UCW Wrestling's Vincent Stone & Eli Black vs. The Black Dragon: Something Is Wrong Here

     The video posted above is Cashman & West's brilliant "American City Suite" from 1972, back when New York City was going to hell in a handbasket. From the song, it's undeniably clear that Cashman & West possessed a deep, profound love for NYC, and that's why they were so passionate in their critique of Gotham.
     The analogy I'm trying to make is that I love UCW Wrestling and that's why I don't hesitate to voice my own outrage when I see it heading down the wrong path. Rookie after rookie disappears from that federation, and there's a reason for that. (My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep -- still featured on UCW's "active" roster -- was supposed to return to competition after the summer. No one mentioned which summer.)
     The "reason" is the influence of the man behind the mask in video #395. UCW founder Michael Bodyslam is adamant about prohibiting me from identifying whichever wrestler happens to be portraying the Black Dragon in any UCW presentation. For those of you who have difficulty clapping your hands without missing, I won't spoil the intrigue; I'll simply remind everyone that #395's Black Dragon is the wrestler who Johnny considered to be the "worst guy" in the company...the blatant sadist who introduced sleaze to the federation and has a propensity for "wrecking prettyboys"...the manipulative, behind-the-scenes Svengali who has been awarded UCW's top honor.
     The four screen caps posted above the "American City Suite" video illustrate why I will never again be able to despise Eli Black to the degree that I once did. Without giving too much away, I'll just say that those pics depict the result of Eli's cockiness and his proclivity for jumping to conclusions. In this case, Eli sincerely regrets those character flaws, and he's not ashamed to display that regret to Vincent as the cameras are rolling.
     In a typical display of hubris, Eli allowed Vincent to compete alone in UCW for the first time, without the benefit of Eli's supervision and guidance. Of course, Vincent was matched against the wrong opponent to face under such circumstances, and the results were disastrous.
     Prior to Eli's departure, there were several events that foreshadowed this match's outcome. Early on (at the 4:26 mark), the Black Dragon showed utter disregard for the fact that he was wrestling on a thin 1.25" mat over a concrete floor, and bodyslammed Vincent with tremendous force. Vincent seemed amazed by the impact. Unable to move, with the wind knocked out of him, Vincent laughed about his predicament. Eli asked, "You alright, Vinnie?" sounding genuinely concerned. Vincent was unable to answer, but the show must go on, and the video continued without an edit.

Vincent applies a leg scissors but is lifted off the mat...

...then slammed HARD (just watch it in slow-mo)

Eager to please, Vinnie seems apologetic that he can't move

     Lest we believe that this slam was an aberration, Vinnie endured two similar slams during the later stages of the match. Note: This Black Dragon performs at indie pro wrestling events in an environment where injuries are de rigueur -- he himself recently received a concussion -- and young grapplers in particular are expected to "pay their dues." Case in point is a 2012 Magnum Pro Wrestling show in Iowa, during which 16-year-old Ryan Kidd was brutalized by 16-year veteran Tony Kozina. According to a description of the match, Kozina "acts like the entire match is a joke for the first few minutes before hitting Kidd (a wrestler who had only been alive as long as Kozina had been in the business, mind you) with several stiff throws, piledrivers and full-contact kicks before locking in an unprotected headscissors, resulting in Kidd legitimately being choked into unconsciousness." Like Vinnie, Ryan Kidd gamely continued on with the performance as long as he could. Here's a video of the encounter...

     (It should be noted that Ryan is still a teenager and still wrestling, despite that horrid experience. You can "like" Ryan's Facebook page here. There are also Ryan Kidd interviews from 2012 posted on YouTube, so you can see just who it was that Kozina chose to bully.)
     Getting back to the destruction of Vinnie, a modified half Boston crab wasn't punishment enough, so the Dragon reverted to a familiar below-the-belt grab -- a maneuver designed to both hurt and humiliate an opponent.

      Yes, the kind of maneuver that would get anyone kicked out of a legitimate fed -- and a few illegitimate ones -- but UCW is undergoing a Golden Age for Heels. Certainly, co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews, anti-bullying crusader and moral compass for the company, would never speak casually about such tactics or utilize them himself...

