Black, the thuggish misanthrope who had dominated the federation since I began blogging, suddenly started to turn human before our very eyes (it was almost as if Bodyslam and Axel -- both huge Doctor Who fans -- had decided to produce videos with a sci-fi component). Due perhaps to newfound romance in his personal life -- or whatever reason -- Eli has been "poised," "sunny," and even "positively radiant" (Ringside at Skull Island's terminology, and for once Blogger Joe nailed it) during his last several UCW appearances.
Then Eli, who drove My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) out of UCW and perpetrated the Swarthmore Screwjob on Jax Briggs, redeemed himself by bringing childhood pal Vincent Stone (UCW's hottest piece of eye candy since Jax) into the fed. Seeing Eli interact with Vincent in UCW videos is like watching Dallas Winston demonstrate tenderness toward Johnny Cade in "The Outsiders." (In recent email correspondence, Vincent told me, "Eli is a good friend and sweet to me and my family. Just want you to know.")
With UCW showcasing a more complex, multidimensional Eli Black and his hugely appealing protege, one had cause to be optimistic about the federation's future. Still, there was a snake remaining in Eden -- Quinn Harper, who has exerted huge influence on UCW (both on camera and behind-the-scenes) for quite some time. The "Inside Scoop" video blogs parodying Harper's mesmerizing mind-control over UCW founder Michael Bodyslam were right on the mark, and even co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews lost his moral compass, tarnishing his heroic UCW persona when he became Harper's tag team partner.
The photo at the top of this page is from the very beginning of match #387. Michael Bodyslam is tersely explaining that "Quinn Harper has enough wins to take me on" for the UCW All-Star Championship belt. Yes, Quinn Harper, the guy who Eli just dropped as a tag team partner ("You don't satisfy my needs! You don't make me happy! We don't win!"). Note: Ringside at Skull Island's Blogger Joe is famous for his slippery language, but he left very little wriggle-room in a recent blog, calling Quinn a shoo-in for the title.
This is a photo from the very end of match #387 -- Michael Bodyslam as The Lion In Winter (open-heart surgery and bad knee notwithstanding) physically attacking Quinn Harper. No, it's not a spoiler; plenty of action occurs at the end of this video, and Bodyslam's assault is just part of it.
By the way, Danny Sticks (who seems to have replaced Hunter Day as UCW's misguided rookie) serves as referee in this fiasco. At the conclusion of this match, Danny makes it clear that even he wants a different outcome (a sentiment totally out of character with his UCW persona as Harper's tag team partner), prompting Bodyslam to make a disparaging reference to Danny's subversive improv during his closing remarks.
In my review of match #381, I called Quinn a "rabid coyote" in describing his attack on Eli. Judging from Quinn's behavior in match #387, he probably took my remark as a compliment (it sounds similar to "rabid wolverine"). Therefore, let me revise my description -- Quinn resembles a rabid sewer rat in match #387. Fans of Animal Planet will enjoy this video.
Blogger Joe went wild over this match (just read the last four sentences of his review) and still managed to be as offensive as ever (that nameless "wet behind the ears rookie" who gained the UCW Championship was Jax Briggs -- a kid with mad skills who defeated Ethan Axel Andrews in his debut match). Not surprisingly, anything that Blogger Joe loves, Old Freddie hates. Since I am in the habit of rating UCW videos on a scale in which five hugs-and-kisses equals perfection, then match #387 gets zero, zilch, nada -- no love from Old Freddie at all. This video is fascinating in the way that a tragic train wreck is fascinating, and it represents the demise of my favorite underground wrestling fed.
I'm posting the above photo in an attempt to illustrate Quinn's physical condition at the end of match #387. Quinn has an injured knee and the makings of a black eye, and he's saying, "This is for those of you who think wrestling isn't real." Well, Quinn, I've never been one of those people. I've always believed that UCW represents reality in all of ugliness, as I made clear in my review of the Jax Briggs vs. Eli Black debacle (match #361, the only UCW presentation more disheartening than this one).
