UCW match #325 is the one and only time that Johnny Deep (at the callow age of 19) fought Quinn Harper. Johnny battled his brutal rival, Eli Black, three times in singles matches (#354, #336, #264) plus once in a tag team encounter (in addition to the impromptu scrapping during match #332). Johnny grappled with federation co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews three times (#295, #277, #269) in regularly released presentations, and once in a "lost video" (a private, custom match which was eventually edited and marketed to the public -- #316). By contrast, during Johnny's lengthy tenure at UCW, the young man avoided Quinn Harper like a plague after this lone match was taped.
Quinn Harper is also the only wrestler that Johnny singled out to me in a negative manner, back in the days when we corresponded (before I sent Johnny a birthday gift and federation co-owner Michael Bodyslam intervened, explaining to me as diplomatically as possible that Johnny was having difficulty handling all the attention he was receiving from me, and specifically requesting that I no longer send Johnny links to my blog entries).
I almost quit blogging altogether after that, until Jax Briggs came along and temporarily bolstered my spirits. I put Johnny out of my mind as best I could and never viewed his infamous encounter with Quinn Harper -- until two nights ago.
The match wasn't what I expected, in many respects. Of course, I had only Ringside at Skull Island's gleeful description of Johnny's suffering ("Johnny is the mischievous pretty-boy...whoop his vanilla ass...") to help formulate my expectations. Since Blogger Joe and I never agree on anything -- especially what constitutes male beauty -- it's no surprise that he and I would view this match from wildly differing perspectives. Joe doesn't even consider Johnny attractive. Joe's masculine ideal is a bearded brute with WWE aspirations named Big Sexy -- the kind of Neanderthal who would knock Joe out with a club, grab a handful of the gentleman's greying locks, and drag him back to his cave for a well-deserved ravishing.
Whenever I watch a UCW match, I focus on the reality behind the theatrics -- the actual interpersonal dynamic that occurs during these 30-minute S&M improvs. I pay especially close attention to the verbal exchanges and I relate them to what I already know about the two antagonists' personalities. In the case of match #325, I want to know why Johnny came away from the experience considering Quinn Harper to be "the worst guy" in UCW. In short, I want to figure out what makes My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) tick.
As soon as this video begins, before the graphics even disappear, there's evidence of a personality clash in the making. Johnny is exhibiting his brashest, most smart-Alec behavior (probably to camouflage his discomfiture) while Quinn is typically sardonic. (I almost entitled this entry, "The Insolent vs. The Embittered" until I came across that appropriate old Irish Rovers tune.)
Johnny is almost manic in his reckless mockery of Quinn and his cardboard-and-duck-tape "championship belt." In tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and hand gestures, Johnny reminds me of an old classmate of mine during my junior high / high school days -- a prettyboy who deliberately antagonized bullies and frequently paid the price for his irrepressible sarcasm (needless to say, I loved him to the point of obsession).
Yes, this is the same adolescent who, according to Michael Bodyslam, is "shy about his body" -- exhibiting teenage bravado toward Quinn Harper as he stands there in his yellow speedo with the cameras rolling.
Quinn is scary. I'm a middle aged man (nearly a senior citizen) and Quinn gives me the willies, so I can imagine what effect he's having on Johnny. On top of Quinn's typically aggressive, macho biker persona, he's betraying evidence of a latent gay streak which makes him even creepier.
Johnny is clearly going for broke with the rapid-fire insults, and he immediately succeeds in pushing Quinn's buttons by calling him an "old man." Instinctively, Quinn's lips curl and his sadistic smile becomes even more grotesque. For the rest of the video, Quinn (who has always been self-conscious about being the oldest member of the UCW roster) will reference this personal slight incessantly.
Quinn uses the phrase "when you were getting your ass changed" (a more vulgar variation of "when you were getting your diapers changed") to point out Johnny's relative immaturity, and Johnny's reaction is both innocent and coquettish. Quinn seems giddy with lust as he observes Johnny's performance.
Johnny is genuinely, legitimately worried about tying up with Quinn when the bell rings and the banter is finished. Whenever Quinn feigns an attack move, Johnny takes a step backward. Eventually, Johnny finds himself trapped in a corner.
"I've got you in a corner. Are you a little worried?" Quinn ridicules. "Come on, come on. I'll let you out. You a little scared?"
Johnny plays off his trepidation by continuing to grin broadly. Later in the match, Quinn will label Johnny, "an old man's plaything" in a game of cat-and-mouse.