     ...and we wonder why UCW is losing their best "faces." Also, why cast doubt on Shane's character? Has Shane ever tag teamed with Quinn Harper? You know, when that Bel-Air prep first debuted in UCW, I worried about the jealousy he'd arouse (something similar happened to Johnny, when his popularity eclipsed Eli's). However, I didn't expect the Shane Saunders envy to come from a UCW owner.
     Despite the wayward drift of UCW, Vinnie seems determined to succeed in the federation, and match #395 is no squash. Eli's protegee holds his own against the Dragon even after enduring cannibalism. (By the 1:33 mark, this rabid beast has already bitten Vincent in the buttocks, and it later sinks its fangs into Eli.) Vincent utilizes certain strategies that you typically see in high school matches (no surprise, since Eli was a top HS wrestler in Pennsylvania).

Vinnie loves making eye contact with the camera

     Of course, when Eli was present during this match, it was often fun and games for the two childhood friends.

"Welcome to America, biotch."

"If you can say please get off me in perfect English, I'd be more than happy to."

"Japan muscle? You ever heard of built Ford tough?"

     This match was not reviewed by Ringside at Skull Island, probably because of the countless xenophobic wisecracks uttered by Eli (much to the amusement of his sidekick in the red, white, and blue trunks). Sure, this Black Dragon is a roughneck, nationalistic American himself who's in on the joke, but I knew that wouldn't matter to Blogger Joe. I almost made some snide remark about "Miss Political Correctness," but then I read Joe's most recent blog entry, entitled, "Finisher."
     Yes, it's true, ladies and gentlemen. Joe is finally calling it quits -- and no, I'm not happy about it. I don't suppose Joe ever really gave a damn about what I've written in this blog...but if any of my quips played even a minor role in Joe's decision, I feel guilty about that.
     The fact is that I've always had immense respect for Joe as a reviewer, although I never let on to that fact. It's my nature to play the devil's advocate, and Joe gave me plenty of fodder for my own articles. As a matter of fact, if Joe hadn't pissed me off to such a degree when he reviewed match #336 then I would have never started writing about UCW. In a very real sense, if there had been no Ringside at Skull Island, there would be no Old Freddie Young's Blog.
     Joe, if you read this, I hope you reconsider. You have a very rare gift of eloquence and the fact that you used that talent to promote the underground wrestling scene was special. You're providing us with a very valuable service and if we haven't always shown our appreciation -- well, I hope it's not too late.
     At any rate, the Vincent Stone & Eli Black vs. Black Dragon match is video #395, and it's available for download here: http://www.ucw-wrestling.com/videolatest2.html. Let's support UCW and show our gratitude toward the guys who give us this gift.

UCW Wrestling's Michael Hannigan vs. Shane Saunders: "Ringside at Skull Island" Sucks