Here's some advice to Bodyslam (especially) and you too, Ethan. You guys are not running an adult entertainment website. I watched Quinn's reaction to the "oil-check" reversal in match #387, and that scene reached new levels of creepiness. I almost ran a photo of that "wrestling maneuver" but I'm not sinking to that level; I'll leave it to the purveyors of "hardboiled wrestling kink" (only Blogger Joe could or would utilize a phrase like "creatively degenerate wrestler" and only Quinn Harper could feel flattered by it). If you want to continue down this path (and I'm also thinking about the "pool stick" segment in match #374), you're defiling a wonderful gift that you gave to us.
As if video #387 (and its ramifications) weren't depressing enough, Vincent told me in his last email: "I guess my next match wasn't any good and I have to train more before I can do more matches, so maybe you could tell Michael to keep using me." You know, it kind of breaks my heart to see this kid's self-esteem being destroyed ("My smile was bad...my next match wasn't any good..." and I haven't forgotten that introductory "Inside Scoop": "I won't make him flex and all that because I just won't embarrass him"). I don't know what gaffes Vincent commits in his next match, but I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love every minute of the video. There are qualities besides technical proficiency that make for an entertaining underground wrestling presentation. On top of that, do you really think that Eli is going to maintain his current high level of enthusiasm for UCW if you reject Vincent?
Here's the deal, Bodyslam and Ethan. If you still want Old Freddie around after this scathing review of your latest offering, then keep Vincent in the federation. Otherwise, I'll just fade away. ("Old bloggers never die. They just fade away." Perez Hilton said that, and that's your history lesson for today.)
This may be the last time.
This may be the last time.
May be the last time, I don't know.
(Video #387 aka "R.I.P. to U.C.W." is available for download here: UCW Wrestling )
Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something appealing, Something appalling, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns; Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
Old situations, New complications, Nothing portentous or polite; Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!
Something convulsive, Something repulsive, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something aesthetic, Something frenetic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Nothing with gods, nothing with fate; Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Nothing that's formal, Nothing that's normal, No recitations to recite; Open up the curtain: Comedy Tonight!
Something erratic, Something dramatic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Frenzy and frolic, Strictly symbolic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight!
Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everybody: Comedy tonight! Something that's gaudy, Something that's bawdy-- Something for everybawdy! Comedy tonight!
Nothing that's grim. Nothing that's Greek. She plays Medea later this week.
Stunning surprises! Cunning disguises! Hundreds of actors out of sight!
Pantaloons and tunics! Courtesans and eunuchs! Funerals and chases! Baritones and basses! Panderers! Philanderers! Cupidity! Timidity! Mistakes! Fakes! Rhymes! Crimes! Tumblers! Grumblers! Bumblers! Fumblers!
No royal curse, no Trojan horse, And a happy ending, of course! Goodness and badness, Panic is madness-- This time it all turns out all right! Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!
UCW Wrestling match #381 begins with a standup comedy routine, the humor of which is derived from the spectacle of macho straight guys parodying gay behavior (something with which Quinn Harper is quite familiar -- yes, very familiar). Eli Black is frolicking with his new tag team partner, Vincent Stone, in the UCW mat room when Quinn Harper (Eli's former tag partner) walks in on them.
ELI (to Quinn): "I didn't want you to find out like this."
QUINN: "Find out like this? It's all over the bathroom stalls! Come on!"
ELI: "Look. Listen. You didn't get the hint? Alright, what happened last time? I back stabbed you. I cheated on you. Take a hint!"
QUINN: "And I'm still here. Take a hint that I'm not going anywhere."
ELI: "What makes you think I'd want to take you back? I went to the length of cheating on you because you suck at being a tag team partner and lost every match. What makes you think I'd want you to stay? You don't satisfy my needs! You don't make me happy! (At that point, Vincent breaks up in laughter.) We don't win. So therefore, yes, I've had to go a different route."
QUINN (pointing at Vincent): "That's not how this is going to go."
ELI: "This is how it's going to go."
QUINN: "There are other people..."
Quinn then beseeches the only other wrestler at the locale, UCW co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews, to be his tag team partner in this match. For some inexplicable reason, Axel agrees to become involved in this asinine domestic squabble.
When I first heard about match #381, I was dismayed by the tag team pairings. An Axel & Vincent vs. Eli & Quinn match-up would be a classic "face vs. heel" encounter (and I wouldn't be troubled by divided loyalties). Via their Facebook page, UCW posted this message to me: "Axel says to watch the match, and you will approve and understand everything, Freddie Young."