When Johnny finally dares to half-heartedly attempt a wrestling maneuver (still grinning), Quinn slams Johnny to the mat with unexpected force and scrunches the kid up like an accordion. The back pain wipes the grin off Johnny's face and he does very little smiling for the remainder of this encounter.
This match is basically a conflict on two different levels. First off, we have the ire of a grizzled, mature man who was disrespected by a teenage wise guy. Secondly, we have the undeniable homosexual sadism in an individual who passes for straight in mainstream, indy wrestling circles. Sure, Quinn Harper may seem like any hell-raising, patriotic, blue-collar roughneck outside UCW. However, inside UCW, Quinn has ratcheted up the S&M sleaze factor to unprecedented levels. Nobody forced (or even advised) Quinn to behave in such a manner; what we see during UCW presentations is simply Quinn being Quinn. In Quinn's own words, he "wrecks prettyboys," and that's how he gets his jollies.
In match #325, Quinn utilizes his repugnant Oil Check "wrestling maneuver" on Johnny -- not once, but twice. On the second occasion, Quinn has Johnny positioned in such a manner that he makes the kid observe the lead-up to his own humiliation. Quinn even tries to make Johnny lick his thumb in preparation for the attack. I won't be featuring photos of this segment, because this blog isn't "hardboiled wrestling kink" and it's not about to feature any warnings for "unsuitable content." (By the same token, UCW Wrestling isn't an age-restricted, adult entertainment site like BG East -- Bodyslam and Ethan, take note.)
As for Johnny -- please keep in mind that Johnny is a jock, and he has a jock's mentality. Johnny's character was forged on lacrosse fields and on wrestling mats at high school tournaments. As a result, Johnny has developed a stoic personality; he doesn't allow himself to display vulnerability. Johnny is a tough, traditionally masculine young man (and no, Blogger Joe -- "tough prettyboy" isn't an oxymoron).
Due to Johnny's innate stoicism, "selling" runs contrary to his nature. (That's not to say that Johnny didn't sell videos for UCW; Johnny was a hugely popular wrestler, and his lengthy absence from the fed has to be a financial blow to the company.) "Selling," as it applies in this context, is a wrestling term which means being very demonstrative and extroverted when you are experiencing pain (even to the point of exaggeration, as long as you don't jeopardize your credibility in doing so). Johnny doesn't "sell" -- in this match, or in any other of his UCW appearances. When Quinn applies painful holds (clawing Johnny's pectoral muscles, for example), Quinn actually does most of the yelling, drowning out Johnny's low-key reactions.
The above photo captures Johnny's initial reaction of surprise when he first experiences the unexpected twinge in his right pec. Within seconds, however, Johnny was coping with the discomfort and doing his best to appear nonchalant, as unwilling to exhibit physical pain as he is loathe to show fear or embarrassment.
Ethan Axel Andrews candidly revealed to me that he will seriously hurt opponents who aren't "selling" to his satisfaction. Of course, Ethan and Bodyslam make a living by marketing UCW videos, but Quinn appeared frustrated by Johnny's stoicism on a more personal level. At one point, in an apparent homage to Dahmer-style cannibalism, Quinn actually dives in and bites -- yes, bites -- Johnny's groin area. Johnny screams and seems truly agonized afterward. Given Johnny's ability to shrug off injuries, this segment is troubling. In a UCW career typified by acts of sexual sadism, Quinn has reached a new low.
I am in a quandary deciding how to rate this video, considering Johnny's reaction to it. It's quite possible that Johnny didn't really experience the full impact of this match until he reviewed the tape. Quinn's actions, outrageous and repugnant in and of themselves, become even more reprehensible in the context of his onscreen remarks. Quinn gloats about Johnny's victimization, reveling in his role as predator. The substance of match #325 is horrid, but the style in which it's presented puts it over the top, even by UCW standards.
When I suggested to Johnny that Eli Black was UCW's main problem, Johnny was adamant about correcting my misconception. "Eli isn't the worst guy out there," Johnny informed me. Then Johnny went on to say that he'd rather get "slammed into a chair" (Eli's knockout move in match #336) than have to deal with Harper.
Quinn Harper is also the only wrestler that Johnny singled out to me in a negative manner, back in the days when we corresponded (before I sent Johnny a birthday gift and federation co-owner Michael Bodyslam intervened, explaining to me as diplomatically as possible that Johnny was having difficulty handling all the attention he was receiving from me, and specifically requesting that I no longer send Johnny links to my blog entries).