   
     Blogger Joe already reviewed this match. Joe knew that something was happening, but he didn't know what it was.
     Well, you need evil in order to appreciate good, you need "heels" in order to appreciate "faces," and you need Ringside at Skull Island in order to appreciate Old Freddie Young's Blog. Actually, if Joe hadn't pissed me off so much by calling my all-time favorite wrestler, Johnny Deep (MBPJD), a "scumbag," then there would be no Old Freddie Young's Blog at all.
     I posted the above pic to demonstrate a custom which Joe thinks became extinct 50 years ago -- two young men shaking hands before an athletic competition. I don't know who Joe hangs out with or how his "community college disciples" greet each other, and I don't really want to consider the possibilities. My imagination would run wild and lead me down dark avenues I don't want to traverse. Just the fact that Joe described Shane and Michael as "good boys who like hurting other boys, typical boy stuff" gives me the willies.
     On top of pulling the boneheaded move of using the logo on Hannigan's t-shirt* as the title of his review (with no explanation), Joe totally missed the big story behind the release of video #393 -- namely, the fact that UCW Wrestling has monumentally upped their game by producing HQ vids. This 25 minute video is 1.5 GB, a 1440 x 1080 vid with an 8320 kbps bitrate (by contrast, the last UCW video I downloaded, #391, was 40 minutes but only 387 MB, a 768 x 432 vid with a 1987 kbps bitrate). This major improvement in video quality is huge, and I'm flabbergasted that Joe failed to mention it. I'm not overly influenced by a video's (or a photograph's) technical aspects (just give me clear images that celebrate and immortalize examples of male beauty), but many consumers are (some refused to buy old UCW videos because the blue tarp-covered walls weren't "aesthetically pleasing") and this boost in HD quality should significantly boost sales.
     However, I must say that the aspect ratio of this video is slightly skewed (as if a video shot in widescreen [16:9] mode was processed in standard [4:3] mode -- highly possible, since I think Bodyslam and Ethan are using Windows Movie Maker for editing) but that flaw is only obvious in the opening scene, for some reason. At any rate, if you've ever yearned to see Shane Saunders vertically elongated, this vid is for you! (Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself; I promised I'd leave the lewd double-entendres to Ringside.)
     Since Joe gets moist over muscles, it's no surprise that he'd prefer Shane to Michael. However, when Joe describes Shane's "fleshed out" build, he notes Shane's "well-developed legs," seemingly oblivious to the fact that Hannigan's legs are just as muscular. (Shane has it in the "sexy trunk" department, though -- can't deny that.)
     Joe says, "I can't remember seeing Michael this sure of himself ... and talkative," which indicates that the absent-minded professor must have forgotten match #337. It's true that Michael was virtually silent during his recent appearance in match #370, but that was probably due to the intimidating, overbearing, alpha male influence of Joe's buddy, Quinn Harper. (I can just picture Quinn Harper before that match: "Okay, Michael, I hate to say it, but you've got no mic skills whatsoever, so just keep your mouth shut during this match and I'll handle the commentary.")
     Okay, I think I'm finished eviscerating Blogger Joe for now, so let me get on with my impressions of this match.
     Then again, maybe not. Here's Robert Zimmerman again, back when he was young and pretty (your friend Harper would probably want to beat him up), singing your song, Joe. Enjoy.

     There. Got that off my chest. Now where were we...
     Michael Hannigan screwed himself out of the All-Star title when he embraced (wholeheartedly) UCW's "no rules" philosophy as dictated by Bodyslam (and unopposed by Ethan). Therefore, Hannigan was the last decent, virtuous champion to represent the fed, and we've had nothing but monsters ever since (not counting Jax Briggs**, who was simply "given" the title by Eli Black in an ill-conceived scheme designed to put Eli in the record book as UCW's first two-time champion). Hannigan adopting a ruthless, win-at-all-costs attitude runs contrary to who he is, both in UCW and in his personal life (a volunteer firefighter and an all-around likable product of a loving, supportive, tight-knit, blue-collar family).
     In match #393, Hannigan is a "heel," pure and simple. During the intros, Michael (who is known in UCW circles for his sense of humor -- Damien Flawless, himself a stand-up comedian, particularly enjoyed spending time with Hannigan) decides to pose and flex in mockery of Shane "the muscleboy." Shane is so amused by Michael's performance that he momentarily relaxes -- and Hannigan takes that opportunity to cheapshot him.

      Call me old fashioned, but in my day, a pro wrestling "face" would never take advantage of an opponent's injury; such behavior was the exclusive realm of "heels." In match #393, Shane competes with a bandaged right knee and Michael targets it repeatedly (often using a closed fist). As a matter of fact, the moments when Michael is most successful in getting Shane to register on-camera reactions to pain occur when Shane's knee injury is being aggravated.

     Speaking of injuries, Michael is confused about Shane's degree of UCW experience ("Is this your first match? Third? Second?"). Considering UCW's penchant for releasing videos out of order, this may well be Shane's debut. Whatever the case, Shane bears no ugly bruises on his left arm. This leads me to conclude that those black-and-blue marks were inflicted later on by Quinn Harper (in matches #386 and #388, which I haven't yet viewed due to my disgust over Harper's presence).
     Oftentimes it seems as though UCW is clueless as to how to best showcase their stars (that was one of Damien Flawless's primary complaints) and this video features an unforgivable faux pas concerning ring attire. I wouldn't give a damn if UCW had Quinn Harper wrestle in overalls, but putting hot guys like Shane Saunders and Michael Hannigan in shorts that extend to their knees is an outrage. Furthermore, Shane and Michael remain in this unflattering garb until the 14:47 mark, when Shane is stripped down to his Calvins*** (and Michael disrobes from his baggy basketball shorts out of camera range, just to be sociable).