In actuality, I don't think that even Axel approves of these alliances. At the start of this match, Ethan tells Vince, "Sorry I'm going to have to beat on you but hey, after we kick your asses, why don't you just drop him (pointing to Eli) and come train with me? You need to forget this guy, too (pointing to Quinn)."
I think Ethan listens to me (he's still wearing the same wrestling gear that I praised in my review of match #374), so let me just say this. Don't be influenced by "heel blogger" Joe from "Ringside at Skull Island." Joe may fantasize about "shuffling off this mortal coil" in the arms of some dastardly brute, but that's not your role, Ethan. When Blogger Joe starts getting excited about how "commanding and tough" you are and begins fawning over your "convincing sneer," then you know that you're heading down the wrong path.
Speaking of Blogger Joe, even a broken clock is correct once every twelve hours, and Joe had a moment recently. Joe raved about Eli's "sunny" disposition in his review of match #379. I thought Eli was just thrilled to have Pvt. Jack back from the military, but Eli continues to be "radiant" (Joe's phraseology again) in this tag team encounter. I think Joe must have some inside info concerning Eli's personal life.
Early in this video, Eli taunts Ethan with, "That's right, Axel, be a f*cking bully, baby." The line is delivered passionately, and Ethan seems taken aback. At first, those words seemed hypocritical, coming from Eli. However, as the match progresses, Eli's message gains credibility.
Like a science fiction film, this video presents us with an Eli Black who is becoming human before our very eyes. In match #381, Eli is not the one-dimensional personification of evil who destroyed My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep almost a year ago (and Johnny himself told me that Axel's partner Quinn Harper, not Eli, was actually "the worst guy" in UCW). Eli now seems more complex, no longer beyond redemption -- while Axel seems to be sinking to "heel" level.
Is all this really necessary?
As for newcomer Vincent Stone, he's positively adorable (even if he is slow at answering his fan mail). At the very start of this match, after a stunning display of razzle-dazzle choreography, Vincent finds himself in control of Quinn Harper via the proficient utilization of a Boston Crab. Vince looks right into the camera lens (an unusual and endearing habit of his) with a proud, "hey, look at me" expression.
From a standpoint of structure, this is a pretty loose production (as one might expect from a UCW tag match with no referee). Spontaneity takes precedence over precision and there are plenty of stumbles and bumbles along the way. For example, at the 9:30 mark, Ethan almost inadvertently pins Vince. The rookie can't kick out and Eli can't make the save in time. In order to produce a match of marketable length, Quinn is forced to interfere on his opponent's behalf.
Despite the gratuitous, over-the-top violence done to Eli during a portion of this presentation, match #381 is basically a lighthearted romp. Ethan insisted that Vincent be given a free pass during most of this video (except for an unfortunate instance near the end, which we'll discuss later). As a result, Vince makes mischief with impunity. For example, when Vince puts Axel in a surfboard, he places his right foot in an inappropriate spot (this titillates Quinn, who admits to having "mixed feelings" about the maneuver).
Oh -- and Vince is staring at the camera again.
Vince does receive some comeuppance, though, and he takes his bumps like a trooper. While sandwiched in the middle of a double bearhug, Vince can see Quinn positioning himself to deliver a low blow, but there's nothing that the hotboy can do to prevent it.
Now, once again, I must take exception to a remark that Blogger Joe made in his review of this match. Joe is always far more glib than insightful, but when he says, "Quinn specially targets his young, doomed-looking replacement, Vincent," I have to wonder if Joe even watched this video.
Both Quinn and Ethan target Eli in match #381. It's all fun and games for Vincent up until the troubling 26:45 mark (which, once again, we will discuss later). For example, here's "doomed-looking" Vincent seemingly having the time of his life (and this is not atypical of most of the action in this match).
At the 10:44 mark, Eli prepares to deliver his patented finishing move, the Shutdown, on Axel. Eli remarks, "It's a little early, but what the hell." Then Eli says to Vincent, "Do you want to smack his ass for good luck?" Vince is happy to oblige.