I almost quit blogging altogether after that, until Jax Briggs came along and temporarily bolstered my spirits. I put Johnny out of my mind as best I could and never viewed his infamous encounter with Quinn Harper -- until two nights ago.
The match wasn't what I expected, in many respects. Of course, I had only Ringside at Skull Island's gleeful description of Johnny's suffering ("Johnny is the mischievous pretty-boy...whoop his vanilla ass...") to help formulate my expectations. Since Blogger Joe and I never agree on anything -- especially what constitutes male beauty -- it's no surprise that he and I would view this match from wildly differing perspectives. Joe doesn't even consider Johnny attractive. Joe's masculine ideal is a bearded brute with WWE aspirations named Big Sexy -- the kind of Neanderthal who would knock Joe out with a club, grab a handful of the gentleman's greying locks, and drag him back to his cave for a well-deserved ravishing.
Whenever I watch a UCW match, I focus on the reality behind the theatrics -- the actual interpersonal dynamic that occurs during these 30-minute S&M improvs. I pay especially close attention to the verbal exchanges and I relate them to what I already know about the two antagonists' personalities. In the case of match #325, I want to know why Johnny came away from the experience considering Quinn Harper to be "the worst guy" in UCW. In short, I want to figure out what makes My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) tick.
As soon as this video begins, before the graphics even disappear, there's evidence of a personality clash in the making. Johnny is exhibiting his brashest, most smart-Alec behavior (probably to camouflage his discomfiture) while Quinn is typically sardonic. (I almost entitled this entry, "The Insolent vs. The Embittered" until I came across that appropriate old Irish Rovers tune.)
Johnny is almost manic in his reckless mockery of Quinn and his cardboard-and-duck-tape "championship belt." In tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and hand gestures, Johnny reminds me of an old classmate of mine during my junior high / high school days -- a prettyboy who deliberately antagonized bullies and frequently paid the price for his irrepressible sarcasm (needless to say, I loved him to the point of obsession).
Quinn is scary. I'm a middle aged man (nearly a senior citizen) and Quinn gives me the willies, so I can imagine what effect he's having on Johnny. On top of Quinn's typically aggressive, macho biker persona, he's betraying evidence of a latent gay streak which makes him even creepier.
Johnny is clearly going for broke with the rapid-fire insults, and he immediately succeeds in pushing Quinn's buttons by calling him an "old man." Instinctively, Quinn's lips curl and his sadistic smile becomes even more grotesque. For the rest of the video, Quinn (who has always been self-conscious about being the oldest member of the UCW roster) will reference this personal slight incessantly.
Quinn uses the phrase "when you were getting your ass changed" (a more vulgar variation of "when you were getting your diapers changed") to point out Johnny's relative immaturity, and Johnny's reaction is both innocent and coquettish. Quinn seems giddy with lust as he observes Johnny's performance.
"I've got you in a corner. Are you a little worried?" Quinn ridicules. "Come on, come on. I'll let you out. You a little scared?"
Johnny plays off his trepidation by continuing to grin broadly. Later in the match, Quinn will label Johnny, "an old man's plaything" in a game of cat-and-mouse.
As for Johnny -- please keep in mind that Johnny is a jock, and he has a jock's mentality. Johnny's character was forged on lacrosse fields and on wrestling mats at high school tournaments. As a result, Johnny has developed a stoic personality; he doesn't allow himself to display vulnerability. Johnny is a tough, traditionally masculine young man (and no, Blogger Joe -- "tough prettyboy" isn't an oxymoron).
Ethan Axel Andrews candidly revealed to me that he will seriously hurt opponents who aren't "selling" to his satisfaction. Of course, Ethan and Bodyslam make a living by marketing UCW videos, but Quinn appeared frustrated by Johnny's stoicism on a more personal level. At one point, in an apparent homage to Dahmer-style cannibalism, Quinn actually dives in and bites -- yes, bites -- Johnny's groin area. Johnny screams and seems truly agonized afterward. Given Johnny's ability to shrug off injuries, this segment is troubling. In a UCW career typified by acts of sexual sadism, Quinn has reached a new low.
As I mentioned, this match was reviewed by "Ringside at Skull Island" when it was first released. With typical insouciance, Blogger Joe smirkingly entitles his review "Handicapped," and you can read it here:
Remember, this is match #325, available for download here at the UCW Wrestling site. Right now, this video is on this page, but it may be moved in the future. (Just keep clicking on the "More Videos" links and hopefully you'll find it.)
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| "I swear to God, you better quit. This old man will rip your arm right the hell off and I will beat you with it." |
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