     By the way, The Stripping of Shane Saunders (that should have been the title of this video -- good use of alliteration) occurs when Michael places Shane in bondage -- sort of. Michael is totally inept at the bondage game (he's no Nick Diesel) and Shane manages to unshackle his left wrist in seconds. Shane grins and says, "Shit, you can't even tie a knot, dude! You can't even tie!" This mild chastisement is spoken in such a charming manner, Shane's words would have melted the coldest heart -- but not Michael's, in this pro wrestling "heel" incarnation. Instead of joining Shane in self-deprecating laughter, Hannigan goes on the attack.

     It should also be mentioned that Shane struggled so valiantly to avoid this bondage scene, portions were edited out (and, given what happened to Pvt. Jack Marino in #391, that's totally understandable). It was interesting to see Michael on the other side of a bondage segment; the ab punishment that he endured at the hands of Pedro Espada in match #320 (while trapped in the very same restraints) now seems less unfair. (Note: Certain edits in this video could have been the product of time constraints, including the one I just mentioned. It seems as though UCW wanted a high resolution video of manageable size; most of their prior releases ran longer that 25 minutes.)

     All in all, this is a highly entertaining match. Shane is gorgeous and Michael is technically proficient (able to replicate a lengthy repertoire of WWE-style maneuvers to a "t"). This match gets XOXOXOXO -- four hugs and kisses out of a possible five -- a very high score (especially when you consider the fact that most offerings from other federations would receive a "1" or "2" from Old Freddie). My only gripes are the basketball shorts on the boys during the first half, and the fact that Shane is not lying prone on the mat for even a millisecond (that's when I would usually utilize stop-action playback and enjoy some moments of quiet contemplation).

Shane Saunders, with the most expressive feet in UCW.

     As mentioned (several times), this is video #393 and it's available here in high definition so stark and appealing that you'll think the boys are there in the room with you. Oh, and if you're seeking the antidote to those knee-length shorts, lucky you! If you act now (god, I sound like such a huckster), you can still download match #295 for the bargain price of $5 -- that's perennial hotboy Ethan Axel Andrews versus the sexiest wrestler who ever lived, Johnny Deep (MBPJD) in...jocks!!! Download both #393 and #295 from the same page for under $20 -- and tell them Old Freddie sent you. The best value in gay wrestling today!!!

* I actually found Shane's parrot-decorated t-shirt more interesting, because I suspect that it advertises some L.A. area club and it might provide yet another clue as to Shane's exact birthplace. (I'm still guessing Bel Air, based on Eli's comment in video #384.)
** Also not counting Hunter Day, the misguided young man who didn't hold the title long enough to thank his fans for their support. (Hunter was jumped from behind by Eli Black and strangled until he passed out during his first video blog as champion.)
*** Shane's inspiration for this fashion choice is obvious.

UCW Wrestling's Eli Black vs. Vincent Stone: Is That All There Is?

     Eli Black had me totally hoodwinked at the beginning of this video (UCW match #375). Standing with his arms folded and glaring like a stern storm trooper at debuting rookie Vincent Stone, Eli remained humorless as UCW founder Michael Bodyslam (wearing an "All I Care About Is Wrestling...And Like Maybe 3 People" t-shirt) rattled off a multitude of quips during the introductions.

     Eli seemed to be putting both Vincent and Bodyslam on edge with his sullen demeanor. Then, as soon as Bodyslam walked away from the mat area, what happened was downright touching.

     Yes, Eli Black not only shook hands with his opponent prior to a match, he embraced him. "I'm so happy you're f'n here, bro!" Eli exclaims. "What everybody in UCW didn't know, my boy Vinnie here and me -- I'm not going to say we grew up together because I am just a tad bit older than his young a--, but I'm like a big brother to this little dude right here." The sentiments that Eli expresses (and Vincent's reactions to them) are undeniably genuine.