However, Eli isn't satisfied. "Oh, I think you should do it a little bit harder," Eli tells Vince. This time, Axel yelps.
Now we'll discuss the last seven minutes of this video (the part that Blogger Joe may have actually watched). After quite a bit of opportunistic aggressiveness on the part of Vincent, Quinn begins to yell at Axel from his corner, "Axel, I'm trying to play your game, but I want to play my game, dude. Give me permission to be me. Axel! Give me permission to be me!"
This is a pivotal point in the match, and maybe in Axel's UCW career as well. I was hoping -- even expecting -- that Axel would respond with a remark like, "No, Quinn, he's just a kid." Instead, Axel acquiesces, turning Quinn loose on Vincent. It's a sop to the sadists in the audience, and it will sell some videos, but Axel willingly permits the tactics that he has always claimed to oppose. Quinn dives out of his corner and lands on Vincent, pummeling the rookie with closed fists.
Toward the end of the video, Axel will rather lamely attempt to characterize a smile from Vincent as evidence of a betrayal. In fact, the real betrayal occurs at the 26:45 mark, when Ethan betrays his own principles. As Quinn's attack continues, close-up camera work captures Vincent's facial expressions.
Seemingly on purpose (and perhaps due to guilt), Ethan creates a break in the action. "Quinn, are you the legal man or am I?" Ethan calls out, suddenly objecting to the presence of all four wrestlers on the mat. (Seconds earlier, Ethan had been looking over his shoulder at the action between Quinn and Vincent.)
"It doesn't even matter anymore," Quinn blurts out.
However, Ethan is adamant. "Wait. He's the legal man, isn't he?" Axel asks, pointing to Vincent. "Or is Eli? Who am I supposed to pin? Him or him?"
A befuddled Quinn releases Vincent and the kid grins. Vincent looks to the cameraman, seeming certain that there will be a cut in the filming.
However, the cameras continue to roll and, thankfully, this fascinating portion of the match remains in the video. Both Vincent and Ethan are completely out of character, but they attempt to go through a few motions pertaining to pro wrestling.
After several seconds of giggling by Vincent and Ethan, Quinn barks out, "Eli is legal!" and Vincent retreats to his corner. A few minutes later, the match's climactic moment occurs. I won't tell you which team wins (Bodyslam hates when I do that), but I will say that the match reaches its conclusion right after an edit, so there's no telling what actually led up to this action. No one seems to completely understand exactly what happened, or why.
One thing can be said with certainty. Vincent Stone is the hottest piece of eye candy featured in a UCW production in quite some time. However, even without Vincent, this would be a memorable video. The use of improvisation in match #381 allows us to glimpse the actual personalities of the wrestlers.
In the final scene of this video, we see Eli Black pantomiming the wiping away of tears. Is Eli being sarcastic or is he expressing genuine regret? Match #381 is open to interpretation on many levels, and the UCW personae are presented in a nuanced manner. I give this match a rating of XOXOXOXOX -- four and a half hugs and kisses out of a possible five (about as close to perfection -- match #336 -- as you can get).
A message on the UCW Wrestling website reads, "We at UCW-Wrestling are proud to bring you the best young wrestlers (that's us!) in hot, high-energy wrestling action. We are trained performers and skilled athletes who enjoy putting on a show that pleases you, our home viewing audience."
Well, you guys succeeded quite well with match #381. It's currently available for download at the UCW Wrestling website on this page. Something for everyone. Enjoy.
UCW match #325 is the one and only time that Johnny Deep (at the callow age of 19) fought Quinn Harper. Johnny battled his brutal rival, Eli Black, three times in singles matches (#354, #336, #264) plus once in a tag team encounter (in addition to the impromptu scrapping during match #332). Johnny grappled with federation co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews three times (#295, #277, #269) in regularly released presentations, and once in a "lost video" (a private, custom match which was eventually edited and marketed to the public -- #316). By contrast, during Johnny's lengthy tenure at UCW, the young man avoided Quinn Harper like a plague after this lone match was taped.
Quinn Harper is also the only wrestler that Johnny singled out to me in a negative manner, back in the days when we corresponded (before I sent Johnny a birthday gift and federation co-owner Michael Bodyslam intervened, explaining to me as diplomatically as possible that Johnny was having difficulty handling all the attention he was receiving from me, and specifically requesting that I no longer send Johnny links to my blog entries).