     Recently, Blogger Joe has taken note of Eli's ebullient on-screen presence in UCW videos. Blogger Joe even went so far as to call Eli "radiant" in his review of match #379 and that telling choice of words caused me to speculate on a possible romance in Eli's personal life when I composed my review of match #381. After all, "Ringside at Skull Island" enjoys the same type of sycophantic relationship with UCW that Fox News has with the GOP, so naturally Blogger Joe would be privy to inside info.
     Romance or not, Eli Black is no longer the one-dimensional villain that he once was. Match #381 ended with Eli imitating the shedding of tears after his offer of a handshake was spurned by both Ethan Axel Andrews and Quinn Harper. This was a particularly poignant gesture, since Eli had been victimized in that match by some ugly violence from Harper (ugly in the sense of a scrap between two predatory beasts -- in this case, it was like watching a young jackal being torn up by a rabid coyote) but was willing to offer congratulations anyway. After the snub, Eli was left forlorn and alone to stew in the juices of his own hubris; Eli's only real friend on the scene, Vincent, had been kicked off the mat (literally) by Eli in a fit of pique just moments earlier.

     There is a concept of "generosity" that is unique to the world of theater. It involves keeping your ego in check and avoiding scene stealing. In extreme cases, it involves deliberately fading into the background and acting as a foil during dialogues, allowing your co-star to shine.
     In pro wrestling, "generosity" comes into play when you sacrifice your own persona's invincibility, allowing your opponent his moments in the spotlight. It's called helping a wrestler to "get over" -- i.e., achieve popularity and credibility among the fans via displays of ring dominance. In match #375, Eli displays generosity above and beyond the call of duty toward Vincent, his boyhood friend making his UCW debut.

     It's the type of generosity that Eli should have displayed toward Jax Briggs, when Jax won the All-Star Championship in match #361, but Eli's total lack of respect for Jax was mind-boggling. My disgust toward Eli (and UCW) reached its peak after that match. It was the type of generosity that all of the UCW wrestlers should have shown toward My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) instead of despising him for his instantaneous popularity and trying to hurt him during matches. (During his lengthy stay in UCW, Johnny was never allowed to experience a single victory -- and guys like Quinn Harper still post Facebook messages to me saying things like "Ya Freddie, why do you always back losers?")
     As was demonstrated in match #381, Vincent has a tendency to smile out of character. As a matter of fact, Vincent and I have corresponded via UCW Fan Mail and Vincent wrote, "My smile was bad and Axel and Eli were mad about that but I couldn't help myself. Some of the stuff said was funny." Well, Vincent, your smile isn't "bad" by any means -- as a matter of fact, it helps to sell videos. When UCW finally posted the link to my last review on their Facebook page, they chose to include this screen cap:

UCW knows a photogenic smile when they see one.

     Also, Ethan has no room to talk, after he incessantly and inappropriately grinned during this Inside Scoop about a UCW All-Star Championship hearing. Here, Vincent -- just click on that link, keep your eyes on Axel throughout the entire video, and you'll feel better about everything.
     At any rate, Eli managed to keep Vincent in character throughout match #375 by inflicting genuine discomfort on the rookie whenever it was Eli's turn to dominate. If you watch those segments utilizing slow motion and stop action, you'll notice the little tell-tale signs of subtle physical contact (a tap on Eli's bicep, a clutching of Eli's hand) indicating that Vincent is being pushed past his threshold of pain, but Eli blithely ignores them. (To be fair, Axel employs the same harsh method acting strategies during his matches; UCW wrestlers are expected to suffer for their art.)

     Since Vincent has been a friend/acquaintance of Eli's since childhood, he is no stranger to the "bullied kid" mentality -- just as the bully shows his toughness via ruthless aggression, the victim demonstrates his own toughness by nonchalantly shrugging off abuse. Trapped in a horrendously punishing crossface maneuver, Vince stoically endures a long, rambling Eli Black soliloquy. Eli bemoans UCW's loss of Johnny Deep, vents his jealousy toward Ethan Axel Andrews (the UCW wrestler who now owns 50% of the federation), and informs Vince that he will play the role of Eli's "puppy dog" in UCW. All the while, Eli makes a grand show of his callousness toward Vincent's suffering.

     Later in the match, Eli gives Vincent a taste of what his "puppy dog" role will entail. With a chain wrapped around Vince's neck (a chain that Vincent briefly used as a weapon after Eli advised him to wrestle like a "heel"), the rookie is led around the mat on his hands and knees, receiving various commands. When Vince asserts his dignity, Eli yells, "Bad dog!" and disciplines the kid. It's like a scene of verbal and physical abuse straight out of a gay S&M video that somehow found its way into sports entertainment.