I almost quit blogging altogether after that, until Jax Briggs came along and temporarily bolstered my spirits. I put Johnny out of my mind as best I could and never viewed his infamous encounter with Quinn Harper -- until two nights ago.
The match wasn't what I expected, in many respects. Of course, I had only Ringside at Skull Island's gleeful description of Johnny's suffering ("Johnny is the mischievous pretty-boy...whoop his vanilla ass...") to help formulate my expectations. Since Blogger Joe and I never agree on anything -- especially what constitutes male beauty -- it's no surprise that he and I would view this match from wildly differing perspectives. Joe doesn't even consider Johnny attractive. Joe's masculine ideal is a bearded brute with WWE aspirations named Big Sexy -- the kind of Neanderthal who would knock Joe out with a club, grab a handful of the gentleman's greying locks, and drag him back to his cave for a well-deserved ravishing.
Whenever I watch a UCW match, I focus on the reality behind the theatrics -- the actual interpersonal dynamic that occurs during these 30-minute S&M improvs. I pay especially close attention to the verbal exchanges and I relate them to what I already know about the two antagonists' personalities. In the case of match #325, I want to know why Johnny came away from the experience considering Quinn Harper to be "the worst guy" in UCW. In short, I want to figure out what makes My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) tick.
As soon as this video begins, before the graphics even disappear, there's evidence of a personality clash in the making. Johnny is exhibiting his brashest, most smart-Alec behavior (probably to camouflage his discomfiture) while Quinn is typically sardonic. (I almost entitled this entry, "The Insolent vs. The Embittered" until I came across that appropriate old Irish Rovers tune.)
Johnny is almost manic in his reckless mockery of Quinn and his cardboard-and-duck-tape "championship belt." In tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and hand gestures, Johnny reminds me of an old classmate of mine during my junior high / high school days -- a prettyboy who deliberately antagonized bullies and frequently paid the price for his irrepressible sarcasm (needless to say, I loved him to the point of obsession).
Yes, this is the same adolescent who, according to Michael Bodyslam, is "shy about his body" -- exhibiting teenage bravado toward Quinn Harper as he stands there in his yellow speedo with the cameras rolling.
Quinn is scary. I'm a middle aged man (nearly a senior citizen) and Quinn gives me the willies, so I can imagine what effect he's having on Johnny. On top of Quinn's typically aggressive, macho biker persona, he's betraying evidence of a latent gay streak which makes him even creepier.
Johnny is clearly going for broke with the rapid-fire insults, and he immediately succeeds in pushing Quinn's buttons by calling him an "old man." Instinctively, Quinn's lips curl and his sadistic smile becomes even more grotesque. For the rest of the video, Quinn (who has always been self-conscious about being the oldest member of the UCW roster) will reference this personal slight incessantly.
Quinn uses the phrase "when you were getting your ass changed" (a more vulgar variation of "when you were getting your diapers changed") to point out Johnny's relative immaturity, and Johnny's reaction is both innocent and coquettish. Quinn seems giddy with lust as he observes Johnny's performance.
Johnny is genuinely, legitimately worried about tying up with Quinn when the bell rings and the banter is finished. Whenever Quinn feigns an attack move, Johnny takes a step backward. Eventually, Johnny finds himself trapped in a corner.
"I've got you in a corner. Are you a little worried?" Quinn ridicules. "Come on, come on. I'll let you out. You a little scared?"
Johnny plays off his trepidation by continuing to grin broadly. Later in the match, Quinn will label Johnny, "an old man's plaything" in a game of cat-and-mouse.
When Johnny finally dares to half-heartedly attempt a wrestling maneuver (still grinning), Quinn slams Johnny to the mat with unexpected force and scrunches the kid up like an accordion. The back pain wipes the grin off Johnny's face and he does very little smiling for the remainder of this encounter.