     I learned from my correspondence with Vince that he has a February 8th birthday, which makes him an Aquarius (the same sign as Quinn Harper, unfortunately). Chameleon-like and innately nonconformist, Aquarius is a relatively thick-skinned sign, so Vincent was probably not seriously traumatized by the treatment he received from Eli (either in this video or during their childhood). Had Eli led Ethan Axel Andrews (a Pisces) or Danny Sticks (a Cancer) around the mat on a leash, there would have been quite a different reaction (both Pisces and Cancer -- along with Scorpio -- are highly sensitive water signs).
     Ah, I just imagined Danny Sticks (aka the Blog Burner) reading my comments in the last paragraph and rolling his eyes in contempt for my belief in astrology. I do believe that it's time for a musical interlude.

     ...and that's the Birth of the Blues!!! That's the Birth of the Blues, ladies and gentlemen, and that song goes out to my friend and yours, the irrepressible Danny Sticks!!! MUAH! (Just had to get that out of my system. Danny has developed an off-camera friendship with Quinn Harper, by the way. Need I say more? Now, let's move on...)
     Because Vincent had proven to be such a plucky competitor, it was somewhat heartrending to see him break (at least to a certain degree) at the end of this video. Eli had just applied his dreaded finishing maneuver, the Shutdown, on Vince and, being a master of overkill (don't forget, this is the same guy who applied a second knockout maneuver on an already unconscious Johnny Deep in video #336), told Vince that he was going to apply it again. This seems more than Vince can handle, and Vince says, "No!" in a weary voice but, of course, Eli shows no mercy.
     As Vince is being set up for his second Shutdown, the rookie struggles to get free. This annoys Eli, so he runs backward, slamming Vince into the cinder block wall.

     After executing the second Shutdown, Eli attempts one of his patently arrogant and humiliating covers, ordering Vince to remain on the mat for the three-count. Does Vince obey? Well, buy the video and find out. (Somewhere Bodyslam is smiling.)

     Without providing any spoilers, I'll simply say this. By the end of match #375, Vincent has been beaten up enough to satisfy Eli's ego, and Eli must resort to his typical, manipulative rhetoric in order to keep Vince as a potential tag team partner. (Shades of Hunter Day! I swear, Eli's initials should be B.S.) Eli fills the rookie's head with delusions of grandeur ("We're going to run this federation!") like a Jim Jones-style character in a sensationalized Hollywood blockbuster:

      Now that we've seen the human side of Eli, he's no longer a monster. Eli isn't Charles Manson or Adolph Hitler or Hannibal Lector (all of whom I've compared to Eli, at one time or another). In reality, Eli is a driven young man who alienates people with his overbearing personality. Everything else about the Eli Black persona is just smoke and mirrors.

     And that's all there is. Blogger Joe already wrote a review of this match, but that pointy-headed pseudointellectual with his legions of community college "disciples" can create his own publicity, for once. Just go to "Ringside at Skull Island" and search for it, if you're that interested.
     I will, however, link to the video offering. It's match #375 and it's available for download at the UCW Wrestling website, on this page (as of this writing).
     NOTE: Vincent told me in one of his emails, "Thank you for buying the video. Seems people like me but I am told its about sales so again thanks for buying." 
     Therefore, let's purchase this video and show support for Vincent...and maybe even Eli, too.

UCW Wrestling's Johnny Deep vs. Quinn Harper: Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye

     UCW match #325 is the one and only time that Johnny Deep (at the callow age of 19) fought Quinn Harper. Johnny battled his brutal rival, Eli Black, three times in singles matches (#354, #336, #264) plus once in a tag team encounter (in addition to the impromptu scrapping during match #332). Johnny grappled with federation co-owner Ethan Axel Andrews three times (#295, #277, #269) in regularly released presentations, and once in a "lost video" (a private, custom match which was eventually edited and marketed to the public -- #316). By contrast, during Johnny's lengthy tenure at UCW, the young man avoided Quinn Harper like a plague after this lone match was taped.
     Quinn Harper is also the only wrestler that Johnny singled out to me in a negative manner, back in the days when we corresponded (before I sent Johnny a birthday gift and federation co-owner Michael Bodyslam intervened, explaining to me as diplomatically as possible that Johnny was having difficulty handling all the attention he was receiving from me, and specifically requesting that I no longer send Johnny links to my blog entries).
     I almost quit blogging altogether after that, until Jax Briggs came along and temporarily bolstered my spirits. I put Johnny out of my mind as best I could and never viewed his infamous encounter with Quinn Harper -- until two nights ago.
     The match wasn't what I expected, in many respects. Of course, I had only Ringside at Skull Island's gleeful description of Johnny's suffering ("Johnny is the mischievous pretty-boy...whoop his vanilla ass...") to help formulate my expectations. Since Blogger Joe and I never agree on anything -- especially what constitutes male beauty -- it's no surprise that he and I would view this match from wildly differing perspectives. Joe doesn't even consider Johnny attractive. Joe's masculine ideal is a bearded brute with WWE aspirations named Big Sexy -- the kind of Neanderthal who would knock Joe out with a club, grab a handful of the gentleman's greying locks, and drag him back to his cave for a well-deserved ravishing.
     Whenever I watch a UCW match, I focus on the reality behind the theatrics -- the actual interpersonal dynamic that occurs during these 30-minute S&M improvs. I pay especially close attention to the verbal exchanges and I relate them to what I already know about the two antagonists' personalities. In the case of match #325, I want to know why Johnny came away from the experience considering Quinn Harper to be "the worst guy" in UCW. In short, I want to figure out what makes My Beautiful Precious Johnny Deep (MBPJD) tick.
     As soon as this video begins, before the graphics even disappear, there's evidence of a personality clash in the making. Johnny is exhibiting his brashest, most smart-Alec behavior (probably to camouflage his discomfiture) while Quinn is typically sardonic. (I almost entitled this entry, "The Insolent vs. The Embittered" until I came across that appropriate old Irish Rovers tune.)
     Johnny is almost manic in his reckless mockery of Quinn and his cardboard-and-duck-tape "championship belt." In tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and hand gestures, Johnny reminds me of an old classmate of mine during my junior high / high school days -- a prettyboy who deliberately antagonized bullies and frequently paid the price for his irrepressible sarcasm (needless to say, I loved him to the point of obsession).

          Yes, this is the same adolescent who, according to Michael Bodyslam, is "shy about his body" -- exhibiting teenage bravado toward Quinn Harper as he stands there in his yellow speedo with the cameras rolling.
     Quinn is scary. I'm a middle aged man (nearly a senior citizen) and Quinn gives me the willies, so I can imagine what effect he's having on Johnny. On top of Quinn's typically aggressive, macho biker persona, he's betraying evidence of a latent gay streak which makes him even creepier.
     Johnny is clearly going for broke with the rapid-fire insults, and he immediately succeeds in pushing Quinn's buttons by calling him an "old man." Instinctively, Quinn's lips curl and his sadistic smile becomes even more grotesque. For the rest of the video, Quinn (who has always been self-conscious about being the oldest member of the UCW roster) will reference this personal slight incessantly.
     Quinn uses the phrase "when you were getting your ass changed" (a more vulgar variation of "when you were getting your diapers changed") to point out Johnny's relative immaturity, and Johnny's reaction is both innocent and coquettish. Quinn seems giddy with lust as he observes Johnny's performance.

     Johnny is genuinely, legitimately worried about tying up with Quinn when the bell rings and the banter is finished. Whenever Quinn feigns an attack move, Johnny takes a step backward. Eventually, Johnny finds himself trapped in a corner.
      "I've got you in a corner. Are you a little worried?" Quinn ridicules. "Come on, come on. I'll let you out. You a little scared?"
     Johnny plays off his trepidation by continuing to grin broadly. Later in the match, Quinn will label Johnny, "an old man's plaything" in a game of cat-and-mouse.

     When Johnny finally dares to half-heartedly attempt a wrestling maneuver (still grinning), Quinn slams Johnny to the mat with unexpected force and scrunches the kid up like an accordion. The back pain wipes the grin off Johnny's face and he does very little smiling for the remainder of this encounter.