This match is basically a conflict on two different levels. First off, we have the ire of a grizzled, mature man who was disrespected by a teenage wise guy. Secondly, we have the undeniable homosexual sadism in an individual who passes for straight in mainstream, indy wrestling circles. Sure, Quinn Harper may seem like any hell-raising, patriotic, blue-collar roughneck outside UCW. However, inside UCW, Quinn has ratcheted up the S&M sleaze factor to unprecedented levels. Nobody forced (or even advised) Quinn to behave in such a manner; what we see during UCW presentations is simply Quinn being Quinn. In Quinn's own words, he "wrecks prettyboys," and that's how he gets his jollies.
In match #325, Quinn utilizes his repugnant Oil Check "wrestling maneuver" on Johnny -- not once, but twice. On the second occasion, Quinn has Johnny positioned in such a manner that he makes the kid observe the lead-up to his own humiliation. Quinn even tries to make Johnny lick his thumb in preparation for the attack. I won't be featuring photos of this segment, because this blog isn't "hardboiled wrestling kink" and it's not about to feature any warnings for "unsuitable content." (By the same token, UCW Wrestling isn't an age-restricted, adult entertainment site like BG East -- Bodyslam and Ethan, take note.)
As for Johnny -- please keep in mind that Johnny is a jock, and he has a jock's mentality. Johnny's character was forged on lacrosse fields and on wrestling mats at high school tournaments. As a result, Johnny has developed a stoic personality; he doesn't allow himself to display vulnerability. Johnny is a tough, traditionally masculine young man (and no, Blogger Joe -- "tough prettyboy" isn't an oxymoron).
Due to Johnny's innate stoicism, "selling" runs contrary to his nature. (That's not to say that Johnny didn't sell videos for UCW; Johnny was a hugely popular wrestler, and his lengthy absence from the fed has to be a financial blow to the company.) "Selling," as it applies in this context, is a wrestling term which means being very demonstrative and extroverted when you are experiencing pain (even to the point of exaggeration, as long as you don't jeopardize your credibility in doing so). Johnny doesn't "sell" -- in this match, or in any other of his UCW appearances. When Quinn applies painful holds (clawing Johnny's pectoral muscles, for example), Quinn actually does most of the yelling, drowning out Johnny's low-key reactions.
The above photo captures Johnny's initial reaction of surprise when he first experiences the unexpected twinge in his right pec. Within seconds, however, Johnny was coping with the discomfort and doing his best to appear nonchalant, as unwilling to exhibit physical pain as he is loathe to show fear or embarrassment.
Ethan Axel Andrews candidly revealed to me that he will seriously hurt opponents who aren't "selling" to his satisfaction. Of course, Ethan and Bodyslam make a living by marketing UCW videos, but Quinn appeared frustrated by Johnny's stoicism on a more personal level. At one point, in an apparent homage to Dahmer-style cannibalism, Quinn actually dives in and bites -- yes, bites -- Johnny's groin area. Johnny screams and seems truly agonized afterward. Given Johnny's ability to shrug off injuries, this segment is troubling. In a UCW career typified by acts of sexual sadism, Quinn has reached a new low.
I am in a quandary deciding how to rate this video, considering Johnny's reaction to it. It's quite possible that Johnny didn't really experience the full impact of this match until he reviewed the tape. Quinn's actions, outrageous and repugnant in and of themselves, become even more reprehensible in the context of his onscreen remarks. Quinn gloats about Johnny's victimization, reveling in his role as predator. The substance of match #325 is horrid, but the style in which it's presented puts it over the top, even by UCW standards.
When I suggested to Johnny that Eli Black was UCW's main problem, Johnny was adamant about correcting my misconception. "Eli isn't the worst guy out there," Johnny informed me. Then Johnny went on to say that he'd rather get "slammed into a chair" (Eli's knockout move in match #336) than have to deal with Harper.
As I mentioned, this match was reviewed by "Ringside at Skull Island" when it was first released. With typical insouciance, Blogger Joe smirkingly entitles his review "Handicapped," and you can read it here:
Ringside at Skull Island: Handicapped: In a strange (but, as it turns out, clever) matchup, UCW pits Quinn Harper and Johnny Deep against each other...
Remember, this is match #325, available for download here at the UCW Wrestling site. Right now, this video is on this page, but it may be moved in the future. (Just keep clicking on the "More Videos" links and hopefully you'll find it.)
"I swear to God, you better quit. This old man will rip your arm right the hell off and I will beat you with it."