     This match is basically a conflict on two different levels. First off, we have the ire of a grizzled, mature man who was disrespected by a teenage wise guy. Secondly, we have the undeniable homosexual sadism in an individual who passes for straight in mainstream, indy wrestling circles. Sure, Quinn Harper may seem like any hell-raising, patriotic, blue-collar roughneck outside UCW. However, inside UCW, Quinn has ratcheted up the S&M sleaze factor to unprecedented levels. Nobody forced (or even advised) Quinn to behave in such a manner; what we see during UCW presentations is simply Quinn being Quinn. In Quinn's own words, he "wrecks prettyboys," and that's how he gets his jollies.

      In match #325, Quinn utilizes his repugnant Oil Check "wrestling maneuver" on Johnny -- not once, but twice. On the second occasion, Quinn has Johnny positioned in such a manner that he makes the kid observe the lead-up to his own humiliation. Quinn even tries to make Johnny lick his thumb in preparation for the attack. I won't be featuring photos of this segment, because this blog isn't "hardboiled wrestling kink" and it's not about to feature any warnings for "unsuitable content." (By the same token, UCW Wrestling isn't an age-restricted, adult entertainment site like BG East -- Bodyslam and Ethan, take note.)
     As for Johnny -- please keep in mind that Johnny is a jock, and he has a jock's mentality. Johnny's character was forged on lacrosse fields and on wrestling mats at high school tournaments. As a result, Johnny has developed a stoic personality; he doesn't allow himself to display vulnerability. Johnny is a tough, traditionally masculine young man (and no, Blogger Joe -- "tough prettyboy" isn't an oxymoron).

      Due to Johnny's innate stoicism, "selling" runs contrary to his nature. (That's not to say that Johnny didn't sell videos for UCW; Johnny was a hugely popular wrestler, and his lengthy absence from the fed has to be a financial blow to the company.) "Selling," as it applies in this context, is a wrestling term which means being very demonstrative and extroverted when you are experiencing pain (even to the point of exaggeration, as long as you don't jeopardize your credibility in doing so). Johnny doesn't "sell" -- in this match, or in any other of his UCW appearances. When Quinn applies painful holds (clawing Johnny's pectoral muscles, for example), Quinn actually does most of the yelling, drowning out Johnny's low-key  reactions.

     The above photo captures Johnny's initial reaction of surprise when he first experiences the unexpected twinge in his right pec. Within seconds, however, Johnny was coping with the discomfort and doing his best to appear nonchalant, as unwilling to exhibit physical pain as he is loathe to show fear or embarrassment.
     Ethan Axel Andrews candidly revealed to me that he will seriously hurt opponents who aren't "selling" to his satisfaction. Of course, Ethan and Bodyslam make a living by marketing UCW videos, but Quinn appeared frustrated by Johnny's stoicism on a more personal level. At one point, in an apparent homage to Dahmer-style cannibalism, Quinn actually dives in and bites -- yes, bites -- Johnny's groin area. Johnny screams and seems truly agonized afterward. Given Johnny's ability to shrug off injuries, this segment is troubling. In a UCW career typified by acts of sexual sadism, Quinn has reached a new low.

     I am in a quandary deciding how to rate this video, considering Johnny's reaction to it. It's quite possible that Johnny didn't really experience the full impact of this match until he reviewed the tape. Quinn's actions, outrageous and repugnant in and of themselves, become even more reprehensible in the context of his onscreen remarks. Quinn gloats about Johnny's victimization, reveling in his role as predator. The substance of match #325 is horrid, but the style in which it's presented puts it over the top, even by UCW standards.

      When I suggested to Johnny that Eli Black was UCW's main problem, Johnny was adamant about correcting my misconception. "Eli isn't the worst guy out there," Johnny informed me. Then Johnny went on to say that he'd rather get "slammed into a chair" (Eli's knockout move in match #336) than have to deal with Harper.

     As I mentioned, this match was reviewed by "Ringside at Skull Island" when it was first released. With typical insouciance, Blogger Joe smirkingly entitles his review "Handicapped," and you can read it here:

        

Ringside at Skull Island: Handicapped: In a strange (but, as it turns out, clever) matchup, UCW pits Quinn Harper and Johnny Deep against each other...

     Remember, this is match #325, available for download here at the UCW Wrestling site. Right now, this video is on this page, but it may be moved in the future. (Just keep clicking on the "More Videos" links and hopefully you'll find it.)

"I swear to God, you better quit. This old man will rip your arm right the hell off and I will beat you with it."